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Lost My Spouse...

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My wife passed 5 days before christmas 2 Replies

Hi AllMy name is Monty and i have become single parent of two special needs boys when i lost my wife and life partner of 25 years, 5 days before Christmas.My wife had Myotonic Dystrophy and other the…Continue

Started by monty thompson. Last reply by morgan yesterday.

Books 2 Replies

Hello, everyone.I'm reading a book now that is popular, and I wonder what other grievers thought about it. It's called "Wave" and is about the true story of a woman who lost her husband, children,…Continue

Tags: Books

Started by Trevy Thomas. Last reply by Trevy Thomas May 11.

Healing 17 Replies

Hello,I've been reading the messages here and it's brought back memories of an earlier time in my grief. I feel for each of you. This loss is the most difficult of human struggles -- at least it has…Continue

Tags: joy, on, moving, healing

Started by Trevy Thomas. Last reply by bluebird Apr 29.

loost my spouce 3 Replies

Lost my spouce a couple of weeks ago and now what do I do with the rest of my life after 55 years with the same person?Continue

Started by kathy. Last reply by Linda Engberg Apr 18.

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Comment by Alice Thompson on Sunday

That’s lovely, Linda.

Comment by Trina Mamoon on Sunday

Beautiful, Linda! 

Comment by Nancy on Sunday

Love it. 

Comment by Linda Engberg on Sunday

Oops, forgot the picture 

Comment by Linda Engberg on Sunday

To all on this site.

This is hanging above my stove. Everyone of us had a royal wedding.

Comment by JenShep on Sunday

Alice, I totally understand what you’re expressing and I feel the same way although my certainty waxes and wanes. Sometimes I feel so good because I know he’s right here with me and sometimes I can’t feel it and sink back down into hell again. I’ve had a few amazing experiences where I’ve actually felt Tom climb in bed and wrap himself around me. I’ve heard him trying to talk to me - HIS voice. And then months will go by with nothing except my own “feeling” that he’s here. Or worse, my feeling that he’s not. I try the same thing - to push my thoughts to how things are now instead of the physical him that I am missing but it’s still so hard. I keep trying to learn to communicate with him. I meditate. I’ve tried Reiki. I’m just going to keep trying. Probably I’ll keep getting frustrated and sad but I feel like all I can do is keep trying. I guess I’ll just keep having the ups and downs. I just hope to get better at feeling him here. I wish I had been born with the ability like some seem to have been. I feel like my mission now while I’m still here is to learn to do this. 

Comment by Alice Thompson on Sunday

I watched it too, and I cried, but they were good tears. I have been lucky enough in this life to be loved completely and that love continues. I love him more and more and I know it is the same for him. The physical phase is in the past and it will not return for the rest of my life. I was reaching out via google search about a fortnight ago to find some solutions — again — and typed in “what do you do when your life has been ruined”. I came across something only partially relevant, but it has prompted me to do some conscious work on my thinking. I’ve separated some thoughts out in my head, and have been making an effort to disregard some unhelpful ones. Such as excessively hanging on to memories of his physical self. I couldn’t do that if I wasn’t certain he is with me in a new way, but I am, and that new way is the “living” way, the one that goes on beside me from day to day. It is a subtle change and has come from me alone; if someone had suggested this in any way (and of course they have many times) I would have furiously rejected it. It is only me who understands what is right for me. 

Comment by Trina Mamoon on Saturday

The royal wedding evoked similar feelings for me as John T. Joseph and I loved watching PBS shows, especially Masterpiece and Mystery, and we watched together the coverage of Princess Diana's tragic death and Prince William And Kate's wedding. So when Prince Harry shed tears, presumably, for his late mother I couldn't stop crying myself. It brought back anew so many memories with Joseph, our idyllic time together for 19 blessed years. I have reconciled myself to living out my life to its natural end. I pray every single day for my early death, but I can not take my own life: apart from being a woman of faith, I also can't subject my family to the kind of grief it would cause if I were to end my own life. Alas, I will have to go on living without my darling Joseph at my side. Please God, let it be soon.

The wedding was very moving. And like morgan, I, too, wish the royal couple much happiness and a long life together. May they know the kind of love that we, on this site, have known with our spouses.

