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Lost My Spouse...

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Grief 7 Replies

It has been 11 weeks since my husband has passed.  We are planning the celebration of life for him.  I miss him so much the grief is eating away at me.  My heartaches everyday for him.  I want to…Continue

Started by KIM Montgomery. Last reply by KIM Montgomery 15 hours ago.

Lost without my husband 13 Replies

I'm confused with this forum. Don't know if I'm supposed to post it as a comment or add a discussion so I apologize for doing both. I'm looking for grief support. I lost my husband on April 19th…Continue

Started by Jules. Last reply by Evelyn Blume on Saturday.

THOSE THREE WORDS: "I LOVE YOU"

Annette's been dead just under eight months. My grieving hasn't stopped. I try but I keep getting worse mentally and physically. My groin has swollen more and now due to the fluid build its reaching…Continue

Started by Richard Rivera on Friday.

I've become numb. 7 Replies

Annette passed May 19th. I was devastated that my soulmate had gone. After being inconsolable and a fountain of tears, over night a few days ago, I was suddenly numb.  I find it hard to care about…Continue

Started by Ronnie Luethy. Last reply by Linda Engberg Jul 16.

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Comment by KIM Montgomery 2 hours ago

Today is an especially rough day, can't really nail it down to one thing.  So many things going through my head.  I have had 2 weeks to my self to process everything that has happened in since my husband's diagnosis and passing.  Harsh true reality's are coming through with family "friends" you find who your friends are. Your family and who sticks around and who doesn't.  People fade away because their life goes on and so do ours. The difference is their's has not had a life altering event; ours have.  I have cried for days. Pain and anxiety has stopped me in my tracks. I have procrastinated on several levels.  I feel alone, lost and abandoned.  The Celebration of life is this weekend.  I hope it helps.  I have strength as I have been alone before, but this time it is not the same.  Jack was and is my true soulmate and I loved and still love him so much.  My memories go back to the last 14 days of his life and all the other memories as well.  Sunday's are one of the hardest days for me.  That day was truly our day; didn't always do something special we were just together. Often it was a simple Sunday dinner we made together and sat down to eat.  Now I see no reason to make special dinners or eat very often.  Yes I am feeling very low today.  I know I must go on, but it is has been so challenging lately.

Comment by M Adams yesterday
Enjoying the idea of a conspiracy of beloved cats, especially ones named Spooky -- thanks Morgan for letting me know of this connection. Actually my earlier post was also stimulated by a sense of connection with Bluebird's lost cat and John T's attachment to his and Diane's beloved pet. At this time it's hard for me to feel connected and I'm thankful for things that make me feel a bit human.

The shared name thing reminds me that about a year after Spooky came into our lives, I got the idea that someone in the neighbourhood was mocking me, because I would hear some calling "Spooky, Spooky" the exact same way I did ....then it turned out that someone in the next street had a new kitten that he had named Spooky. My husband found that quite funny. Good to remember something nice from the past -- really appreciate experiencing something other than the alternating sad and numb sensations of bereavement.
Comment by morgan on Saturday

M Adams,  Sometimes I wonder how it is that if I pay close attention, the world seems to live and breathe using me as its vessel.  Reason I say that is what are the chances that your cat was named Spooky and you are on this website?  Because our cat was also named Spooky.  Of all the names in the world can we wonder how it was that our cats names were the same? Why we both in our grief as my cat got cancer and died sept 2015 and was truly my husbands cat until my husband died in Jan 2013 and here we are connecting over our grief.....Sometimes I wonder.....aloud.....sometimes I wonder.......quietly.  But I do wonder how it is we both had a cat named Spooky......just a ramble but I thought it was kind of "spooky".

Comment by M Adams on Thursday
Hearing about people's cats makes me want to say the name of our dear little cat Spooky. She was one of those sweet cats that wait for you at the door, recognize the sound of your car approaching, and come when you call...so of course we were always calling her name to bring her home for supper or bedtime. Then she died so suddenly last year -- my husband and I were devastated, and he wanted to adopt another kitten at once, but I felt I needed more time. Two months later my husband died, also suddenly.

Wish I had gone along with his desire to have another pet, I miss them both so much -- yet I don't think I will have a pet again. It's like now I should be alone. But I did have two cat experiences that were strange but comforting -- the first a few days after Spooky's death, and then two months later, after my husband's death. Both times the same pretty tabby cat came walking into the living room as if she lived here, strolled around, then insisted on jumping up next to me on the couch. Both times she went right to sleep and stayed by me for at least an hour. Weird but good, and soothing. It hasn't been repeated -- it was a year this Sunday since my husband's death, and after her second visit, last summer, the tabby never came here again. Sometimes I have felt like I shouldn't acknowledge grieving the loss of our cat because it seems inappropriate when my husband is dead, like people will feel that sadness about a cat is a trivial self indulgence, but it is another true relationship gone forever and one that my husband and I cherished. She was the runt of the litter and we had her from when she was very tiny -- she grew into a wonderful, beautiful cat and my husband got so much joy and laughter from knowing her. When we lost Spooky, we put a picture of her on the mantelpiece, so now it is close to the photos of my husband that I look at each day.
Comment by Linda Engberg on Thursday

Hi Irina,

I have over 20 diferent types of shirts with missing my Husband quotes

They show the different ones on the advertisments on Facebook

Linda

Comment by irina s on Thursday

A question if a member here decide to do something to him/her self to be with their spouse/love ones...how would us member know about it? 

Comment by Elynn m on Thursday

I have been so lonely the past two days.   Have no desire to do anything right now.  Spent some time out in my garden, but that didn't help too much...just got a call from my son.  Said he'll be back soon (30 minutes).   Going to the lake with the family soon.  Thank God for my caring family .   Friends have been few and far between lately.   I'm thankful that I can come to griefshare and express my feelings.

Comment by bluebird on Thursday

John,

I understand.  Aside from Summer and Benny, I still get sad about the loss of our dog Sandy, who we had when I was a kid and through my college years.  She died when I was in college, and I still love and miss her.  I don't think the pain when our loved ones (human or animal) die ever goes away.  With time it may become less harsh, less direct (depending on the person), but it never disappears.

I'm sure you cried for your cat in part because of him being one of the connections between you and Diane, especially with her birthday coming up. I know that is the case with me. It's as though each death exacerbates the pain of the others, at least for me. Are you planning to do anything on her birthday? Do you think it will be better for you to be alone, or to be with friends/family? Both are hard, of course, but just do whatever you think will be easier for you.

______________________________________________________

Anne and Lost, thank you.  

Comment by irina s on Wednesday

why some people get cancer and some people don't? ....yep kim i like come here & people talk about how they can't wait to pass so they can be with their love ones.. I want to pass away so badly to be with him and burial next to him...it hurts and im so in plain.......what do any of you do on your esp events like bdays,annivs,holiday like vday, xmas i was told its painfully wrost feeling bc of the remember and shopping and gifts. now it's nothing. 

Comment by KIM Montgomery on July 18, 2017 at 1:26pm

I like the T-shirt wear it with pride.  I like to come on here daily lately it helps me.  I feel so alone right now.  I miss Jack.  I was talking to our friend yesterday and he told her he was not afraid of dying, but he was afraid of hurting me when he passes.  He is not in pain which is good, the last year of his life he was in a lot of pain.  I am slowly starting remember all the good times, which makes it even harder.  I don't want to be alone, I didn't sign up to be a widow at 53. I hate cancer.  Thanks for listening.

 

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