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Comment by Danny on August 27, 2014 at 5:19am

I meant to talk about what has happened with people who have experienced this before or now.  I am bouncing ideas off with a grief counselor too online. 'Sudden' is a very special area and not many people know how to deal with it.

Comment by Danny on August 27, 2014 at 5:17am

I learnt this rather early on when i heard these kinds of comments that these people are amateurs with no experience.  So with many of my friends and contacts, i don't even discuss anything what happened with them.  I integrate them as part of my routine and try to feel normal. 

I try to talk to people in similar situations. 

Comment by Connie K on August 27, 2014 at 1:46am

Rachel I hate those comments too! The cliches never end. Sometimes you just want to say the truth back to them. "You don't get it, this will not pass!" They just don't know what to say. they can't understand the depth of your pain. We have to somehow continue on  knowing we will never be the same, nothing will ever be the same or "pass".

I am having such a bad day missing my son and then I went to my computer and just found out that my first cousin took his own life tonight. He was 54. I am in shock and all I can think is that my sweet Daniel is there to help my cousin when he gets there.  I pray he is finally at peace and am heartbroken for my uncle and his siblings. And I do know what NOT to say to them. I will have to wait until tomorrow morning to contact anyone as they are on the East Coast and I don't want to call in the middle of the night. So I came here. I didn't know my heart could hurt anymore than it already does, I feel like I can hardly breathe.... 

Love and prayers to everyone here

Comment by dream moon JO B on August 24, 2014 at 3:29am

me 2 rachel it anoys me wn thy tell me 2 get over it or thy try 2 forse grief out of us wish will k us worse it will

its so sad u did not get 2 kiss yore girl gdby it is so sad 

she lket lk a film star on yore profil pic hpe u dont mind me sayng 

it anys me wn thy ask silly q can yore dad sine forms he neads 2 sine thm tryed 2 tell thm he died but he still has 2 sine forms my cuzen had simler prob wn her hubby died never eeven saed be sorry for bean a pratt dont wot 2 say abot thm peple it ask thm stuff i dont 

its baby steps rachel evry 1 its baby steps

Comment by Rachel on August 24, 2014 at 12:00am

I hate comments people say!!!
To make us feel better.
Why can't they just say,
"I'm sorry".
She'll be missed,
she'll be remembered.
"Here's a hug".

Anything but, "She wouldn't want you to look and be so sad.
"She would want you to have fun and live your life"
"She's watching over you from a better place"
"You have an Angel praying for you"
"You have to keep living, move on"

I hate those comments.

At best we will all learn how to deal living everyday without them here. Learning how to survive without seeing them or talking to them everyday. Everyday is a struggle just to get out of bed.
None of the comments people make make it any better. The ONLY thing that would that would make it better is to have our CHILD BACK.

I didn't get to say "Goodbye".
Our last words to each other was "I love you" on June 15, 2014 at 5:00 pm. And she died that same night just after midnight June 16, 2014, while driving home from attending the Spurs final game.

I was left without "closure", that most people have. That one last viewing. (She HAD to have a closed casket) And since I didn't get to see her one last time; it makes it HARDER to believe she's actually gone.
It just left me, what I like to refer to as "paralyzed". I can't move on from here.. I think that's why I am having such a hard time crying for her. I feel she's still at her home in San Antonio and I'm here in our home town (3 hours away). It just doesn't seem REAL. I'm terrified of the intense pain when the shock does wear off. Which I think is slowly starting to happen. Thank you everyone for BEING THERE. Love you, I send you all my prayers and HUGS!!!

Comment by charles daley on August 23, 2014 at 5:30pm

debra i said the same thing to rachel. but with me i'm still having trouble dealing with my wife's and mom death and to this day i blame myself for their deaths and a caregiver a husband and a son i failed them because i should of did something to save them

Comment by Debra A. Whitemaine on August 23, 2014 at 5:23pm

Rachel,

I am very sorry for your loss.  We each have our awn way of grieving, so do what feels right to you.  I lost my father suddenly and unexpectedly.  Counseling and honoring his memory was very helpful to me.  I did a lot of things that may have been odd or strange to someone else but it made me feel good. Just keep doing the best you can and try to not let comments from others get to you.  People who haven't been thru this make comments because they care and want to help but don't realize how they hurt you.  Saying prayers for you.

Comment by charles daley on August 23, 2014 at 5:02pm

rach  i'm sorry for you loss people have same thing me and some were family members but right now take care of yourself forget about every body else take it from everybody on this website while your sister in law didn't know she she said and if she did please don't let that statement get you down i know we don't know each other outside of this website but remember this rachel take care of yourself and talk to someone you trust about what you are going though and your feelings

Comment by dream moon JO B on August 23, 2014 at 4:15pm

so sorry rachel we will no it will never pass evry 1 on hear will no it will never pass 

Comment by Rachel on August 23, 2014 at 4:12pm

My sister in law just hurt my feelings so badly. The came down from Rosenberg to visit with me, see how I was doing. And then se made a comment. Quote: "You may be sad now, but this too shall pass". I'm sorry I can't type anymore. I'm just so hurt. Please pray for me.

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