I lost my 18 year old son on October 27, 2014 to a heroin overdose. He had been in rehab in March and I didn't know he'd gone back to this drug that kills. He lived with his dad since April and his dad didn't see what was going on.
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Oh Lori thats so awful. Omg im sooo sorry. He sounds so great and its really really hard. They are in our thoughts every minute of every day and some days it feels like the pain will swallow us up but it doesnt. I still am very broken and empty part of me is forever gone. This is horrible as u dont even know. My randy started using drugs and he was selling zanax and he would lie and lie and then he went to heroin. I will never ever know y he was in such pain i live every day blaming myself and thinking i should have done more. But u didnt do anything wrong. He was ok. Its so hard to understand why he wd be taken. Im so sorry u lost your best friend. Ran was ony 18. He had his whole life to live. I look at his pix of around 10 12 and hes so happy and fun and adorable. All we can do is go on and keep trying. I wont lie its not easy. Havings friends here is my greatest comfort because everbody understands. Where do you live? Much love and hugs xo
Hi Sandy. My son Cameron, 26, was fine 1 hour before I found him at our home. I had left to go ride my bike and when I returned home I found him in his room on his knees bent over. My husband and I tried to do CPR but he was gone. We had autopsy done but I still don't want to know the cause. I'm sure you think that sounds odd but at this point I can't put 1 more thing into my mind. Not yet. Every second of the day I feel regret. Hope that's normal. Tonight I'm physically sick missing him. He was more than my son. He was a best friend. We shared so many interests. He always called me momma. I miss our movie nights. I don't know how I'm still living without him. Everyday something new that I miss about him surfaces. How do you go on living without your child?
How have you coped for 11 months? I have a hard time seeing past today. Just when I think that I can't cry anymore, I am wrong. I have retuned to the office this week on a part time basis and coming home not having him waiting on me has just added a new level to the pain.
His name is Connor..his brothers are confused as to why he's not coming home. As you know watching your kids grieving just adds another level on top of everything. It had to be some sort of bacterial infection picked up during surgery.
My son had outpatient surgery to correct a deviated septum. Brought him home following surgery and he was vomiting most of the night. Called doctor on cal and was told it was normal. Next day vomiting subsided but couldn't keep balance and speech was impaired. Called doctor again and was told it was all normal; side effects from anesthesia. That evening he had a sick stomach and couldn't get to the bathroom in time. I washed him up in the shower and layed him back down. Shortly after he told me he wasn't sick anymore and said he was sorry for being so sick. I told him nothing's too be sorry about and just wanted him to get better. He asked me for a hug and I then sat with him and rubbed his head. My 4 year old woke us up the next morning around 5:00am feeling sick. I was then I heard my son breathing erratically and making grunting noises. I thought he was having a nightmare and tried to wake him up. He didn't respond and we called 911. When the EMTs arrived his heart had stopped and I was giving chest compressions while they worked on his breathing. Got his heart beating and on the way to the hospital he coded 3 times. They worked on him in the ER and transferred him to ICU on life support. Within a few hours his body was not pumping enough blood to reach his brain and limbs. Had to make decision to remove life support that night. Still awaiting cause of death as it has been a mystery to doctors and the medical examiner. It had to be some type of bacterial infection from surgery....I relive this nightmare every day, playing over and over in my head.
"Avi, I feel like you are going through a rough time right now. You're not alone. One of the great things about a site like this is that you are a world away but I know who you are and I know that you are missing your mom just as much as I am.…"
"My mom worried about every detail of my life. There are some who would say that is intrusive. I felt that she was just being a mom. I miss that so much. I had the flu last year. I was laying in that bed and all I could hear was silence. My mom would…"
"Good morning Adams. It is 9:40 AM in India and I am at my job and trying to concentrate hard as my Mom always wanted.
I have almost stopped complaining of anything in life now as I have already lost my most precious gift. Now what ever I have…"
"Avi, the fact that you were close enough with your mother to share your negative feelings about your job shows real intimacy, which I think is what loving mothers treasure above all else. So hard accepting that we will not hear that beloved…"
"Even my mother always used to say that live your life fully but I was always complaining on some matters. She used to worry about me the most as I was not stable in my job and used to talk about quitting it often. She always used to say, love your…"
"Alice, I regret not getting it together to write on Dec 2nd as I recall that was your anniversary of your husbands death date. I have just been swimming upstream through the rapids. Each year during the "seasonal"…"
"You know what when my mom could not be resuscitated, her eyes were wide open and looking toward the right towards me as I walked in, she saw me I know it. I shut her eyes. I wanted the hospital staff to leave me alone. They were…"
"SelV, your mom would have had it no other way. She saw you take your first breath. You saw her take her last. I experienced that as well. If I had my way, I would have gone before my mom. Is that selfish of me? Yes. I don't care. Losing mom was…"
"Dear all...the thought "What if I had died due to unforeseen circumstances and my elderly widowed mother had to grief my death?" crossed my mind many times. Knowing my mother, her world (of me and her) would have collapsed and she would…"
"I think you're right, Theresa. We are a sad bunch. I think our moms would be touched that we love them so much, but they would probably also want us to be happy and move on. I just don't think that's possible, nor do I believe that my…"
"So I have been really busy at work and with moving, but of course at night when I get in bed I cry and cry.
I finally have come to realize this will be the new normal I guess, I do not think I will every stop missing my mom ever..."
Cancer is indeed a plague. Death from cancer is only part of the story. The journey from diagnosis to death is horrific and overwhelming. Even though cancer effects a lot of people, there are so many that just don't understand how…"