Crystal K
  • Female
  • Honolulu, HI
  • United States
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  • Frances Koonce
  • Avi
  • Joy
  • BLUEBELL

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Latest Activity

Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Sending hugs to everyone today and tomorrow. Another year without my mom :( Missing her so much. "
Dec 31, 2018
Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi guys just sending my love and prayers to everyone this holiday season. These times can be especially difficult. Im glad Thanksgiving is over. It wasnt a good day for me. My aloha to everyone ❤️❤️❤️ "
Nov 23, 2018
Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi guys, its been awhile since I posted. Been really busy with work- guess thats a good thing because it means less time for me to dwell on things. My sister just found out she’s pregnant with her fourth kid. Really happy and excited for her,…"
Oct 22, 2018
Crystal K is now friends with Frances Koonce and Avi
Aug 18, 2018
Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"The indifference is hard. I hate it when people ask me how Zim doing or how lifw is... I just want to scream at them “how do you think it is!” My boss constantly asks me and everytime I just respond with a “fine” or…"
Aug 13, 2018
Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi guys I know I havent posted recently but I do keep up with all your posts. Still battling the same things. Ive decided to see a therapist to help me deal through my emotions.  thinking of you all ❤️"
Jul 23, 2018
Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi everyone, wanted to share this with you guys. Today is the one year anniversary of my mom’s death-and coming across this has helped make today a little more bearable. "
Jul 9, 2018
Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi everone, wanted to share  this with you guys. Its made today (the  1 year anniversary of my mom’s death) a lot easier. "
Jul 9, 2018
Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Now Im more worried about my anger/resentment issues because its gotten to a point where I am so envious of others and Ive also avoided contact with family members because I havent forgiven them. And I know they must be going through their own guilt…"
Jul 1, 2018
Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett, yes we do torture ourselves with guilt but like you said its so hard not too... I too feel so guilty over little things... I feel guilty just smiling sometimes... You’re right I do go longer periods now without thinking about my mother,…"
Jul 1, 2018
Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thank you guys. Happy birthday to your mom Theresa.  Brett, I am dreaming of my mom less and less frequent. I wonder if it is our memories with them fading :(   I thank God for pictures but sometimes I know I am slowly losing the…"
Jun 28, 2018
Joy left a comment for Crystal K
"Hi Crystal, happy birthday. My birthday is also tomorrow and I also dream of my mom occasionally. I dreamed of her last night. She's been gone a little over a year and it's not gotten any better for me. I'm functioning, but I think of…"
Jun 28, 2018
Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi guys, sorry I've been MIA for a while. You guys give me a lot of comfort but sometimes even being here is hard, talking to each other about our moms. Bluebell, just read what you are going through! I hope you are feeling better!  I…"
Jun 28, 2018
Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Sorry for the typos. Using my phone. "
Jun 11, 2018
Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hey all, how are you guys doing? Havent checked in in awhile, been pretty busy with work.. Guess its a good thing cause then Im not thinking about my mom constantly.. I wonder, when do we become comfortable when we’re alone? I feel like when…"
Jun 11, 2018
Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett you always bring light to our darkest thoughts. I am so thankful to know you. I wrill try to tell myself that from now on, that my mom would want me to live. "
May 25, 2018

Profile Information

About my Loss:
I lost the most important person to me 10 days after my 25th birthday- my mom. Still dealing with all the emotions that come with such a significant loss. Its hard, very hard. Life feels empty. I don't enjoy much anymore. Any joy I have is overcast with a dark cloud of sadness. I'm angry, and sad. I have lost others but nothing could prepare me for this.
Now I don't know what the word is to describe the amount of pain and abandonment I feel from losing my mom. Feel like I don't have anyone to rely on. Never was close to my dad. Sisters moved out 10 years ago so although I love them, I am not very close as I once was.

If it was possible I would exchange places with her in a heartbeat, not because of how painful it is- but so she could've lived longer and enjoyed her grandchildren (my sister's kids). She was such a selfless mother, grandmother, sister, caretaker- that she did not deserve to go out the way she did.

Comment Wall (4 comments)

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At 6:36pm on June 28, 2018, Joy said…

Hi Crystal, happy birthday. My birthday is also tomorrow and I also dream of my mom occasionally. I dreamed of her last night. She's been gone a little over a year and it's not gotten any better for me. I'm functioning, but I think of her all day every day.

