Karen T.
  • Jacksonville, FL
  • United States
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About Me:
32 year old female with a 9 year old son. Been together for 13 and a half years, married for 11 and a half.
About my Loss:
I came home from work, opened the bedroom door expecting to see him either sleeping or watching tv (on short term disability for back issues- in process of finally getting fixed. Instead, however, I found him laying on his side on the bed freezing cold, extremities black and blue and foam having come out of his mouth.

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To tell or not to tell?

My husband and I had discussed that this past year we were going to tell my son the truth about santa, etc. Then my husband passed in October so I didn't want to take that magical experience away from him even though he's 9 because it was so close to his father passing. Now with Easter coming up- has it been long enough to tell him the truth about the bunny since he is 9 now or should I let him hold that for one more year? Very torn.

Posted on March 24, 2015 at 8:43pm — 1 Comment

Life Suc can't bond with my son

Right now no matter what I do everything seems to be wrong when it comes to my son trying to deal with this also and it is a big thing for him so I am trying to do special things. Today I made reservations for horseback riding (which I love and am experienced) and he wanted to do for the first time finally. After I made the redervations he was happy for a while but then it was right bacj to yelling at me and hittting himself in the face making me feel like the worst mother in the world. I…

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Posted on March 16, 2015 at 7:01pm

Just a friend looking for other friends :)

Just wanted to say to everyone, please don't feel nervous or uncomfortable talking to me after reading my blog if you are not religous or or religions clash views. I will only talk about you, your feelings and what you are going through. I promise I'm not going to be "preachy" or anything like that, I'll just ne a good friend e=with an open ear and open heart. Love to everyone and hope everyone is making it through the day alright. :)

 

If it was off putting to anyone I do…

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Posted on February 9, 2015 at 10:48am — 2 Comments

For those who don't believe...

I would like to say to everyone first that I am not here to change your mind or try and brainwash you or something to that effect. So, if you can have an open mind for just a few minutes and keep reading, I promise at the end it will be your choice to believe or not to believe.

Please bear with me if I stumble or am repetative, I don't mean to and it doesn't mean I don't know what I'm saying, it's just that I don't know how to say some of the things I want. My husband was the preacher…

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Posted on February 9, 2015 at 9:44am — 2 Comments

Comment Wall (12 comments)

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At 7:24pm on March 7, 2015, Anne Dabalos said…
Hi karen thanks for the kind words..i feel sad for ur loss too..we all lost somebody we love..the loneliness and emptiness is unbearable..i just pray we all go thru this..I know my husband will be watching over me all the time ..thanks for this online community i feel better to know a lot are also in the same boat as I am..sending hugs ur way
At 4:04pm on February 11, 2015, Sandy Hendrix said…

Hey Karen, was just thinking of you and saw about your son and your hubbie's heart condition and you've been on my mind.  My old boss wife had a heart condition that she died unexpectedly from but upon testing her 3 daughters, 2 of them had it and they were able to help them and prevent them from having a heart attack.  I think that as his young age, they can do something for him.  It's stupid to ask how you are...but, are you hanging in there? The last week has been really hard for me, 15 weeks and it hurts so much.  You are in my thoughts... Love and hugs

At 5:23pm on February 8, 2015, Vic said…
Keep the faith Karen the lord takes care of his own and you will see him again your love will never die.i am looking forward to seeing my wife again just to tell her how much i love her.death has no fear for me I actually look forward to it
At 4:04pm on February 8, 2015, Vic said…
Thank you Karen I am so sorry you lost your husband at such a young age .hard enough losing my wife at 63 I can't imagine how you feel.i know you must have loved him very much.i think I can relate to the hopeless helpful feeling you have.if i can help in anyway I will I appreciate your thoughtfulness and I hope you can get through this some way
At 2:41pm on February 8, 2015, Vic said…
Thank you very much it's so important to me to find people who understand and can relate to what I am going through.am looking forward to hearing from everyone
At 8:22am on February 8, 2015, Vic said…
I lost my wife in November just as bad today as it was then my stomach is in knot I cant sleep don't feel like doing anything since I lost her my life has lost its purpose
At 7:21pm on February 2, 2015, Fran said…

I am so sorry for your pain and your loss! I wasn't even married at your age, altho I had met my husband to be...I had 27 years with him. I lost him this past November, lung cancer, diagnosed only in March. It took a month before I really started to "miss" him. I don't know if it was being numb from losing him or feeling like it was one of his frequent travels for work...I only know that I miss him more as time goes on. I also get angry, almost weekly, at my husband for NOT being around. Like yesterday, we're in the middle of a blizzard and I couldn't get any of our snowblowers to work...How could you NOT BE HERE to help me! I screamed into the wind...I felt a little better after that...

You found your husband...I held my husband in my arms as he died. It was the way he wanted to go. Neither way is easy, or pleasant. I don't relish the thought of having the next 20 years without him...But, I don't want to let him down by giving up the life that I have, that he provided for...You have a son, who is probably also hurting. Share with him...share stories of the family you were. Don't shut yourself off. 

You are not alone!

