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Comment by Karen R. on July 7, 2011 at 9:36pm

Hey Marlene, I am glad that you can rest a little easier now. I know that tired feeling you are talking about.

Comment by marlene lovell on July 7, 2011 at 9:13pm

I wanted to share with the group that today I finally purchased a final resting place for my husband in the form of an urn. I have been heartbroken that I did not have a proper place for his remains and now my soul can rest easier that I have something for him with the words I wanted to say to him and the thoughts that have been within me. the last six months have been so physically and mentally shattering and as the shock wears off, my body, mind, and soul are so very tired.

Comment by Karen R. on July 7, 2011 at 7:48pm

Hello Semary, I agree with Mercy, I am sure you will make sure that your children will remember their dad as best as they can. I am sure that they are the ones that give you a little push to carry on, they really need you, just as I know my children need me, especially my youngest.......poor thing is always worried that I am going to pass away because of my sadness over her big brother. I try to conceal my mourning from her but when she is not around, it overflows. I know how difficult this has to be for you, so sorry.  I also have a scrapbook for my son, I made it mainly for her. I haven't been able to look at it for awhile because it just makes me more angry.

Comment by Karen R. on July 7, 2011 at 7:38pm

Greetings Sherri, once again, so sorry for your losses. Thanks so much for sharing your feelings and thoughts. I did not lose a spouse or a parent but I did lose my 21 yr old son, actually, robbed of my son feels more accurate and true. My son passed away I think 19 or 20 months ago, I still try to avoid counting, it just makes me more angry and I still haven't, nor do I think I will ever accept what has happened to him. You are so blessed to have a understanding husband. Getting a new husband does NOT replace the one you lost,  just has having another child/children replace your child that you lost. I am sure that the love you still have for your husband that passed away, does not take any love away that you have for your new husband. This was not a mutual agreement between you and your 1st husband for him to lose his life, this was not a "divorce", so I totally understand why he is forever in your heart.

Thanks for your support.

Comment by Semary Rose on July 7, 2011 at 7:32pm

Please ignore the fact that I decided to address my last comment to everyone, including MYSELF!  I meant to write "Mercy".  Good golly, I need rest or something.

Comment by Semary Rose on July 7, 2011 at 7:24pm

Karen, Ruth, Semary and Sherri, thank you so much for your support.  I know I don't have to describe what it feels like (the support) because hopefully, you feel it to from us to you.  I had a bad day yesterday.  I was beginning to wonder if I had "gotten over it" and questioned why I felt numb and then "blam!", there was the anxiety and reality check and it overwhelmed me.  I really have to get to scrapbooking.  I am terrible with making time to do things other than work and loving and caring for the kids in the basic sense.  I need more time in a day.  Sometimes, I feel like I don't even have time to give myself to grieve and mourn.  I asked my mom to babysit Saturday evening while I went to the cemetary.  I find it to be a cathartic experience that I neither dread nor look forward to.  A strange emotion that is.

Comment by mercy on July 7, 2011 at 3:11pm

I’m so sorry Semary; life is so unfair. Its not fair that she gets to grow up without her daddy. Just know that he is watching over all of you. I know you’ll work hard to keep him alive in their lives in any way possible. My little girl was just learning to say granny in my native language; I would always praise her for saying it. Now I just cannot bring myself to let her utter those words since she’ll never be able to say it to her in person. IT HURTS SO BAD. I’m making a scrapbook for her with keepsakes of her extended family and when she grows up I’ll tell her about them and how much she means to all of them. Anyway, sorry to ramble but I will say a prayer for your family, I can only imagine how hard it must be.

Comment by Sherri Martin on July 7, 2011 at 3:09pm

Thanks to all of you for being willing to share your strategies and your days (and nights) both good and bad.  I introduced myself awhile back and wrote of how the loss of both my parents in the last 3 1/2 years brought back the feelings of grief over the sudden loss of my husband Nov. 28, 2000.  Our son was 8 at the time and had just been diagnosed with Asperger's, an autism spectrum disorder.  His reaction to his dad's death differed, I think, from most children.  Still, he indicated at times that he might have been able to 'save dad' had he been with him in our room when he died.  He spent many, many nights joining me in that room and once said that he was afraid if he wasn't there to hold onto me that I might die, too, and he'd be alone.  He's 18 now and does well with his unique challenges and rarely speaks of his dad.  When he does he refers to him as his 'old dad' because I remarried in 2005 and so now my new husband is 'dad' to him.  I still have cycles or periods of sadness and depression....still periodically ask those 'what if' questions.  My new husband has been wonderful and sensitive, though at times I think he's being compared.  Inevitable, I suppose.  I, too, used to regularly watch the John Edwards show and wonder if I could make contact. I so wanted to have the chance to say 'I love you' again.  I dream of him quite often now (though I didn't for many years) and talk to him, still....and always will.  I still consider him the love of my life and often feel guilty about that in regards to my new marriage.  However, I know, too, that I do the best I can.  I've been blessed with many new friends and experiences because I chose to relocate four years after my husband's death.  I chose to move on, though I found that the sense of loss and grief does not stay behind....it stays with me.  It's often just under the surface - sometimes deep and other times very close.  I still choke up and get tears when I speak of him to others - even if they never knew him. Early on, I went through long periods of overwhelming sadness and anger at his death.  Now, the sadness is softer (most of the time) and the anger and the 'why???' are understood for what they were - my not wanting the loss and battling against its being forced on me.  I recognize so much of what I felt and feel in your posts. Bless you all.  Take deep breaths when you can and never believe what you feel 'shouldn't be' or 'isn't rght'.  It is right for you.

Comment by Ruth on July 7, 2011 at 1:47am

Wow, so much here.  First Semary Rose, I'm sorry I don't have "magic wand" words for you or your 4 year old.  Karen is so right, how do you give comfort when you don't feel it? Something my dad and I used to tell each other over the crap of this life/world is  that earthly life is a vale of tears and one day, in Heaven, there will be no more tears( unless it is for joy)

 

Semary Rose, my sounding board, best listener friend is a speech therapist at the school I work at. My husband had a speech delay and an impediment and 2 of my sons had the same. All have no impediments and one sings like an angel for a couple of churches.  Karen is right, the interventions and protocols help make marvelous progress, I see that in my job.  I work 4K-12th grade, so I get to follow the kids.  It is also encouraging to see your daughter is only 2.  If the delay is due to deeper issues, it shows me there's a good support system in place to have it brought up/out this early. I will pray for you and your little family, as well as all of us here in our bigger family.(((Hugs)))

Comment by Karen R. on July 6, 2011 at 10:45pm

Hello Mercy......I feel like you do,  I just need to know from my son if he is really at peace. Let me know what you find out in your research. I am glad to hear that you are having a better day then your night before.

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