Lisa S
  • Female
  • Murrieta, CA
  • United States
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About Me:
I am a 43 year old wife and mom to 2 kids (16 & 13)
About my Loss:
Mine is a unique situation. My father committed suicide when I was 21 (convicted rapist), my mother and I have had a strained relationship since she sent me to live with my father at the age of 12. I met my "true" parents at the age of 18 when I met my future mother and father in-law. They were the most supporitive, loving parents I could have ever dreamed of. And they were the best grandparents any grandchild could ask for. Our life was not perfect, but very rich in love, support and friendship. In 2006, after a 6 month battle with colon cancer, my father in law passed at the "youthful" age of 67. In 2009, after a 12 month battle with Uterine cancer, my mother in law passed at the "youthful" age of 67. They were both in EXCELLENT health and so happy in their life with us and their 2 sons, 2 daughter in laws, and 3 grand kids. They were my kids full time day care providers while my husband and I were at work (by their choice - they would not have it any other way). They were our friends, we often dinnered together and planned every vacation together. My mother in law was also my best friend and closest ally...she was the "mom" I never had. My sadness and grief is so child like, it is overwhelming at times. My husband and brother in law are having just as hard of a time even after the years that have passed. They show it more in anger. I don't feel that there is anyone that really understands, friends don't even ask anymore about it. I am in the process of reading The Orphaned Adult, which has really helped me to feel sane. My husband and I agree that we feel like we have also lost precious years of our childrens young lives as we have tried to numb ourselves to get through the severe sense of loss we feel. I am a logical person, and I know that we all will die. Why is it so hard to just be thankful for the time we were so blessed. That is what my mind tells me, but my heart just can't seem to adjust.

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Latest Activity

Billy Jo Colt commented on Kelli Auerbach's blog post New York Times essay I wrote about orphanhood
"Thank you Kelly for a genuine and bright yet deep insight into how berievement has affected you. Children are resourcefull and it isn't till in later life that the death of a loved one creates a new reality. I've written a song about the…"
yesterday
Kelli Auerbach posted a blog post

New York Times essay I wrote about orphanhood

Hi everyone, I am new to the group, but not to loss. Thanks for adding me.I wanted to share an essay I wrote, "Welcome to the Freak Show: Becoming an Orphan in My 20s", that is in the New York Times today. Even though all of our experiences with grief are unique, I hope it resonates in some way.Best, KelliSee More
yesterday
Profile IconKelli Auerbach, Fedor Malkin and Jan McCracken joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
yesterday
Coartney Hale updated their profile
Thursday
Coartney Hale posted photos
Thursday
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Everyone sounds a little down today.   And that's OK.   I do the same thing.   I am learning how to move on with life.  I know that there will never be another Joe.  He was my life, my love.  I miss…"
Thursday
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Over the last couple of days, I've had some real negative thoughts, scary to say the least.  I know I'll never see her here with me again, which I know but can't accept, but today I questioned is she here with me in spirit? …"
Thursday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Marita, not that I am glad to  hear you suffer from anxiety and fear but thank you for at least sharing that you too are overwhelmed with living.  At times I want to scream that the way I feel is not some cry for sympathy but more I am…"
Thursday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Bluebird, You were the original poster who made it real for me that telling the truth about our pain was ok.  That it was how this grief was going to be no mater how I might be told otherwise.  And to know that your truth is that pretty…"
Wednesday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda, yes, I too have the recurring thoughts my brain sends me that my husband is dead.  It's not possible for me to accept it either.  I know it as fact just as I know the sun shines, but when it appears in my brain I simply cannot…"
Wednesday
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"As much as we all suffer, some may have an additional burden of having to go out into the real world and deal with people in business to survive.  The impact of that makes it all that much more unbearable.  While I'm not in that…"
Wednesday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Nobody really understands except for the members on this website. It was a life saver for me. Thanks to all of you who share your posts and the support we give each other."
Wednesday
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, yes.  Linda, yes.  Marita, yes.  Bulebird, Yes.  I'm becoming paralyzed to the point of petrification.  NOTHING MATTERS except what we all know what it is.  We can't go back and we can't accept…"
Wednesday
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Same here, Marita. Things I would have been able to deal with before (either before I met my husband, or while he was here with me), I cannot handle at all now. Any tiny problem is insurmountable. Everything is. Morgan, I am truly sorry you are…"
Wednesday
Marita commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, i live with constant fear and anxiety. Every time I am confronted with a new problem I break down because my husband is not here to support me, to comfort me, to love me and it is a reminder of my loss.  When things become so…"
Wednesday
Rosaisela is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Wednesday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, My whole problem with myself is I just can't accept my Husband's death and there is a not a thing I can do about it. I want things back the way things were. So to avoid all my breakdowns I try to numb myself with beer. I don't…"
Wednesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, I felt something very similar. After a year the pain and shock of mom's death had eased somewhat, but the guilt increased. I learned that grief is a process that has many different facets. I am really amazed by the folks who seem to…"
Wednesday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Terrible,horrible, crippling breakdown tonight.  I know what triggered it and it is something I have struggled with all these years and the closer I get to trying to solve it the worse the breakdowns are becoming. Problem is I am still unable…"
Wednesday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, these anniversaries are so hard and confusing.  My husband’s birthday was this Saturday, and Mother’s Day, the first since my dear mother died, was on the next day, Sunday.  A hard weekend to get through.  I want to…"
Wednesday

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