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Comment by Danny on January 15, 2015 at 5:57pm

Lynn Boyd fantastic comment below with so many good things. 

Comment by MarieSte on January 15, 2015 at 2:43pm

Comment by Lynn Boyd on January 15, 2015 at 1:08pm

Zombie, three months is not long enough for you to realize the pain you feel now will not last forever  A year ago I did not believe that either, but I'm getting close to the one-year mark of losing the love of my life, my soul mate, my beloved.  I was a total mess for several months, too.  You have not only lost your mate, you have lost a part of yourself, too.  I likened it to being shattered into a million pieces, and now I have to put that puzzle of myself back together, but many of the important pieces are lost.  MarieSte is correct...baby steps.  Slowly you will find yourself again....I have been working and trying to find the New Me also.  Important things to remember....Everyone grieves at their own pace, don't let anybody tell you at any time that you should "get over it".  We will never get over our profound losses, but with time and support we can get through it.  In YOUR time, not anybody else's opinion of how much time you may need.  We will always be grieving, until our own time of transition.  But the grief itself will change, and it won't happen overnight.  Just as with any wound, this loss will forever leave a scar.  I still have my painful "grief bursts", times when I feel like I shouldn't be alive, either.  Friends and family may not be as helpful as they think they are...they don't want to see you in this pain, and many of them just don't know what to say or do.  Accept their opinions in the spirit in which they were intended, they just want you to feel better.  Love never dies. We will be with our loved ones again.  In the meantime, live your life as best you can. Do you suppose your loved one wants you to feel awful for the rest of your life?  I don't think so.  This online community is one of my pillars of support that is helping me get through this nightmare.  Reading books on grief, attending my widow's group, and reconnecting with God have been other "baby steps" that have helped me.  I believe it's important and healing to honor our loved one's memory by living our best life.  You are stronger than you think.  Be patient with yourself and take care of yourself.  **hugs** 

Comment by MarieSte on January 15, 2015 at 11:10am

zombie what you are feeling is natural you are not alone in feeling the way you do. You are right, time does not heal. You will carry the pain as you do their love. The pain is a symptom of the love you feel for them. It comes from the loss of their physical presence and the longing for and missing of their physical presence. Know that your love's spirit never leaves you. Your love is by your side and sees the world through your eyes now. Your love for them is so powerful that the connection cannot be broken. Your love will send you signs. You grieve and are in pain because you love them. Go easy on yourself take baby steps do what you think is right for you. I write to express my grief. I have lots of poems and articles on my page that may help you. My page is open to view. There are many in this community that feel the way you do. Bless you.

Comment by zombie on January 15, 2015 at 3:04am

I lost the love of my life last year in october.. im still finding it hard to believe.. i break down 4 no reason.. im a total mess in every way possible.. i believe time dosent heal.. i read people still grieving 10-13yrs later.. i think we just find it easier to hide our emotions.. im sorry about your mum.. i hope things get better 4 u.. as 4 me.. i think my time is almost up.. i cant go on feeling like this..

Comment by Sandy Hendrix on January 12, 2015 at 12:40pm

OH Karen W., I am so so very sorry for your loss and the way you all found out and so quickly, I cannot even imagine.  It does help to talk about it and we are all in this boat together.  My 18 year old son has been gone 11 weeks today and I am dying inside, I feel so empty and sad.  Our friends on here help me so much.. That book - I wasn't ready to say Goodbye also helps, but mainly talking on here, venting, screaming, crying, anything that gets us through the day.  Big hugs and know we are all here for you. x0

OH and nobody knows what to say or do, they act like you should just be fine, cus they have no idea how we are all feeling.

Comment by Karen W. on January 12, 2015 at 11:00am

Lynn, I love it that you used his own handwriting for the tattoo, what a great idea. 

I am grateful that so far when I sleep, I don't dream or don't remember them. Right after our daughter died, I kept having the same nightmare, that she had died, then I'd wake up and the nightmare was reality. that about made me crazy, but has stopped for now.

Comment by Lynn Boyd on January 12, 2015 at 10:51am

Yes, mornings are tough.  Night time is easier for me, for I lay my head down in the hopes I will see him in my dreams. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't.  You are grieving normally.  Grief makes us do weird things and impairs our rational thoughts. 

 

Oh geez...you would have to mention Groundhog Day.  That was a special day for us....we celebrated it as a day we would do things that we wouldn't mind doing over and over just like the movie.  We had planned to get 25th Anniversary tattoos last Groundhog Day...but he didn't survive that long. I did get a memorial tattoo that has his initials in his own handwriting (from the last christmas card he gave me). 

 

Danny, check Amazon.com.  Type in the book title, and there should be options to buy it new or used (I usually purchase used books...they are very inexpensive.)

Comment by Karen W. on January 12, 2015 at 10:37am

thank you Lynn, I will check out the book and for sure the daily affirmations. I am an avid reader, but right now find myself reading the same paragraph over and over.

I am also having a hard time comprehending what I am reading, my thoughts are all muddled up, but some of that is normal, lol

are mornings the worst for any others here?

for me it is like a movie I wake up to that starts playing all over again, like Groundhog Day, only the ending remains the same, my daughter is gone and not coming back.

I almost hate to go to sleep as I do adjust some to it during the day, but when I wake up, it hits me like a ton of bricks.

Comment by Karen W. on January 12, 2015 at 10:21am

Karen, (((hugs))) and prayers from me to you

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