silvia maria
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Everything small going wrong trigger a setback

Lately I have been way more seletive about interactions. Because they trigger easily to a place lost in space and time. Its like Rolling down this big Mountain over and over just to feel Al right,…Continue

Started Apr 17, 2017

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silvia maria posted a blog post

Health in context of grief

Safe to assume the deffenses go down with the spirits. But in all fairness I´ve been sick for a while since I had the back surgeries, and it´s sometimes hard to separe effects from feeling ups and downs to the food and habits healthy and unhealthy. Added to that the idea that I will be ok and doctors don´t seem to  do much more for me these days. Neverhteless, some times I go to fix one thing and the medication side effects harm in some ways or the pain meds have caused me to faint and break 3…See More
Sep 17, 2017
silvia maria commented on silvia maria's blog post Does religion help?
"I hear you. I am much less inclined to organized religion per say tcompared to the solid belief in God. Though I think some religion may be a good tool to approximate to God, some do quite the opposite in their actions and attitudes. But one thing…"
Sep 15, 2017
Dennis C. commented on silvia maria's blog post Does religion help?
"I was just wondering. Is it possible to to separate religion from God? It's my opinion that Most Religion does NOT teach the Bible. They teach their own viewpoint or dogma. I think that when we search for the truth in the Bible we learn that…"
Sep 15, 2017

Profile Information

About Me:
I am a professional who lived abroad and used to a fast pace environment. Currently making some carrer changes to suit my own special needs. Rebuilding my life around this and undertaking suitable treatments. Up until very recently I had been coming closer to my mother and became her primary caregiver. Which was suddenly interrupted by an hemorrhagic avc.
About my Loss:
I am in the process of grieving my mother´s loss. Although she is still alive family members have made a lot of changes making it a lot more inhospitable to visit. She is in a clinic now which I had to report to police for negligence and since other family members chose to keep her there I don´t feel remotely near comfortable to visit. I have done all in my power to change clinics. But as is i have to cope with earlier loss of her without the actual loss of her life yet. I was the primary caregiver. And I am grieving for loosing a lot more than her actual life.

Silvia maria's Blog

Health in context of grief

Safe to assume the deffenses go down with the spirits. But in all fairness I´ve been sick for a while since I had the back surgeries, and it´s sometimes hard to separe effects from feeling ups and downs to the food and habits healthy and unhealthy. Added to that the idea that I will be ok and doctors don´t seem to  do much more for me these days. Neverhteless, some times I go to fix one thing and the medication side effects harm in some ways or the pain meds have caused me to faint and break…

Continue

Posted on September 17, 2017 at 8:00am

How to avoid old patterns of being frozen in time in the NON ACTION

As i am moving on to making my way back to work these days, seems I have to avoid the MENTAL state whereas the mind goes into some FROZEN state whereas I am unabe to move on in a healthy manner. See once we decided to leave that state of mind whereas the self pitty pot is full and the gun of frustration pointed at self, justified hurting or not that keeps me back to a state of NON ACTION or POOR REACTION, where self blame mixes with the stan still place....well, times changed. I realize I…

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Posted on September 9, 2017 at 3:30am

Does religion help?

I consider myself spiritual and not much in favour of organized religion. But lately I thought that could perhaps help to bring some peace or have some positive impact, So for the last  weeks I have been going once a week to this evangelic church witch I quite enjoy the visits. In the beggining was some help to put more peace in my heart and feel better. And that had a positive impact however I needed that new boost the next week or things would feel heavier somehow. Some weekes later I…

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Posted on September 8, 2017 at 5:30pm — 2 Comments

How do we treat ourselves....?

Here is a reality check I was faced with very recently. I had to take vitamins after my doctors persistent advice and I got a few extra pounds. Nothing much but enough to bring bullying from a very unlikely source. A friend that recently separated, a guy who insisted to say every single time he saw me that I was FAT. Even though most my friends would say the complete opposite. That I look healthier. In fact was so many times I heard from the same friend (also my neighbour) that I came to the…

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Posted on July 16, 2017 at 8:30am

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Latest Activity

morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"This website is like a secret world we inhabit where the platitudes and scorn for not fitting in are understood as hogwash.  We know better than anyone on the outside of our grief how this has affected us.  I am so tired of being labeled…"
1 hour ago
Nancy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Lovely pictures everyone.   Thank you for sharing.   I am in the same boat.  I just exist.   "
3 hours ago
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I,m grateful that I found this site.  It's sort of like besides my family, you all are the only friends I have left.  I do have a couple that are long distance, but don't get to see them very often.  All my so called local…"
3 hours ago
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Here's one of our permanent bed with names blocked out."
4 hours ago
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda, We went on that same excursion off a cruise in 2003.  Here is a pic that was taken on the ship when we renewed our vows at a ceremony performed by the Captain."
4 hours ago
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan & Joe, Thanks for sharing your thoughts. You put into words the horror I go through everyday. Going on year 7 without my Husband Julian. He was my whole life and I want to be with him but I can't. If I didn't believe in God I…"
9 hours ago
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Joe, 49 years is a long time.  Long enough to embed yourself in each other and there is nothing that will soothe the tearing apart of that union.  I knew my husband for 55 (since 2nd grade) and we were together for 35.  Long…"
18 hours ago
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, Monday will be a very tough day for both of us. It's one year for me which seems like one long day, and six for you, which scares the hell out of me thinking about how long do I have to be here before I go to her. It seems like one long…"
yesterday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Lets be honest. Death sucks. As I read the posts on here and I see how we struggle when we lose someone to death it boggles the mind how any of us keep moving. I keep saying to myself there is something I can do to make myself feel better and it…"
yesterday
Emma is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
yesterday
Kelly Lieberman posted a status
"Can't sleep. Typical, my daughter goes back to college in the morning and I am having a hard time with that."
yesterday
Kelly Lieberman posted photos
yesterday
mindy replied to mindy's discussion Feeling pretty well depressed
"I guess I'm doing ok I was in the middle of a family fued Christmas day night so I been keeping to myself I check out that site but don't have the money to pay for it I'm disabled"
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I agree with all of that. I didn't expect a reward. My mom was reward enough, but I am not the same person that I once was. And I thought that some kind of balance would occur. I can't explain that really. It's been defeating. As soon…"
Friday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"After my husband’s death, and now after losing my mother, I also found myself somehow imagining that, not so much that something good would happen, more that some kind of reward would come to me, something to balance off the pain and…"
Friday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Well, Brett, one day we all shall see, I have many many questions, but no one to answer them. My heart still aches everyday, I still cry, but no one understands why, they have no clue...."
Friday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"There's something that has been on my mind lately and this is the best place to mention it. As much as I feared and dreaded my mom's death, I sort of felt like something good would happen, maybe not right away, but eventually. Like Karma…"
Friday
Margaret Whitehouse commented on mary snell's group hi
"I know how you feel. I lost my mom Jan 6, 2019 and it is so raw and all I do is cry. I was in the room when she passed and had been all day. My regret is I wasn't holding her hand when she took her last breath. She had dementia and I saw her 3…"
Thursday
Margaret Whitehouse joined mary snell's group
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hi

hi I recantly lost my mom two weeks ago I'm still missing her and I wish that i could of said good bye to her before said passed away See More
Thursday
Brenda Ann replied to mindy's discussion Feeling pretty well depressed
"Mindy, I am not a doctor but I am a student of the Bible. It seems that you are suffering from anxiety over your past. Humans including ourselves seem to filter the good things we have done and focus on the "bad". But God is the opposite.…"
Wednesday

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