Information

Lost My Spouse...

Members: 368
Latest Activity: on Monday

Discussion Forum

Lost my wife 16 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Ellis Gee Dec 28, 2019.

My Love

On November 6 of this year, I lost my husband in a tragic automobile accident. We live in Georgia and the accident was in Montana making it more difficult. I am completely lost as we were best…Continue

Started by Kathy West Dec 28, 2019.

The Holiday Season and my loss 1 Reply

This Christmas Season this year is very hard.Family gatherings are wonderful but l feel my husband not being so much more.Seeing everyone makes it more real that Ron is not here.The tears are in my…Continue

Started by Denise Lavoie. Last reply by Linda Engberg Dec 24, 2018.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Fran Oct 19, 2018.

Comment Wall

Comment

You need to be a member of Lost My Spouse... to add comments!

Comment by Linda Engberg on Monday

Joe, I have seven tattoos one for each year Julian has been gone. It is my way of honoring him  People make fun of me saying I am too old (71) to have them. Glad to hear I am not the only one still honoring their spouse after death.

Comment by Joe Kelly on Sunday

Thank you Linda.  It's beautiful for you to had done that.  I have tattoo of our names in a heart.  I wear two sets of our wedding bands on both pinkys and ring fingers.  We're still married and always will be forever.  

Comment by Linda Engberg on Sunday

Joe, What a beautiful post. I have a tattoo on my shoulder of both our hands on our wedding day. I added my own words.

God be with you.

Comment by Joe Kelly on January 11, 2020 at 9:09am

Reliving two years ago.  Ten days till She took Her last exhaling breath in my arms.  She went knowing that we will be together forever and it can't come soon enough for me.

Till then:

Comment by Linda Engberg on January 6, 2020 at 7:10am

Just another year closer to death I pray.

Comment by Linda Engberg on December 28, 2019 at 6:27am

Take Care Joe.

Comment by Joe Kelly on December 27, 2019 at 8:48am

Linda and Morgan,

I'm too paralyzed at the moment to post but I'm going to later as there are things in both of your posts that I constantly think about.

Comment by Linda Engberg on December 27, 2019 at 6:32am

OMG Morgan, The 7th year of grieving has me feeling exactly as you do. I relived his death this holiday season also. He didn't die in the short period of time your Husband did.

He developed cancer in 2007 when we lived in Nevada. After removing the tumor from his colon,we moved to Florida so he could get the best care from Mayo Clinic. For 6 years is was three operations, chemo sessions, pills galore, 911 calls and Mayo began part of everyday life.

On May 3. 2013, I found him on the floor of our bathroom he was in a coma and not responding to me. He was on Hospice the last six months and they told me he would live about 3 more days. He died in our home on May 5, 2013. 

To this day I remember every minute of those 3 long days. I will never adjust to fit in the real world again. All I can do is wait for death and go through my fake existance.

  

Comment by morgan on December 26, 2019 at 10:40pm

I'm making my way through the treacherous memories of Xmas eve day when I took him to the ER, to Xmas day when he laid uncomfortably waiting for doctors to celebrate with family and friends and then the day after when he was operated on and they diagnosed stage 4 cancer.  He lived another 27 days.

I  know I've related this story of his march towards death here on this website before but it bears repeating because I am still unable to process that he is gone.  The forever kind of gone.  Not to the store.  Not in his workshop gone.  No gone, never to hold him again.

And as hard as I push myself, no, I force myself to do all the things necessary to be active I would be more than happy to crawl into my bed on freshly laundered sheets and lay there until I too pass.  

Lately the overwhelming desire to not open my eyes when I sort of wake up has returned.  For awhile I didn't think about the whole eye opening thing.  I seemed ok for awhile to open my eyes and get up slowly but I've reverted back again to not wanting to even begin the slow process, the eye opening.  I put the t-shirt he wore that the EMT guys cut down the center to try to revive him over my forehead and eyes and forehead and just want to go away.  Far far away.  Myself, never to return.

