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Comment by Jaime Blythe on February 25, 2013 at 12:40pm

Shawna, I completely understand where you are coming from. With it being over four months I still get the urge to call my mom. I haven't stopped reliving the last couple of weeks of my moms life. She went so quickly from being alert and knowing what was happening, to not knowing any of us, even to asking why did we name decide to name my daughter Rebecca and call her Becky. I will never forget the last day she spoke to us, she became very violent, she had liver cancer that spread to the kidneys, and five spots on the brain. Anyway the last day she spoke to us, she looked at me and asked why is this happening to me?, and what did I do to deserve this? That was so hard to hear. Let alone to tell her I didn't know why it ws happening, and that she did not deserve this, no one does. The video of my and my hubby's vow renewal which happened only three days after mom was diagnosed, I've seen it twice and it hurts to much right now to watch it, hearing her laugh, seeing her dance, yet watching her cry as she already knew that it was going to be the last time she danced, the last time she would see some family members, the last time she would see her granddaughter all dressed up in a fancy gown, the last time she would be helping me to fluff a dress, a veil. She always dreamed of helping me when my baby gets married to fluff her gown, and fix her veil. Now she won't, ad she knew. It rips my heart and stomach out every time I think about that, all of her "last things", last words, food, drink, hugs, kisses, every last thing. It's burned in my brain of a movie that I can't get to stop. With Easter coming, I'm trying to figure out how to make it a good one. Mom loved making the Easter baskets all up, she was so good at it, the wonderful dinner, egg hunt as well. Mom just loved Easter, as well as Christmas, and thanksgiving. Last Easter was by far the best, now I know why, since it was her last Easter to be here. Hang in there Shawna, we are all here for you.

Comment by Lucy Russo on February 24, 2013 at 9:52pm

Thank you so much for all your kind words and prayers. I can't tell you how much it helps to know that I am not alone in my profound sadness. I know things will never be the same but I really hope that the pain and emptiness I feel will get better. I know I have to go on for my kids but there are moments it just feels overwhelming. Thank you again - I am so glad to have found this group.

Comment by michael sandoval on February 24, 2013 at 8:34pm

My Condolences to everyone.  I also am feeling very sad lately.  My mom passed in September 2012 and it feels like yesterday.

God bless all of us.

Comment by Jaime Blythe on February 24, 2013 at 8:14pm

Lisa, your words are so very true in every way. My aunt just got a wii system for, my dad, me, my hubby, and my little girl for something that we could do together and have some fun. Yesterday and today we were over at my dads playing and hanging out. Not sure if you read my posts but I'm having rough medical problems, and hopefully the severe pain I'm in right now will ease or else I may need to go to the ER. However, this weekend has been the first time in over four months that I could say we all had some good laughs. Yet at the same time, I can't help but feel guilt for having those good times without my mom. I know in my head its good to laugh and have a good time, and its not a betrayal to the person who has passed on, yet in my heart I just can't help but feel bad in some ways.

Lucy, Melisa, Eliza, and Lisa, my heart and prayers go out to all of you, and everyone else as well on the website. Never in my craziest dreams did I ever think I would be 30 years old when I would have to bury my mom. We all have a special bond with " mom", just like the description about this part of the website says, we shared a body with our moms. We are a part of our moms, and they are a big part of us too. It's the one of the worst pains we ever have to go through. I wish there was a wand to wave and make the pain and heartache for everyone on here to stop, as well as to make all our loved ones completely healed and to be back with us again. I guess that pain though won't end entirely until we go to the heavenly gates, and can be with our loved ones again. I'm glad my mom isn't in pain nor suffering anymore, it's just so hard on those of us who are left behind though. Trying to make our loved ones feel better is so difficult to do when we ourselves are in so much emotional, and/ or physical pain as well.

It's so hard to watch the kids wanting to know, where is my mommom, Grammy, or whatever their special name for their grandmothers are. For instance, my daughter is 5 yrs old, she has yet to cry over my mom passing. Yet she keeps asking when will mommom come home from vacation to heaven? Or she will ask how much longer is it going to be until we see mommom again. She has asked my husband, me, and my dad those questions, and t just rips our hearts out. We try to explain to her where mom is, yet the dear soul just thinks someday soon she will see mom walk through the door. On valentines day my dad came over to have dinner with us, and my little one asked my dad, where's mommom, I miss her. All of us just kind of stopped and looked at each other like what do we say. We tried to talk to her and help her understand. When my mom died, it was the day after my daughters 5th birthday, mom was determined to get through my little ones birthday. Becky, my daughter, did go to the viewing and funeral, she was right there when mom died. She told us just before mom took her final breath that there were a lot of angels in the room, and when mom died she told us that mom got up, hugged all of us as well as gave us kisses, told Becky to be a good girl and take care of mommy, daddy, and poppop, and then she took the angels hand and walked out of the room. She also said that angels were hugging me while I was holding my moms lifeless body and begging God to give her life and healing. In some ways that day seems like it only happened minutes ago, in other ways it seems like it was so long ago. Yet it was only on October 16, 2012. Goodness, I miss her so very much. Really wish that she was still here to watch Becky grow and be there for all those important days. This year Becky will be starting kindergarten, and my mom always talked about how her and I would be standing there crying watching Becky go into school for the first time. It just tears my heart out for Becky to not understand and here she just thinks mom is on vacation. It sure would be nice if Heaven had visiting hours.

