I'm in my mid 50's and have worked at a university library for about 30 years. Love dogs (Border Collies in particular), cats, wildlife and nature in general. I tend to describe myself as spiritual rather than religious and believe in working to make the world a better place for my being here.
About my Loss:
I lost my mother unexpectedly 4 months ago which may sound odd given she was 88 yrs old. She had her second diverticular bleedout and died from a stroke following emergency surgery--all occurring in less than 48 hours. Four months later, I find myself at times flashing back to scenes of that horrendous weekend, while feeling at peace with her passing. Mom was very frustrated with her physical limitations after her 1st stroke 4 years ago. It's been a difficult transition from spending much of my nonworking time in supporting her care to trying to catch up on my own household chores and forging new bonds with my immediate family. As my dad said, Mom was the linchpin which held our scattered family together.
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It has been a while and wondering how you are. I have my good days and bad days,and sometimes I feel like mom is standing right next to me,I am not scared but if she is really there I wish she would touch my arm any any gesture that would let me know she is so close to by.
With St.Patrick's Day on Saturday I want to buy some green carnations,as my dad was Irish and that is what he always made sure I had.My dad passed in 1974 and I don't care what people say it does not get any easier, I am just so grateful that I have wonderful memories,my dad was only 49 and I always feel so lost without him,and now with mom passing I feel extra lost. Mom was mom and dad to me and even though her heart was broken she always tried her best and did the things he would do like buying green carnations for St.Pat's .I have mixed feelings about buying them for myself but I know my parents would be so disappointed to see me so sad,how is it possible I am making such a big deal about buying myself flowers.
I hope to hear from you soon,and hope your critters are doing great,my girls make me so happy
How now to hear from you,and we sure do have a lot in common. I was having a an awful time dealing with mom's passing,I live with my cousin who is terrific with paper work,dealing with the lawyer,her will etc. but when it came to the daily visits to mom I was on my own,(he is my mothers sisters son) and we grew up together and he is just not the type to visit the hospital,actually it was better because he would become so depressed that he would be of no value to me.
I am a medical tech and dealing with patients all day and then coming home to mom was really getting to me,I will be honest there were times that I would just lose my temper with her and now I realize that she really did not know what she was saying,Like your mom the right side of he body was affected she could not walk,and as time went by she was having signs of dementia and even though the doctor and nursing staff said just to agree with whatever she said because reasoning with her would be like telling a 2 yr old about geometry,but I though if I tried to reason with her she would be mom again.
The last few months I went through a CRAZY PERIOD. I always found myself like I said standing over her grave and I could see her just lying there,but now I have the feeling that someone is watching me,and I know that it is her,so I just have a conversation with her but now I question if that is a normal part of grieving,or she really is by my side.so I thought let me just go along with the feeling and actually it feels good knowing she is by my side.
I lost my job 2 yrs before mom passed and it was actually a good thing as it gave me more time to be with mom. I cannot find work as every interview ends the same,WE WOULD LIKE TO HAVE YOU JOIN US BUT YOU ARE OVER QUALIFIED,a nice way of saying they cant pay me what I was paid and I am sure it is a little age discrimination, so I decided to write a book about Maddie's adoption as if she was telling the story.it will be called Wagging Tails,I actually found people on line that publisher for the non writer and one got in touch with me with some interest,and now I have 6 weeks to get at least the first 5 chapters to them,and how I want it portrayed,my thought it would be fun for adopted children to read and also the importance of adopting from a shelter,sounds like a fun thing to do and it will get my mind in a better place,because I know mom would be furious if she sees me like this and maybe she can see me and that is why I have the feeling she is by my side.
Any way I am glad we are friends I felt so alone and I really did not want to tell them how I was feeling,and if I did all they would say is it will get better . I hope we can talk soon,and like you say God Bless the Critters.
Glad that we are friends, I am 56 yrs old and an animal lover,I believe that my my bull terrier Maddie and my 2 cats make the days and esp nights a lot easier.
My mom passed Nov 16,2010,she was 83 and like you say it was a unexpected considering the age of 83 but mom was so full of life. She had a massive stroke dec 3 2007 and was in and out of the hospital then went to an assisted living facility where she was doing great,and she came home. I am an only child but one of the CNA;S helped during the day while I worked and all seemed well,even though mom was bed bound and a very private person,I was amazed that she did not fuss about the situation esp someone changing her diaper or washing her.
Mom the last year just gave up she refused to get out of bed,would say things that to me were frightening and at times frustrating,she began to see my dad ,which we both miss him so much,we lost him 1974 at the age of 49 to a massive heart attack. Mom had an ulcer on her back because of her refusal to get out of bed,even though I made her room into a hospital room,she also lost 63 lbs from Feb 2010 to Oct 1 when she had to go to the hospital for iv antibiotics. She went back to the nursing home and I was there everyday.and then I realized that she did not know me,and repeatedly said she wanted to die. Nov 10 the nursing home called and I was happy because i thought that was the day she was going to the hospital for her feed tube and then after a few weeks she was coming home,but the morning nurse found her unresponsive and she remained brain dead dead for till she passed. I had to make the choice to take her off life support even though 4 doctors proved to me she was only alive because of the machine,here is the lady that gave me life and with a pen I ended hers.
I know that it would have been selfish to leave her on life support when she always said she wanted to die in peace,but still hard for me to let go. In the beginning I would wake from a sound sleep and see myself standing over her grave and not see dirt but to mom,i thought I was going crazy and that is why I had to find someone to talk to and I am so happy i decided to join,I don' t feel like I am alone, friends call and ask how I am doing but I sometimes just fine,but with the group I feel I can say truly how I feel and before I know it someone responds and they feel the same. I have good and bad days,but I just miss her so much.
Just only seen your comment on my profile now, sorry, I've had quite a rough few days. Do you ever find the grieving comes and goes in massive tidal waves? Well, I'm really sorry to hear that you've also lost your mother, please find comfort that you had her love and guidance for so many years as unfortunately I can't say the same :(
I'm just a message away if you'd ever like to talk,
Hi Kris, so glad you are my friend, now! I am also in my mid 50's and lost my mom about 2 months ago after a long year struggle with her cancer and stroke (from the cancer, etc).She lived with me for about 8 years before that as my best friend. I too am spiritual more than religious and feel like we have lots in common. Keep in touch!
My name is Sue. I lost my mother June 26, 2011 from organ failure secondary to chemo and radiation for throat cancer. I feel exactly and mean exactly as you do. I felt relieved that her suffering had ended. But now the tremendous hole ....so hard. She and I were VERY close. She was the glue that held our family together. Now my 3 sisters as just as far away in mind, body and soul as they could possibly be. Instead of pulling together - they ran away. They are being so uncaring and selfish since the day mom died. I have had to move beyond that pain in order to deal with mother's death. She was my world. How do we make it though the holidays? I am so sorry for your mother having to leave this world to early...but there is a world after this one. I call it The Garden of Souls" some people call it heaven. Your friend - Sue
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