At 9:33pm on October 9, 2017, Bryan Kelly Reeves said…

just your story, why your are here, what you battle (anger, fear, etc)

At 5:16pm on October 9, 2017, Bryan Kelly Reeves said…

Id love yo exchange stories sometime. Also Im working on a project for my masters degree and need to have contact with 5 people and ask them a few questions.

At 7:23pm on September 20, 2017, Joy said…

Crystal, like you, I talk to my mom daily. Whether she can hear me is unknown. I do believe God hears me, so I ask him to tell my mom how much I love her, miss her and wish I could see her to give her a hug. I'd give up everything I own to see her again

 
 
 

Latest Activity

Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Happy Father's Day to my Husband Julian in Heaven. I miss you so much."
yesterday
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I started to compose a blow by blow sequence of events of my loves illness and passing but it became too painful and couldn't continue.  Here we share how we are feeling grieving our lost Loves.  In reality, most of my underlying…"
Saturday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"No matter how we express our thoughts, we are all in the same boat together. We just keep waiting for it to sink so we can join our loved ones."
Saturday
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"M Adams, I totally understand; I detest being around happy families, and especially happy couples. It's not that I want anything bad to happen to them, I definitely do not. It's just that they have what my beloved and I should still have,…"
Saturday
M Adams commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"usually I find your comments really clear, Linda, so I don’t think it’s not being good with words, more that it’s hard to express these things in words.  Actually I couldn’t follow what Joe said either, but it’s…"
Saturday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hello M Adams Joe explained in his post of how I feel. I am not good with words on explaining things but Joe you said it perfectly. I just want to thank everyone here for sharing their thoughts, as we are all in the same boat together."
Saturday
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Speaking for myself, I identify with Linda.  My Love left our world and I know it, and accept that she crossed over into another realm of existence and can't come back.  I want her back and I live in HELL every day without her. …"
Saturday
M Adams commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda, not sure what you mean here when you say you can accept the loss of your husband but not being able to change it is your whole problem — do you mean not being able to change the fact of the loss, or not being able to change the way it…"
Friday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Morgan, Like you mentioned in your post, there is no normal in my life. I just take each day as it comes and just wait for death. I can accept that Julian is gone but not being able to change it is my whole problem."
Friday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Haven't been writing recently as have had so much to organize in my life I just haven't had a moment and when I do I am so tired.  So grateful to everyone else who continues to write though.  I look here daily to read.…"
Friday
mindy posted a status
"Hello everyone I'm doing ok I went back to work and just had my meeting there today they said I'm doing an awesome job"
Thursday
mindy and Brenda Ann are now friends
Thursday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"They told me that Mom had a heart attack.  It happened on the weekend.  I had made her breakfast & she seemed fine.  I am thankful she was at home & that I was with her, but it hurts so much knowing she is gone.  I just…"
Thursday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I was with my mom when she passed and it was not sudden. I may have thought I was prepared. I wasn't. I tried to say and do all of the right things. Still, after her last breath, it was as though I hadn't prepared at all. I knew what to…"
Thursday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thanks so much!  It helps having others that understand.  Some of my family is supportive & that helps.  It helps just having someone listen that truly understands.  I have one sibling, but he was never as close to my…"
Thursday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It's important to have people in your life who understand, even if they are on a message board like this, because sometimes you have to look far and wide to find someone to walk with you. Sometimes I will call my mom's sister. She will…"
Thursday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thank you, some days are better than others.  I feel so for you.  My Mom was the center of my world also.  I lived with her & took care of her.  I am so thankful that I could be there for her, but now I miss her so…"
Thursday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Three months is not very long. It is still very fresh for you. There will be a lot of triggers. Sometimes they will hit you out of the blue. Other times you know that one is coming, like if you have to drive by a familiar place. It's important…"
Thursday
Patrick E Woodson posted a status
"Hello everyone. I lost my best friend two weeks ago. I'm constantly crying feeling like I can't go on."
Thursday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I never cried much before, but I do now.  I think crying does help.  I had a trigger this morning & have been crying since.  It has been over three months, but I still feel numb.  "
Thursday

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