Rachel
  • Female
  • Port Lavaca, TX
  • United States
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  • Brice & Brianna's Mom
  • Vicki
  • dawn larvan
  • Linda
  • Gale Brunault
  • kim
  • Lynn Williams
  • Danny
  • Michelle H
  • Jane P
  • Teresa D.
  • Connie K
  • dream moon JO B
  • Brenda Ann

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About Me:
Lost my only child in a car accident.
About my Loss:
My world was turned upside down almost 2 months ago. My daughter, my only child was killed in an auto-accident. She was 27, with a bachelors degree in Education. I was so proud of her. She was the only beauty in my life. She was so beautiful, I couldn't believe how pretty she was. Receiving that dreaded call about the accident that Monday morning at work was just so surreal. I didn't know how to act. I know I felt tears come down my face but I couldn't cry. I refused to beleive it was her. The days following are just a blur. I miss her so much, I just want to hear her voice so bad, I want to hold her, talk to her. I want so much to dream her. I still haven't been able to cry for her. It just doesn't seem real. I'm terrified to give in. Giving in will make it REAL. I'm a single parent; her father was absent her whole life. It was just her and I only. My immediate family has been very supportive but I'm alone in this; in so many ways. I'm not married and "my" little family is no more. I can't have anymore children and I will NEVER have grandchildren. My faith has become almost Non-existent!!!!! And I feel no one understands!!!! People keep comparing my grief to their grief of losing a parent. I don't see the connection????? When I start to have episodes I try SO HARD to repress them. I try to think or do something else to make me laugh. It's not fair!!!! I'm getting ready to start grief counseling. I'm so scared. The word "Alone" has a new meaning for me now in so many ways.

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Rachel's Blog

THIS PAINFUL JOURNEY ALONE.

I'm only 2 months into my greif.  And I don't see how it's supposse to get better.  I hurt all the time.  I'm still in the denial stage.  I truly don't feel as though my daughter is really gone.  She was my only child.  She was killed in an auto accident.  She was the only beauty in my life.  I was so proud of her.  She graduate college with a bachelors degree in education.  She was all I had; I'm not married and my "little family" is no more.  I will never hear the patter of little feet…

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Posted on August 20, 2014 at 3:14pm — 1 Comment

Comment Wall (7 comments)

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At 8:06pm on November 18, 2014, Gale Brunault said…

Hi Rachel,

Just want you to know that I'm thinking of you and wishing you some sense of peace in an otherwise heartbreaking situation.  I can tell you that it's been 5 months since I lost my precious Michael and it still seems so unbelievable to me.  With the holidays coming up I'm lost.  I used to love them so so much.....but now.  It's not the same nor will it ever be.  I've got to figure out another way to do them but for this year, I've decided to go away and pretend there is no Christmas.  How about you Rachel?  What do you plan on doing?  Whatever it is please be kind to yourself - peace and hugs to you always.

Gale

At 1:29am on August 23, 2014, Danny said…

Hug to you too.  Yes it is important to be in touch with this site as you talk to people in similar situations. This is not available with friends as they do not really know.

At 8:14am on August 16, 2014, Gale Brunault said…

Rachel - we have a unique situation in that we both lost our only child.  I remember periodically thinking to myself that if anything ever happened to Michael I would just die.  And then it happened.  I didn't die - I filled with sadness, grief and heart break.......but I didn't die.  What a miracle!  There were times when I wanted nothing more than to be with him, but I'm told there's more to do on this earth and when Michael is ready, he will send for me.  I've cried every day and it still seems so unbelievable to me.  Is he really gone?  Did this horrible thing really happen to my son?  I think I'll always ask those questions.  In 2012 I got my masters degree in Mental health counseling but have not taken the state licensing test yet; I guess I was just putting it off.  When this happened to me, I thought that if I was going to continue living I needed to do something with my life that made a difference.  I've been working for over 20 years with victims of domestic violence and just assumed that's the subject I would tap into as a clinician.  Not anymore.  I KNOW that my calling is to work with bereaved individuals; specifically parents who have lost a child.  I am so driven to get my license and move toward this goal because it is personal for me and it gives me purpose.  Michael is right behind me all the way - he's keeping me focused on my studies so that I can pass the state test. 

Rachel it's wonderful that you're reaching out for support; I too started seeing a therapist who happened to lose her only child at the age of 24.  I'm also going to be starting a support group specifically for bereaved parents of adult children.  I encourage you to take advantage of the help out there and know that I am with you all the way.  We have a long road ahead of us yet we can make it - one day, one hour, one minute at a time.  Lots and lots of hugs and peace.....for today

At 5:55am on August 13, 2014, Teresa D. said…

Your daughter is beautiful.

At 11:04am on August 9, 2014, Connie K said…

Rachel just wrote you a l0ng message only to lose it in cyperspace. grrr. Can't reproduce it but just know I am sending you love and prayers and hugs. I too lost my only child in a car accident. I understand your pain and my heart is with you.

At 2:28am on August 8, 2014, Rachel said…
Here comes another sleepless night.
Here comes the pain.
Wishing things had never changed.
Wishing she was right here in my arms.

I can hear her say "I love you Mom" like it was yesterday.

Here comes the FIGHT of giving into the pain.. Holding back the tears.

Why? Why so young?
At 1:25pm on August 7, 2014, dawn larvan said…
Hi Rachel
I'm so sorry you're,daughter is so beautiful :) I don't have children unfortunately me and husband tried for years. The only thing I have in common with you is losing my husband age 50 fit and healthy dying in front of me 10 weeks,ago while on holiday,like you said not believing I,still feel for him on,his side of the bed :( I haven't cried much and I keep thinking I'm not normal!!! I'm think I'm going to see a counselor because when my dad died I cried for weeks so I'm sure it's not normal to be as I am. You should too it can only help again I'm so sorry about you're baby girl I wish I had such a beautiful daughter xxx
 
 
 

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