How many ways and times will I ask the universe to please release me. Or put another way to come and get me.  Anything to hasten the process of having to live here.  Here, where he is not.  Here, where I have to get up and do things and pretend that a damn thing matters when I would be just as happy to crawl into that bed and die.  Yes, it really hasn't gotten any easier.  It just has taken a different form of adaptation.  A form where I simply hate what i have to do and it takes too much energy to explain to anyone that I am still not really any better.  Before they gave me some slack.  Now after seven years and enough pretending on my part they think I've adjusted.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  How can I go on like this?  For how long? How long before I am just unwilling to open my eyes?

Comment by Joe Kelly on December 25, 2019 at 12:28pm

Well said Lani and never let that go.  Our consciousness is immortal.  I know because I had an experience back in the eighties when my "spirit" or "consciousness" separated from my body after been hit by a truck.  My darling wife still exists.  She just doesn't have the body to communicate back to me.  I was like an invisible form of energy that could somehow see and move.  I talk to her all day, every day.  Never let that diminish in the least.  We have to wait the wait, suffer as we may, but the day when we go does exist.  We just don't know what that date is, but it is certain.  It can't come soon enough for me and most of us here.  Believe it or not, even my children, knowing the love we had for each other are rooting for me.  God Bless, Joe        

 

Members (368)

 
 
 

Groups

Latest Activity

Shirelle posted a status
"My son died November 25 at 936 am and I have. Cried everyday I honestly don't know what to do I can't function at all what do I do?"
3 hours ago
Profile IconKatherine A Pericas Geersten, nikita and Katrina joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
yesterday
Sue M commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Hello to all of you who are here for the same unimaginable reason as I am. I found this website last night after another night of going to bed where instead of sleep, pain sets in that I was able to escape from all day by being busy. Jess's…"
Tuesday
Sue M joined Kar's group
Thumbnail

Missing my Son or Daughter

For all of us that are suffering the loss a son or daughter.See More
Tuesday
Sue M updated their profile
Tuesday
Profile IconSue M and Christine joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Tuesday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Joe, I have seven tattoos one for each year Julian has been gone. It is my way of honoring him  People make fun of me saying I am too old (71) to have them. Glad to hear I am not the only one still honoring their spouse after death."
Monday
Serenity replied to Linda Engberg's discussion Ending my Life
"Wow..you suicide yourself there us no place for you in heaven. You will find yourself again and life will go on without your dearly departed. Learn to love yourself find what you like to do there has to something. Think of it like this he…"
Monday
Serenity replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely again
"It is a tradgedy to lose a loved one. But it does get better. Not everyday will be the same some days burn to the core more than others. Find a hobby or volunteer or help someone basically find something to do to ease the monotony of the day. In…"
Monday
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thank you Linda.  It's beautiful for you to had done that.  I have tattoo of our names in a heart.  I wear two sets of our wedding bands on both pinkys and ring fingers.  We're still married and always will be forever.…"
Sunday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Joe, What a beautiful post. I have a tattoo on my shoulder of both our hands on our wedding day. I added my own words. God be with you."
Sunday
Serenity is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Sunday
Rick Rilloraza left a comment for morgan
"Yes I still miss her terribly.  I am still sad and angry.  I was left with two boys ages 12 and 8 at that time.  What kept me going was making sure they were provided for and raised well.  I still have full on bawls when the…"
Jan 11
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Reliving two years ago.  Ten days till She took Her last exhaling breath in my arms.  She went knowing that we will be together forever and it can't come soon enough for me. Till then:"
Jan 11
morgan left a comment for Rick Rilloraza
"Rick, I am curious because I am within a week of being a widow of seven years how you are doing it allotter eight years?  Today, and more often lately (lets say for about the past six months) I have become more angry and more hateful of having…"
Jan 9
Profile IconShirelle, Rick Rilloraza, David Williams and 1 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Jan 9
Profile IconMichele Anderson and Phillip smith joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Jan 6
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Just another year closer to death I pray."
Jan 6
Carlos Hunt is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Dec 31, 2019
Ellis Gee replied to Kyle McKay's discussion Lost my wife in the group Lost My Spouse...
"I know this doesn’t help right now, but even this will pass—lt took me seven months. It may take you more or less time, but the agony you’re going through will end. You’re in my thoughts. Ellis"
Dec 28, 2019

© 2020   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service