BLUEBELL
  • Female
  • Santa Ana, CA
  • United States
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Lost my Mom
5 Replies

I am new here. I lost my Mom on Valentines Day. There is a void in my life  that I need to figure out how to fill. I have been her caregiver for the past 3 years and she has been the center point of…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by Jennifer Mar 12, 2017.

 

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BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Seems like we all have our regrets and sadness that we live with every day. But I have noticed for myself that though I still have them, they have softened over time. Bluebell On a different subject I want to celebrate this morning of being able to…"
Oct 11, 2018
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Me too Brett"
Oct 10, 2018
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thanks Avi. I do not think it is going to be an easy battle, but I am willing to do what it takes to get though it. Wishing you the best Avi. I have been where you are and it is hard when your in that state of thinking to redirect it to you did what…"
Oct 10, 2018
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I am glad it helps you. I am going to try antidepressants and therapy. That is my choice. I believe enough in myself that with help, I can lead a better and happier life. But it will take some work on my part and I am willing to take the steps to…"
Oct 10, 2018
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I have come to the conclusion that I am clinically depressed. I am seeking the help of professionals. Please wish me a speedy recovery. Bluebell"
Oct 10, 2018
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"A responsible thought Virginia. Bluebell"
Oct 10, 2018
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I love that book Brett. I will check out the Cortisol manager. It can not hurt and might help. Bluebell"
Oct 10, 2018
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"This anxiety is hard to get through sometimes. I am having a surge of adrenaline right now with a pounding heart and an unnamed fear. I have a book called "Jesus Calling". This would be a good time to read it. I also am going to text my…"
Oct 9, 2018
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It is morning and I feel like crying. I miss the things I used to do with Mom when she woke up. Now all I have are the cats and my dog to care for and keep me company. It just seems like I should be moving on faster than I am and developing a life…"
Oct 8, 2018
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I am doing poorly emotionally and physically. I dread the holidays that are coming up. I dread the mornings and the nights. I do not know what to do anymore to find some peace and meaning in life. I am fearful a lot. I feel so helpless and useless.…"
Oct 6, 2018
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi all. I am doing okay. I miss my Mom everyday, but my thoughts of her are beginning to change. I find myself remembering every day moments with fondness vs sadness. For instance, when the phone rang, I always said to Mom "I will get it".…"
Sep 24, 2018
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Lia I am so sorry for your loss. Bluebell"
Sep 16, 2018
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Missing my Mom a lot too today. I am in tears. Bluebell"
Aug 24, 2018
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi Jayne. Welcome back. Bluebell"
Aug 21, 2018
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Actually, I am glad you did not see your Mom pass from this life to the next. I was there  for mine and it haunts me that I watched her struggled for breath. There are other things that happened before they took her away that I will never…"
Aug 19, 2018
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I can relate. There is no definite diagnosis whether my Mom passed away from her heart condition or respiratory failure. I will never know. But there was nothing I could have done to prevent it. That was out of my control. I pray that you feel your…"
Aug 19, 2018

Profile Information

About my Loss:
Loss of mother as an adult

Comment Wall (6 comments)

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At 12:54pm on August 25, 2017, Brett Bowman gave BLUEBELL a gift
Gift
You may be on the other side of the country but I know that a prayer can reach that far. God Bless you.
At 4:46pm on August 15, 2017, Joy said…

Bluebell, your post is identical to my feelings and I'm sure others. I try to stay extra busy, distracted so I don't think about my loss. But as you say, grief always catches up. It caught up with me at 2am this morning and I couldn't go back to sleep right away. It caught up with me again while I was sitting in my office at work, it caught up with me again while I'm in my car driving home. My heart is broken too and I don't think anything can fix that.

I hope you find the purpose you are seeking. I haven't found it yet.