At 1:32pm on January 8, 2015, Sandy Hendrix said…

Hey there...thank you so much, that is so sweet what you said.  You are right, all we can do is lean on each other. I'm feeling very sad today, it's odd how some days you are sort of ok (sort of) and others you feel a bit better, it just hurts so much.  I don't think we will ever be fine, I hope you have a good day, as well as you can. Thanks for talking with me also!!

At 12:26pm on January 8, 2015, Sandy Hendrix said…

Hey Karen, oh the awful "hows it going" / "how are you doing" questions.  They are the absolute worse or people saying - let me know if I can do anything...I appreciate it, but there is nothing anybody can do.  I come to work and just isolate myself in my office, I don't want to see everybody happy and just going on, living their lives.  OH the birthday thing will be hard but yes you just have to focus on your sons party, he needs that and even distractions like that are good for us to have a few moments of peace, thinking of something else and not feeling the grief even if its for an hour or two. Yesterday was my daughters 21st birthday and it was very nice and we had a lot of tequila! haha but I was sad inside knowing we wont celebrate Randy's in May, but we focused on her.  I feel so bad for you losing your soulmate, he's too young, I'm so very sorry again, jeez its so messed up.  We've also lost our 2 dogs in the last 12 weeks, I think some days that somebody put a curse on me, how can one person endure so much pain. You might feel some comfort from seeing your Pastor, you really just have to do what feels ok.  A couple of my friends make me feel better, they don't say stupid things or ask how I am, they are just there and that helps.  It helps me to be able to write (ramble) on here about everything and know everybody here knows how each other feels.  In the beginning you just want to be alone and not go anywhere but a little at a time, you will be able to go do something.  I'm sitting at work today very very sad and just trying to make it through the day, it's all we can do.  Hug your son, the two of you need to hug a lot.  My daughter is not feeling a lot of this right now or maybe just not expressing it, we have had about 4 years of dealing with the drugs and the problems and the lying and it was very hard.  I'm not pressuring her to express her feelings, she will do so in her own time.  I cry, I scream...I cry some more and it's all ok..  Big hugs, you are in my heart today..x0

At 2:47pm on January 7, 2015, Sandy Hendrix said…

I am reading a book - I wasn't ready to say Goodbye - by Brook Noel, perhaps it would help you just a little x0

 
 
 

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Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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18 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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18 hours ago
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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23 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I sometimes will just be sitting down and I start to cry because I keep thinking I miss my mom so much my whole world is just not the same I think that I’ve become a different person it will be four years and I still cry I can’t put into…"
yesterday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Definitely a colder world now.  I like the image of the security blanket — like, as we go forward, we will always keep it but eventually may be able to wash it, fold it nicely, and put it in some place of honour close at hand but without…"
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"The world just became a colder place when my mom died. I just remember feeling like all was right with the world when my mom was in the next room. "
yesterday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It is such a traumatic event, especially when you have had a wonderful Mom.  It is so hard knowing she is gone.  Knowing this is permanent.  There is no one that can fill the void she left.  My brother was close to Mom, but he…"
yesterday
Cherie is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
yesterday
Amy replied to Amy's discussion How do I get unstuck?
"I am not a believer and nor was he. We covered the bases just incase though. We were both raised Catholic. That is all besides the point though. "
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"While I never forget that my mom is gone, for some reason it just hits me over the head sometimes. Just out of the blue I'll be like, "Mom is gone." It's horrible. It's ever present. And the thing is that it is always with…"
Monday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"My Mom also.  I could always talk to her about anything & knew she was someone I could totally trust.  I am constantly thinking of something I want to share with her & then I remember she is gone.  I loved spending time with…"
Monday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"There is no doubt that it is anxiety. In fact, I think we are experiencing fight or flight. Since birth my mom had been my security blanket."
Monday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It is still numbing to think my Mom is gone & I can't talk to her or see her again.  I lost part of me when she passed.  Someone said the restless feelings I have are really anxiety.  Daily crying is part of my life. …"
Monday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I would rather cry on the outside than on the inside. Crying on the outside is a release. I am really tired of being sad. I'm also tired of being scared. Life without my mom still seems like a scary proposition. All we can do is to continue to…"
Monday
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Saturday
Brett Bowman replied to Lynn Fisher's discussion New here in the group I miss my Mom!
"You and I experienced something very similar. You are not an anonymous person who lost her mother. I just wish that I knew the words that would make it all better. I don't. I'm still trying to figure it out for myself. All I know is that…"
Saturday
Lynn Fisher replied to Lynn Fisher's discussion New here in the group I miss my Mom!
"Thank you so much for your kind words.  It means a lot to me that you would take the time to bring me some peace, which you have."
Friday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"So glad you have your daughter.  I was so close to my Dad & so many wonderful memories of time I spent with him.  It has been over four months since I lost my Mom.  I try to stay busy, but still have a lot of grief…"
Friday
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi All,  Hope everybody doing good. My daughter is growing up and keeps me busy but any day I sit and feel guilty of not serving my mother, I feel like crying. She should have enjoyed so much with her grand daughter but destiny had some other…"
Friday

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