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Comment by Jim Eginoire on December 4, 2010 at 8:52pm

I know exactly how you feel. I just browsed through some photos on the computer and they were all from christmases the past 3 years. It is too heart breaking to stay and too hearat breaking to leave. I want to just stay in bed and sleep. My daughter and I are going to Texas to spend Christmas with my wife's sister, which will be very hard, but I have to get through this heart break even though that may never happen.

Comment by Theresa on December 4, 2010 at 8:22pm

I have grandchildren too, they live out of state, I do not see them everyday, I would love to live closer to them to keep me busy but unfortunate I do not want to live in cold weather. We alway talk about move down south, he doesn't but I do. My 25 year old daughter have a family life, my son 23 year old he in Iraq, have a wife waiting for him to come home "2011" my 18 year old daughter have her own live, of course I truly love them all. There nothing they can not do for me, that my point I have to find something for my own life and I know my children want me to be happy.
I just want to get out of here, the holiday is coming I'm not looking forward to stay at my parent's home. I may go in the car drive away from here for awhile, I will find somewhere to stay that no one will find me.

Comment by Jim Eginoire on December 4, 2010 at 8:02pm

Theresa,
I don't want to give advise, but moving out of state or making any extreme changes may be appealing right now, I know, because I feel the same way, but it may be something you (we) would come to regret in the future. I grew up in So. California but have live in iowa for 42 years. I have always wanted to move to a wrmer climate, maybe even back to California, and I expressed that the first week and my 21 year old daughter was very clear with her feelings about that, plus I have grandchildren here. I cannot imagine how bad it can be for you other than growing up with a friend whose parents were deaf. It wasn't until his mother died that I realized it is a different culture and most people don't understand that. I'll pray for support for you because I know it is there and God will provide it. And I'll keep you in my prayers because I do know what you feel, it is the worst broken hearted feeling in the world. I said I don't care about anything but my daughter, but you just showed me that is not true, I care about you! This may sound odd, but thank you for that revelation. I really do care.

Comment by Theresa on December 4, 2010 at 7:45pm

Jim sorry for your loss, i lost my husband on Sept 13th he is only 44 yrs old. I do have family support but isn't same what I'm looking for because my children "adult" hearing and I am not, I am deaf. Is very difficult for me to find a place where I can communication with people who understand my deaf culture. The grief support group in my area do have communication access, which using a interpreter but isn't same understanding from what I'm coming from. I have been raise hearing world I have no problem with that but my prefer is using someone who can use sign language with me make me feel more comfortable to be more supportive. I can not express to my kids and family because I feel is too personal. I want to move on, I just can't get out of the closet yet. I really want to get out of state to find my new life but I don't know where to start.

Comment by Jim Eginoire on December 4, 2010 at 5:01pm

Theresa,
I lost my wife on Sept 26th and I felt that way for the first couple of weeks, and now much like you I don't know what to do and what's worse is I don't care about anything except my daughter. After losing her I have had a "what's the point" attitude about everyday things like paying my bills, bathing eating and so on. But I keep pushing forward, attend a grief support group and have spent a lot of time reading. You never get over it, I think you just get used to the empty feeling.

Comment by Theresa on December 2, 2010 at 6:09pm

I never felt this so lonely since my husband died from motorcycle accident, I don't know why God choice him, he worked so hard to improved his life. He is a great man, everyone love him because he give a lots of heart to them. Now I do not know what to do with myself. I feel trap inside of me, I don't know where to go with my life. I'm confuse where I should gonwith my life but I'm scared.

Comment by Bonnie Beucler on November 20, 2010 at 4:56pm

Cynthia, as a lark, I joined match.com last summer thinking that perhaps meeting a few people with whom I did not work might help me feel good about myself. Well imagine my shock when the forst guy I chose to write to asked me to call him that first night. I refused to and wrote to him over the next 3 days. He then said, "never mind meeting me for coffee, there's too much out there about me < he's an art professor with a following> and it makes me uncomfortable!" So, I was rejected by a person I had not even met!
After all the times my phone rang throughout our life, it is very disquieting to have the phone never ring. My sister sent me a care and said she hopes I "reqch out to someone for Thanksgiving and maybe go to a local church for a hot meal" I am not without means. And not without a car. I choose to be alone for now and no one really gets that. A call now and then would be nice, but I think my siblings feel, "well she's all better now, she should move and carry on." Ah, no. John may not have been on my family's hit parade but we worked well together and his charm and sunny personality carried me through the toughest of times.

Comment by Bonnie Beucler on November 20, 2010 at 4:48pm

Penny, I sent you a friend request because I wanted to talk to you privately. My loss was 11 months ago, tomorrow is his birthday and friends and family have abandoned me as well. His kids stole things from the house while I was recuperating from the accident that took his life and though I try, things will never, ever be the same. We were also each other's world for 27 years.
Now I can't say that anyone physically avoids me however when I returned to work I was careful to not say anything, because my feeling was that people didn't know how to be empathetic and I didn't want them to avoid me. I have since left my job and so it's just me.
I want to just start over but where? I obviously take myself with me and all my thoughts and demons come along for the ride.
Sleeping has been very difficult for the past month.

Comment by penny on November 20, 2010 at 2:25pm

thank you to the people who have responded to my post on here but i am all alone with just reading cythnia's post they is exaclty as to how i am treated by people i know we all are here to try and comfort each other but we are all facing our own pain and miserary--but again i have no family or friends anymore for fred was my world and the family and friends we shared together have abandon me and if they do by chance happen to see me at my place of employment they will purposely go out of their way to avoid me

Comment by Jim Eginoire on November 20, 2010 at 11:59am

Maria,

I hope you were not referring to the people on here about not getting any comfort. If that is true, people like me are failing to give what we have received.
It was my wife Nanette who I lost on September 26th, 2010 from a tragic "perfect storm" of medication and chocolate that caused death within minutes. I also have sister-in-laws whom and pray for and mother-in-law as well.
I have lost both parents, my dad just two years ago, but they were in the 60's and 70s when they died. It's still a loss, but I don't know how my daughter feels losing her mom when she is only 21. I don't know how my in-laws feel because I have not lost a sibling or child. I do know how bad I feel and I can't presume to think it is any easier for the rest of our family.

For me, I lost the love of my life, my best friend and confidant, my biggest supporter, my everything. I keep reading postings and people in a support group I attend talking about how the reality doesn't really hit until after 7 or 8 months. Now, as bad as I currently feel, it is hard to imagine it getting worse, but as the shock has been wearing off it has. And there is not a thing anybody can do or say that will make me feel better. I have my faith and try to stay focused on the promises of God to make it through each day. With God, prayer and the people on this web site just dropping a short note asking how my day is going, I have been able to function and keep moving forward. What I am saying is, if I could provide words of comfort, I would, but knowing that others really card and hurt with me even though I have never met them has enabled me to make it moment by moment eacy day.
So what I can offer you is my deepest sympathy and prayer for the peace of the Lord to surround you and your sister-in-law at all times. Accept that and believe and you will have peace, not much, but enough to do what you have to do right now.

Jim

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