At 5:32pm on July 25, 2017, Panda said…
Hi bluebell I'm so sorry about what happened. This will be the first Christmas without my mom too but you can get through this. I know it's hard but I know you can get through it. Stay strong. She's watching over you and she's in a better place now out of pain. Hugs <3
At 7:06pm on July 24, 2017, Heather said…
Bluebell could you check my comment wall? The young girl that posted today, panda sounds really distraught and am concerned about her. She commented that she didn't want to be here anymore and said that no one wants her. Not sure what to do since she lives somewhere in Cranston, USA and I live in Canada. Can I contact the administrator of this site? Can't get her words out of my head and am worried about her:(. If you have time can you let me know your thoughts? Thank you
Heather
At 10:10am on May 2, 2017, Tasha said…
Thank you for such kind words. God bless
At 6:12pm on February 28, 2017, Heather said…
So sorry for your loss of your Mom...please know that you are wished much strength always. Take good care of yourself...
 
 
 

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Profile IconKayla and Jazi joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
24 minutes ago
Billy Jo Colt commented on Kelli Auerbach's blog post New York Times essay I wrote about orphanhood
"Thank you Kelly for a genuine and bright yet deep insight into how berievement has affected you. Children are resourcefull and it isn't till in later life that the death of a loved one creates a new reality. I've written a song about the…"
Friday
Kelli Auerbach posted a blog post

New York Times essay I wrote about orphanhood

Hi everyone, I am new to the group, but not to loss. Thanks for adding me.I wanted to share an essay I wrote, "Welcome to the Freak Show: Becoming an Orphan in My 20s", that is in the New York Times today. Even though all of our experiences with grief are unique, I hope it resonates in some way.Best, KelliSee More
Friday
Profile IconKelli Auerbach, Fedor Malkin and Jan McCracken joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Friday
Coartney Hale updated their profile
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Coartney Hale posted photos
Thursday
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Everyone sounds a little down today.   And that's OK.   I do the same thing.   I am learning how to move on with life.  I know that there will never be another Joe.  He was my life, my love.  I miss…"
Thursday
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Over the last couple of days, I've had some real negative thoughts, scary to say the least.  I know I'll never see her here with me again, which I know but can't accept, but today I questioned is she here with me in spirit? …"
Thursday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Marita, not that I am glad to  hear you suffer from anxiety and fear but thank you for at least sharing that you too are overwhelmed with living.  At times I want to scream that the way I feel is not some cry for sympathy but more I am…"
Thursday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Bluebird, You were the original poster who made it real for me that telling the truth about our pain was ok.  That it was how this grief was going to be no mater how I might be told otherwise.  And to know that your truth is that pretty…"
Wednesday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda, yes, I too have the recurring thoughts my brain sends me that my husband is dead.  It's not possible for me to accept it either.  I know it as fact just as I know the sun shines, but when it appears in my brain I simply cannot…"
Wednesday
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"As much as we all suffer, some may have an additional burden of having to go out into the real world and deal with people in business to survive.  The impact of that makes it all that much more unbearable.  While I'm not in that…"
Wednesday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Nobody really understands except for the members on this website. It was a life saver for me. Thanks to all of you who share your posts and the support we give each other."
Wednesday
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, yes.  Linda, yes.  Marita, yes.  Bulebird, Yes.  I'm becoming paralyzed to the point of petrification.  NOTHING MATTERS except what we all know what it is.  We can't go back and we can't accept…"
Wednesday
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Same here, Marita. Things I would have been able to deal with before (either before I met my husband, or while he was here with me), I cannot handle at all now. Any tiny problem is insurmountable. Everything is. Morgan, I am truly sorry you are…"
Wednesday
Marita commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, i live with constant fear and anxiety. Every time I am confronted with a new problem I break down because my husband is not here to support me, to comfort me, to love me and it is a reminder of my loss.  When things become so…"
Wednesday
Rosaisela is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Wednesday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, My whole problem with myself is I just can't accept my Husband's death and there is a not a thing I can do about it. I want things back the way things were. So to avoid all my breakdowns I try to numb myself with beer. I don't…"
Wednesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, I felt something very similar. After a year the pain and shock of mom's death had eased somewhat, but the guilt increased. I learned that grief is a process that has many different facets. I am really amazed by the folks who seem to…"
Wednesday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Terrible,horrible, crippling breakdown tonight.  I know what triggered it and it is something I have struggled with all these years and the closer I get to trying to solve it the worse the breakdowns are becoming. Problem is I am still unable…"
Wednesday

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