Comment

Comment by Karen R. on July 4, 2011 at 7:12pm

Hey Marlene and everyone, I think that was insensitive for your "friend" to tell you those things as if your husband had revealed it to her. That was poor judgement on her part, even though she may not see it that way. I guess that grief and mourning can be defined as you did, they are both an individual experience, unique but often we share similar thoughts and expressions. No one needs permission to grieve, there are no laws governing how someone should feel and for how long they should feel that way. I do know that in some societies, it is expected and accepted to openly mourn. I don't care if there were any expected ways for me to mourn in this society or not........my mourning is not 'rehearsed" or a purposeful act. I did not chose grief, for I surely would have NEVER chosen that! Every time I close my eyes, I hope that when I open them, I will be hugging my son and that this has all been a huge mistake.  Whether it's outward or inward, it's always with me. I don't have the magic answer to how long I will feel like this. If I could not express my grief to someone that truly understands, I dont know where I would be now.   Thanks again to everyone for listening.

Comment by marlene lovell on July 4, 2011 at 6:19pm

Thank you all who responded. Your words are much needed and appreciated. My friend and I have had a very turbulent relationship even before my husbands death. John, my husband, could not stand my friend yet tolerated her for my sake. I have tolerated her "eccentric" ways yet after John died and she had the gall to tell me she could speak to his spirit and preceded in telling me a line of BS of what he said from the other side...well..that about ended any tolerance on my part. I am a firm believer in the afterlife and after death communication, yet from her that was taking it to far at such a time in my life. Nothing she told me he said was nothing she had not already known from me regarding him, so there was and is now way I would believe her...aside from this, she commented that now with Johns death I could start living the life I was meant to live!!!!!..sure she was factoring this comment in to the fact John struggled with addiction all thru our life together, yet once again....do you really say such a thing to a person who just lost their husband three weeks prior to that comment???.On another note, I read that grief and mourning are differnt. Grief is the thoughts and feelings we have when someone dies and mourning is the outward epression of grief. Does society really allow us to mourn as we should?

Comment by mercy on July 4, 2011 at 2:50pm

K Broussard; I did have constant pain in my chest during my moms final weeks on earth and for about two weeks after she passed. I've also been dealing with indigestion, stomach pains and terrible anxiety. The stomach pains were explained in a book on grief as been related to low serotonin which is responsible for many functions in the body including mood and digestion. I also have neck pain which always occurs when I'm having a stressful event in my life. I've lost three young brothers, my mom and dad and this feelings are all too familiar. Its so unfair that we have to keep living when our loved ones are long gone. I'm just taking it one hour at a time these days. God Bless.

Comment by Kandi Broussard on July 4, 2011 at 2:38pm

Does anyone else have severe panic attacks and physical illnesses due to their grief?

Comment by nadia on July 4, 2011 at 2:38pm

Dear Marlene, I too feel that often people around us cannot or do not seem to know how to act or resume contact/communication. I had some friends happily chatter about life, holidays, whinge about petty things.. sometimes I feel pleasantly distracted but if it goes on too long I feel like screaming too about and feel resentful for them going on about life normally... it works in (very) small doses but then it becomes untolerable... I personally can only tolerate only the company of very few people (people who knwo and truly LOVED my sister) and tend to shun away from most others... I also feel that unfortunately people who are lucky not to be in position cannot grasp the pain the hurt and anguish.. funny enough I am a psycholigist and have been working with people with chronic illness yet only now after losing my wonderful sister can fully understand loss.. I shamefully have to admit that never before would I be able to fully relate to loss and grief... Nver would ahv e imagined the physical pain and disabling feeling of longing and regret... So many years of training or clinical experience and yet so utterly clueless.. it is shocking...I would say trust your feelings and stay close to people who would not aggravate you in any way... Not sure if I make much sense other than suggesting that often the inappropriate encounters may be not bad inetnded but due to lack of awareness, awckardness ... rather than insensitivity...

Comment by Ruth on July 4, 2011 at 9:48am

Marlene, I have felt the way you feel in cycles.  Especially at first, then when I was extra soggy, I was more like Semary Rose's remark, where "normal" talk helped lift the fog a bit.  I guess I"m with Semary Rose on this, if you guys were very close, have a heart to heart.  If she was barely tolerated before, maybe you need to have faith in God and "clean house".  Personally, I find no company preferable to bad company, but some people aren't like that. Don't forget, we're here too.

Comment by Semary Rose on July 3, 2011 at 10:49pm

Hi Marlene, I honestly feel that your friend just doesn't know what else to say or that it may upset you.  I personally feel better sometimes when people just treat me normally and complain about little things, the same way I did before my experience with death.  The experience defines me at the moment, but I don't want others to know that.  When they talk about their life, I find a temporary, perhaps fake,  lift from my sadness and a reality check that life goes on so cruelly in spite of our losses.  If you were close to your friend before, then chances are that she does not know how to handle the new you.  Have a heart to heart.

Comment by Karen R. on July 3, 2011 at 10:13pm

Hey Marlene, I do not think that you would be selfish to cut her off!!! How insensitive can a person be?!!  I also feel like people's complaints are petty, especially if they have not suffered such a tremendous loss of losing someone they cherish. I guess it could also be possible that she really doesnt know what to say to you or maybe she thinks asking you may upset you, its hard to tell.

Comment by mercy on July 3, 2011 at 10:09pm

Marlene; I feel the same way you do. I find it so hard to have empathy for other peoples seemingly petty issues. Theres this gentleman who comes to work and complains endlessly about his divorce. It takes a lot for me to console him and give him a pep talk when I myself am dealing with the recent death of my mom and sudden death of my brother last year.  but I also understand they need validation and in their world; this is the most pain they've probably ever experienced. Just maintain your relationship with your friend. The one thing I know is that God is faithful and He will wash away our tears and give us a reason to smile again and to start dwelling on things like we once did. I've also been feeling so guilty since my 19 month old has not really had a sane mommy for a while now. My mom was diagnosed with cancer when my girl was three months old. My whole world was shattered; and it threw me into deep depression. A few months later, my 43 year old brother died suddenly. I was so numb that I totally refused to accept his death until a few weeks ago. Now I'm dealing with moms death and my baby has watched me cry so many times throughout her illness and now death. It takes everything I have just to get motivated to get up and take care of her. I totally understand what you all are dealing with and I can only offer my support and a listening ear.

Comment by marlene lovell on July 3, 2011 at 9:17pm

Semary and Nadia, I agree its is so diffcult to be a good parent to your children and go thru such heartbreaking pain. I also wonder if it is selfish to not want to hear others seemily petty complaints when you have faced the ultimate complaint: DEATH......I have a friend who has not ask how Iam doing, nothing what so ever on the death of my husband yet she wants me to hear and share in her complaints of her horrible job and all around life..is it selfish of me to just want to discontinue this friendship because now I can see clearly of who she really is and I could not see this before...my husbands death has openend my eyes to such remarkable insight. Should I hold on to something now meaningless and draining.....or surrond myself with ones who can offer what I need? Is this selfish of me?

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• …
• 99
• 100
• 101
• 102
• 103
• …
• 127
• Next ›
• Page