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Comment by dream moon JO B on January 7, 2015 at 3:48pm

no 1 can get over it

no 1 shud tell us 2 get over it or else thy shudt

pain will not go away 

why shud we get over it we 1s it loved evry 1 we lost

Comment by Lynn Boyd on January 7, 2015 at 2:51pm

Oh Karen, so sorry for your loss, but there is NO WAY you should be expected to "get over it" and "stop acting dramatic" after only 3 months! Good heavens, it's still an open wound for you! I'm almost up to the one-year mark of losing my beloved husband suddenly to the FLU, and I can tell you I'm not in any way, shape or form, "over it".  I still have those terrible, bad crying days when the hole in my heart is open and vulnerable.  But I can tell you, you won't always feel the way you do now.  What has been the biggest help for me was finding a bereavement group (specifically, a widow's group) to talk with.  Others who understand the pain, the loneliness, the abandonment, all those terrible feelings.  Go to your public library, they probably have several books on grief....I think I read every one of them at my library.  It really helped.  I've made great strides, but I'm still hurting like hell.  Never let anybody tell you how much time you should take to heal in your grief.  You will heal in YOUR time and in God's time.  It helped me to reconnect with God, try speaking to the God of your understanding ...I hadn't been in a church since I was a teenager...but you can talk to God, even screaming and yelling and cursing at God is a type of prayer.  He knows the pain you are in, and he will NOT be offended.  And let yourself cry, scream, yell and curse as much as you want (preferably in private, so people don't think you've gone totally crazy), it's cathartic and healing.  My heart goes out to you, keep up with this online community, we all know your pain. You will NEVER "get over it", but you can get THROUGH it, with support and patience.  **hugs**

Comment by Sandy Hendrix on January 7, 2015 at 2:36pm

Hey Karen, you can ramble, we all can ramble on here and you do not need to say sorry. I'm so very sorry for your loss.. Nobody knows what to say.  It's only been 10 weeks for me with my son and I agree.  People look at you like you should just be ok.  What a joke, how can we possibly be ok.  We are empty, we are lost, we are heartbroken.  I find that distractions are good occasionally and that's ok, ok to laugh for a minute but the grief and the pain is always inside of. Somebody on here said we are pretending, just going through the motions of everyday living and really that is all we can do for now. It's hard to see everybody happy and living when all we can feel is this horrible pain. Wishing you a minute of peace and sending you very many hugs.

Comment by Karen T. on January 7, 2015 at 2:03pm

This is just so hard to deal with. Never ever would have imagined being a widow so young. I now have all of this stuff I have to deal with and just don't feel prepared. Then I have people telling me one day at a time and in time I'll be able to move on and not think about my lost husband all the time. It has only been three months and I feel some people are looking at me like I'm already suppose to be over it by now and stop acting dramatic. I have a huge hole in my heart- how can that be overcome in just 3 months? Everyone says to get out and do stuff and that will help me heal faster. I've never really been one for going to a lot of places so that's a foreign concept. I do work, do things with my son, and I did go to the movies the other day but I really am a homebody. Then I feel really mixed up because in my heart and mind I'm not ready to move on (only 3 months) but I feel like my body is because I'll take notice of good looking guys without consciuously meaning to. Sorry for the ramble- I just feel so lost because the one person I could tell everything to is no longer here and this is the only support group I've found so far. Again sorry for the ramble and thanks for taking the time to read and comment if you do.

Comment by Karen T. on January 6, 2015 at 6:47pm

I lost my husband of almost 12 yrs (dated 2 years prior) in October. I feel so lost without him. He was my best friend. We often said that we truly were made for each other. Then I came home from work, walked in the bedroom and there he was on the bed cold, extremeties black and blue. The paramedics came in with there equipment but the one that came in first to assess the scene just looked at them and motioned to put everything away. I fell to the floor. The only thing keeping me going is our young son. If it wasn't for him I probably wouldn't have made it this far. I just don't know how to keep my strength and resolve to keep my son feeling somewhat normal but I am so exhausted at the end of the day it's so hard for me to deal. Oh and the kicker is I'm 32. :(

Comment by bdabbs on January 5, 2015 at 8:54pm

my 14yr old daughter just died 6 weeks ago by a gunshot to the head. she died at her friends home whose father is a county sherriff & evidently not only was in the habit of leaving a firearm out & loaded, but also taught his daughter to use it. my daughter knew nothing of guns. they came woke me up & said she committed suicide, but i know this girl gave my daughter this gun instead of running to wake up her mom. it was in the morning before school. i have nothing left. they have all 3 of their daughters. my life is ruined due to their negligence. i am in so much pain i cant stand myself. i have nothing to live for now. im new to this site & dont know my way around either.

Comment by Priscilla on December 26, 2014 at 9:55pm

Robin, just wanted to let you know I will keep you in my prayers. My brother died earlier this year and I still struggle with the reality of him being gone. His wife also struggles daily. But we can have more meaningful conversations now. Cannot say it gets easier, just becomes different than it was. Hang in there as best you can! And keep sharing!

Comment by Robin on December 26, 2014 at 9:27pm

I'm new here and don't know how to get around this site very well. I'm just lost. My husband left me December 3 and the last two days have been constant crying and anxiety. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I can't find a way to wrap my head around the thought of him being gone.

Comment by Debra A. Whitemaine on December 1, 2014 at 5:46pm

Amy, I am so sorry for you loss.  I had never thought of losing someone in a fire and you are so right that everything is gone.  My hearts hurts for you.  My thoughts and prayers.

Comment by Sandy Hendrix on December 1, 2014 at 12:01pm

Oh Kim, I am so very sorry and everybody else too..I agree, my heart has been ripped out of my chest.  I don't want anybody to ask me if I'm ok, how can we possibly be okay? I don't think I'll ever be ok..I just feel alone and empty inside and yes it does feel unreal, it can't possibly be real.  Drugs and guns, I'd like to find the person that showed my beautiful son heroin but I do understand that it was his choice to do it, which I will never ever understand.

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