My thoughts, prayers, & hugs are with you all. You're all such wonderful people.

Comment by Lisa S on February 24, 2013 at 7:22pm

Hi Eliza....sometimes...you just have go to your room and cry...cry hard and let out the anger, the sadness...it is exhausting but it is also a release, it is natural (sadly)...that we work so hard at being strong wether its for our children other grieving family members or just because we've always been labeled the strong one...and that's your roll....to just suck it up and work at moving forward rather than allowing the process of grief to take its course...and to make it more difficult...grieving is really not acceptable in our society. But you don't really realize that until it happens to you....you knew and loved your mom longer and better than any other human being as she also did you, with grief there is no destination...it is a journey. Please don't be so hard on yourself...and when you feeling your worst just focus on one breath at a time...and when it is possible allow yourself to cry and let out the emotions you are so bravely trying to hold together....you lost your mom....that is a big deal. And when your not feeling so bad be sure to really enjoy the things that bring you smiles....just sitting and watching my kids (without them knowing (teenagers, no easy feat)....brings a warmth to my very sad heart.

Comment by Eliza on February 24, 2013 at 6:13pm

Been feeling waves of overwhelming sadness again. My mom passed almost three months ago. I thought I was doing ok, but it's really hitting me hard this week. I feel like I'm wading through sludge, if that makes sense. It still hurts so much. How do you cope with this?

Comment by Lisa S on February 24, 2013 at 4:44pm

Lucy and Melissa...I am so sad for both of you...I lost my best friend, biggest fan, most loyal support system and "Grammy" to my 2 children on Dec 28, 2009....I wish I could tell you it gets better, it doesn't, but I am going to try to encourage you the best way I can. Even after 3 yrs...my breath is still taken away at the fact that she is not here physically with us any more. I remember her last coherent words to me..."I just wish I had 10 more years with you, Wiilliam and the Kids". That still would not have been enough....
We loved to cook together, go to movies, vacatoin, share stories about what the kids were doing....who really appreciates the little everyday accomplishments of your children as much as you do other then a loving, supportive mom/grammy? She loved them just as much as I do. There are still days that I am so weepy, I feel like a child (I'm 45). Her b-day is Feb 16 (she was a young 67) and mine is Feb 17...we also shared the love of her Son (William)...Dalia was my dear sweet mother-in-law, who was more a "mother" to me than my birth mother. We held each other up and took shifts during my father in laws 6 mo battle with colon cancer in June 2006....my husband lovingly called us Thelma and Louise as we would put dad in the car for numerous runs to ER and/or Dr appts...while he stayed home with our 2 kids..."mom" and I were always each others rocks! I'm sharing all this for 2 reasons, first I want you to believe I really understand the sharp pain in your gut...the huge hole in your heart as there is something to be said for not feeling like you are "alone" in your suffereing. And my guess is there are few people around you (albeit they love and care for you) that you feel truly understand the depth of your sorrow. They can't...so they say the only comforting words they can think of; she's in a better place; she's no longer in pain etc. The second reason I share is a little more selfish but part of my "encouragement" to you...it feels good to talk about it and not to loved ones or friends who look at you or tell you, it's time to move on. They do mean well because they don't like to see us suffereing but those words are not comforting and sends us a message that they do not understand the severe overwhelming loss we so trying to get a handle on. No we don't WANT to think negatively but reality is reality and it doesn't look or feel so good to us. So my advise is to share and talk or write about your experience, your feelings. There is no magic or magic words to take away your profound sadness...just literally take deep breaths to get you through the day or sometimes the next minute and I can tell you that time/life goes on and the sharp pains of anguish you feel now will dull...not go away... but remember there is no destination for grief it is a journey....our Lives have been changed and will never be the same...huge hugs and good thoughts for both of you!!

Comment by Melisa C on February 24, 2013 at 2:56pm

Hi Lucy I'm very sorry for your loss. I feel the same way as you do, it's been a month and a few days for me... It's too soon and that's why it's completely understandable how you are feeling. Our moms were a huge part of our world and now we have to learn to live without them. I don't know when will it get better, but know that you are not alone in your feelings. I send you a hug and my thoughts are with you.

Comment by Lucy Russo on February 24, 2013 at 8:10am

My mom passed away a week and half ago and I can't believe the emptiness. She had always had heart problems but this was totally unexpected. I know my 2 kids need me but I can't seem to function. This emptiness seems to consume most of my day. I'm trying to struggle through but it is so hard. I hate that life will never be the same. My father passed away many years ago so now I feel very alone.

Comment by Anne on February 22, 2013 at 4:22am

Jaime Blythe: My prayers and thoughts are with you...

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