Comment by John T. on Saturday

It was when they sang "Stand By Me" that I turned it off.  I never heard that song presented in that way and suddenly the words had profound meaning.  Then I started thinking how much my wife would have loved watching the wedding and how we would have talked about everything that happened.  We were true anglophiles and I can't even watch the British programs on PBS anymore.  There is no one to share them with and they only make me even more aware of her not being here with me.  I've read this will pass.  I'm not holding my breath.

Comment by Nancy on Saturday

I feel the very same Morgan.  I had a love affair for 43 years.  We have 3 children who are still devastated but would be completely paralyzed if I did something like you are talking about.  I will bear this pain and remain alone for the sake of my kids and grandkids.  They hurt enough.  Please think things through.  I know exactly how much you hurt.

 

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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I was thinking about this today. If I could have my mom back for just one month I would dote on her till the cows came home. The truth is my mom wouldn't have liked that. She didn't like to be doted on. At the end she was very appreciative…"
1 hour ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thank you for your post Brett. It not only will help Virginia, it is helping me too. Bluebell"
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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia, our stories are very similar. I was my mom's caretaker as well. I was diagnosed with PTSD after she died. When we have PTSD we can turn just about everything into a worst case scenario. It is so easy to look back and question…"
13 hours ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi Virginia and welcome. May I ask when your dear Mom passed away? Bluebell"
15 hours ago
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"And speaking of therapists, I have ptsd, and sometimes I feel like I don’t fully realize what happened.  I sort of get numb at times and feel guilty about it.  I asked my therapist if it means I don’t care about my Mom.…"
21 hours ago
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi, just joined the group.  Wanted to comment on Brett’s point about people getting tired of hearing about grief or not understanding it.  I feel like I want to talk about my Mom constantly, whether it’s good times or bad.…"
21 hours ago
Virginia G joined Karen's group
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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....
21 hours ago
Andrew posted a blog post

Lost a great friend.

I recently received news that my best friend passed away from heroin laced with fentanyl at age 31 on jan 10th. I was in shock and felt like i was in a bad dream. I hadn't heard from him in almost 6 months and figured he was out slamming dope because in the past he would tend to avoid me and my mother (who was like a 2nd mom to him) because he didn't want us seeing him strung out and didn't want to ruin our relationship of trust. May 15th, i arrive home from a job interview and check facebook…See More
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morgan replied to monty thompson's discussion My wife passed 5 days before christmas in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Monty, I want to let you know that everything you are feeling is normal even though it seems so difficult compared to what we thought we had and what we knew.  The death of our spouse is the most difficult thing we will ever face, bar none.…"
yesterday
Jen H replied to monty thompson's discussion My wife passed 5 days before christmas in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Monty, I lost my husband New Year’s Eve and have a 4 year old. It is extraordinarily hard to put on the happy face, be everything she needs, keep productive at my job, keep the house going and all the other needs of life covered. Bless you…"
yesterday
monty thompson added a discussion to the group Lost My Spouse...
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My wife passed 5 days before christmas

Hi AllMy name is Monty and i have become single parent of two special needs boys when i lost my wife and life partner of 25 years, 5 days before Christmas.My wife had Myotonic Dystrophy and other the last 2 years she had really declined both in her ability to look after herself, our boys, happiness and quality of life.i tried all i could to try and encourage her to be the best she could given her condition.   Unfortunately this was not enough to stave off a simple cold turning bad overnight and…See More
yesterday
Missy updated their profile
yesterday
CYBERSIS commented on Ginger's blog post No Title
"Really sorry for your loss. How awful to lose a child. I guess some people are really uncomfortable with grief and just don't know what to say.  I know exactly the loss you feel. I lost my mother in October. I saw her and talked to her…"
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Alice Thompson commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"That’s lovely, Linda."
Sunday
Trina Mamoon commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Beautiful, Linda! "
Sunday
oneindigheid updated their profile
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Nancy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Love it. "
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Oops, forgot the picture "
Sunday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"To all on this site. This is hanging above my stove. Everyone of us had a royal wedding."
Sunday

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