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Comment by nadia on July 3, 2011 at 1:08pm

thank you all - it really means so much to me... it is true that often I can only seek some comfort here.. hard to share with others here face to face,,, hard to voice my thoughts. thank you all nadia

Comment by Karen R. on July 3, 2011 at 12:43pm

Hello Nadia and everyone, Nadia I am so sorry for your pain from your loss. Hopefully you will continue to find the strength to carry on, somehow, someway, no matter where it comes from.

Comment by Semary Rose on July 2, 2011 at 8:59pm

Nadia, I am sorry for your loss.  I am relatively new to the group, but I want to say that I find enormous support here.  You can vent, complain, cry, emote, and everything else and know that someone else is feeling the exact same way and can validate your feelings.  We are the same age and I have a four year old, as well.  I know it is hard trying to play mommy when your soul is ripped apart.  I am so sorry.

Comment by Denise Murphy on July 2, 2011 at 7:53pm

Hi Nadia,

I am so sorry for your loss, I too lost my younger sister last year on 7/7/10 from a massive heart attack.  She was only 41 years old and she had two young children ages 9 and 10, everytime I look at them I want to scream.  I don't think I will ever accept it but I will get through it.  As her anniversary is approaching I am very emotional, I always think back to last year when she was still alive and what we were doing.  I am happy this year is almost over, I don't have to look back and think she was here last year at this time.   What I have done is I read alot of books from the library, I also journal which I find helps me to release some of this grief.  I also made a corner of my backyard a memorial garden and made a butterfly stepping stone with her name on it.  These are some of the things that have helped me in my grief.  Please know that you are in my prayers.

God Bless,

Denise

Comment by nadia on July 2, 2011 at 3:03pm

It is really killing me not hearing my twins chattering about their Auntie... My sister absolutely adored them and it pains e beyond words that they will never remember being just 4 how much she adored them...she probably loved them more than me. I feel envy for the people thay play with now because I know that my wonderful sister would have been their best playmate if she were still here.. I am envious adn resentful to our oetehr firends who are back enjoying their summer while she is gone... I cannot fathom life wiothout... I cannot even get much comfort from my boys as seeing them brings tears that she is not here to share the joys... Im everyday life I have to be strong for my mum and dad who are broken but there are these days where my bravado fails me.. I just want her back.. and cry for all the moments I had not shared with her living abroad and the moment not to ever have.. please help

Comment by Karen R. on July 2, 2011 at 10:32am

I second that big giant group hug!  it means so much too have my feelings validated and not judged. So sorry though that we are a part of all of this.

Comment by Semary Rose on July 1, 2011 at 7:37pm

I love the bond I feel with all of you.  It is definetely my source of comfort during these lonely evenings filled with sadness and panic.  Life is not fair.  It does not add up or make sense to our human eyes and minds.  I don't know what else to say about it sometimes.  Thank god for each of you.  big giant group hug>>

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on July 1, 2011 at 6:00pm

mercy, my friend, you will be ok, hang in there ;)

Comment by mercy on June 30, 2011 at 11:43am

Dear friends I second everything you are saying. I don't even want to wear nice looking clothes or enjoy any activities anymore. My mom and brother were so precious to me that everything I do in their absence is an effort. Someone commented on how pretty I looked yesterday and I just wanted to scream. I'm broken emotinally and physically am A WRECK. I feel a great bond with you all since you can relate to all I'm feeling. I just don't want to be here. Why did my brother have to die so suddenly when he had three young kids to support? My other brother is clinging to life after he got a debilitating meningitis attack in November. How much is one supposed to endure?

Comment by Karen R. on June 29, 2011 at 11:15pm

Greetings to all, Semary, I totally understand about feeling like a shell and trying to fake it. This sucks!!!!! I also understand the quilt feeling when you might remotely enjoy a song or a movie or laugh at something funny. Sometimes I think if I "enjoy" something, it will make my son feel like I am accepting what has happened to him and I don't. I don't feel like I will ever enjoy life again. It just doesn't seem possible. I am still angry with the idea that this world is going on WITHOUT my son!!! Sometimes my mind is screaming.....how dare they!!!!!My world ended, so should everyone else's. I know that sounds crazy but that is how I feel. Truly. I do NOT wish this kind of pain on anyone, well perhaps on the man responsible for robbing my son of his young life, other than him......no one else.

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