I am a 43 year old wife and mom to 2 kids (16 & 13)
About my Loss:
Mine is a unique situation. My father committed suicide when I was 21 (convicted rapist), my mother and I have had a strained relationship since she sent me to live with my father at the age of 12. I met my "true" parents at the age of 18 when I met my future mother and father in-law. They were the most supporitive, loving parents I could have ever dreamed of. And they were the best grandparents any grandchild could ask for. Our life was not perfect, but very rich in love, support and friendship. In 2006, after a 6 month battle with colon cancer, my father in law passed at the "youthful" age of 67. In 2009, after a 12 month battle with Uterine cancer, my mother in law passed at the "youthful" age of 67. They were both in EXCELLENT health and so happy in their life with us and their 2 sons, 2 daughter in laws, and 3 grand kids. They were my kids full time day care providers while my husband and I were at work (by their choice - they would not have it any other way). They were our friends, we often dinnered together and planned every vacation together. My mother in law was also my best friend and closest ally...she was the "mom" I never had. My sadness and grief is so child like, it is overwhelming at times. My husband and brother in law are having just as hard of a time even after the years that have passed. They show it more in anger. I don't feel that there is anyone that really understands, friends don't even ask anymore about it. I am in the process of reading The Orphaned Adult, which has really helped me to feel sane. My husband and I agree that we feel like we have also lost precious years of our childrens young lives as we have tried to numb ourselves to get through the severe sense of loss we feel. I am a logical person, and I know that we all will die. Why is it so hard to just be thankful for the time we were so blessed. That is what my mind tells me, but my heart just can't seem to adjust.
You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!
I am so sorry for your loss. The journey of caregiving is extremely difficult. The loss of our especially loved dear ones is unspeakable.
There are so many different ideas about what happens to us when we die. Religion teaches many different…"
"I just feel like I am in a fog. I have a little dog that is at least ten years old. She adored my Mom & she has really grieved for her. I know how you feel about your dog. I worry about her. She is all I have. …"
"Me too Brett, I sit here an look at my 12 year old Labrador and I know he is on borrowed time, and my heart breaks, losing him will be something that I am not looking forward to.
As you said Brett, we have the live our lives until we are called…"
"Yes, I was looking at something that popped up on my Yahoo news feed. It was an article naming 106 celebrities who have passed away in 2019. So many names and faces that I remembered. Now they are gone, and they aren't coming back. Their time…"
"Brett so true she was my security blanket
I feel like I have no one to lean on that understood me like her
You know what keeps coming in my mind. How true it is and scary that everything has a beginning and an end."
"I hear it all the time you don’t know how lucky you were that your mother wasn’t sick and you didn’t have to take care of her I say to them lucky I was lucky that my mother died and I was not right by her side to tell her I love…"
"M, the problem is that our security blankets were ripped away.
Like you, sometimes I am glad to be sad. I feel like I am closer to my mom when I am crying. At least, her memory is fresher with me when I am in that zone.
I feel like the hard reality…"
"Theresa, millions, billions of people have lost their moms. Sometimes someone will tell me that they have lost their mom, too, but they were able to deal with it, and they wonder why I haven't dealt with it as well. This may sound like an…"
"Me too ...I was sitting marking a paper yesterday and suddenly realized that I can’t see or talk to my mother about this or anything else and the tears came. But I’m glad to think of her, in a way I can be glad to be sad sometimes.…"
"I sometimes will just be sitting down and I start to cry because I keep thinking I miss my mom so much my whole world is just not the same I think that I’ve become a different person it will be four years and I still cry
I can’t put into…"
"Definitely a colder world now. I like the image of the security blanket — like, as we go forward, we will always keep it but eventually may be able to wash it, fold it nicely, and put it in some place of honour close at hand but without…"
"It is such a traumatic event, especially when you have had a wonderful Mom. It is so hard knowing she is gone. Knowing this is permanent. There is no one that can fill the void she left. My brother was close to Mom, but he…"
Cherie is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
"While I never forget that my mom is gone, for some reason it just hits me over the head sometimes. Just out of the blue I'll be like, "Mom is gone." It's horrible. It's ever present. And the thing is that it is always with…"
"My Mom also. I could always talk to her about anything & knew she was someone I could totally trust. I am constantly thinking of something I want to share with her & then I remember she is gone. I loved spending time with…"