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Comment by Linda Engberg 8 hours ago

Comment by Trina Mamoon 15 hours ago

morgan,

Your message is so moving! Every word you say rings so true! I could have written the message. You express my innermost thoughts and wishes. It's been a little over five years for me since Joseph has been gone, but I feel his lack as deeply as I did when I first lost him.

I, too, keep myself busy. but it doesn't do much to alleviate the pain, the void that I feel because I have lost the love of my life. I just wait for my natural end. I am afraid that it could be a while since I just turned 59, and my mother and aunts all lived into their eighties. This thought is so frightening and depressing! But I will wait for my natural end. It will come someday, but not soon enough. What a way to live one's life, waiting for the end. But without Joseph with me, my life is meaningless.

My empathy to you morgan, and to Linda, Joe, and Monty, and all others here who are in the same boat as we are. Let us be granted peace.

Comment by Joe Kelly 17 hours ago

I still can't see pics here so don't know if it posted.

Comment by Joe Kelly 17 hours ago

Jonathan, I meant to respond to your post when I read it but forgot. We're all in the same boat because we were all ONE with our Loves. You'll notice by our sharing here that it just doesn't get better for us. Keep sharing here.  It helps that we know that we're not alone.

Comment by Joe Kelly yesterday

I'm still a mess too Morgan and it just keeps getting worse.  Nothing but going to her will ever help me not be in agony every second of every day.  That being said, it has to happen naturally which really sucks because we don't know when.  It will happen someday though and to spend eternity with her, I'll suffer for as long as it takes.  It's only 4 days away from when she vomited and 6 days away from when she was in the hospital and 64 days till she passed, two years ago.  December 3rd would had been our 50th wedding anniversary and was planning such a great vacation to celebrate it a year before she got sick.  I'm dreading that day, as I am dreading the holidays coming up.  I spend 2 to 3 hour every day at the cemetery.  It'll be all day on Dec. 3rd.  I have such hopes that I die on that day.  What a gift to her that would make.  But I don't think I'm that lucky so not counting on it.  I'm in my 70th year now, not in good health, so it can't be that far off.  Just have to suffer and wait till this damned body of mine gives up.  That's my only "till then".  Joe

Comment by Linda Engberg yesterday

Hi Morgan,

Once again your have posted my exact feelings on losing my beloved Julian. 7 years also.

Life does not go on for me, I am just existing until death takes me and the sooner the better.

Comment by morgan yesterday

I'm still a mess.  Almost seven years later and I still cannot absorb loss in any form.  Doesn'tmatter if its mine or someone else's.  And nothing helps.  I have a best friend who tries valiantly to comfort me.  I have  a sister who tries to understand and helps me.  But honestly, nothing helps.  I am still constantly reaching out trying to figure out what is going to provide the relief I seek.  Yes, I want to die but cannot figure out a way to make that happen either.  Such conflict.  Such pain.  Not all day but no matter what it will attack me and it is so painful.  How can he be gone for so long?  How is it I am supposed to live without him?  How can I?  He was too much a part of me.........I get up now everyday and try to move air around but why?  Just why?

Comment by morgan on November 7, 2019 at 8:27pm

Hi to everyone,  

I am sort of a broken record when it comes to how I have managed to cope with my husbands death.  I can honestly say that for the first four years looking back I was pretty much in a stupor.  The shock after sharing 35 years and no children and though he battled diabetes I never imagined I could be so devastated losing him.  I am still in shock but more so because I have no interest in making my life any different and yet I applaud anybody that finds reason, purpose and/or motivation to set goals and dream for a future.  

I just don't need it.  At 67, without my other half and with the kind of love we had I am weary of just peddling along paying bills, distracting myself with daily tasks which I can now do better than I could for the first four years but the base feeling of loss has not subsided and functioning for any period of time without a breakdown has also not changed.  

I just miss him.  I have no one who has my back or mine his.  I thrived on the intensity of our love which included ups and downs.  And I still had much more I wanted to experience and now I am unwilling (yes unwilling) to try and substitute for something else.  It just takes too much energy to recreate some sort of half life.  

Am I busy?  Absolutely.  I won't go into details but I have plenty to do. That isn't the problem.  It is the missing of his essence.  HE was my crucible and no one or nothing will bring me to that apex of living and loving life.  And does it need to be so important?  So intense? For me, the answer is yes.  I am unsatisfied with less than a purpose.  And no matter what I have done to make things better I know I am a fraud.  There is no purpose to what I do even if others recognize it as contributing.  I recognize it as a mask.  It is done to make others feel better.

Which is why I applaud someone who has moved to adopt a new life after having had the loss of a spouse.  All our circumstances are different and this isn't said to represent anyone elses coping and managing as improper or strange.  I can only speak for myself.  I am forever broken and stay task oriented so I can function but mostly I want out.  I don't know what awaits me but it has to be better than living without the love of my life.  I'm old enough to have lived all I wanted.  My death will be a celebration for me.  Can't be soon enough.......

Comment by Monty on November 6, 2019 at 4:00pm

Hi All

its been a while since I've posted here, life has been very busy (working looking after the kids and exercising and whatnot).

I hope everyone is well.

I'm going to preface this post with a comment "everyone's journey through grief is different and I don't for one minute expect any of the journeys I've had would be similar to others"

 

I thought that I would drop in and let people know how things are progressing for me.

mostly well.

I've for the last 6-9 months I've been dieting (more like not eating any sugar and trying to eat more whole foods, salad vegies and the likes of).  this has been amazing for me and I've lost over 16Kg about 35 pounds so far

I've been listening to positive audiobooks while out on a walk.

I continue to go to my men's group ( widowers at the bar) and have recently concluded another six-session counselling sessions.

For me focusing on the positives in life has made a huge difference.

Don't get me wrong; I still have moments where I miss my carol deeply and some days it seems to shake me like a tree in a cyclone.

Although I still remember all the good things that carol and l had, I remember whats she said to me in the last few days I had her "she wanted me to live life as she couldn't" with her condition.

I try to honour her by doing the best I can for the boys and me. And push my self to be a little better than the day before.

I've also joined a facebook group "Widowers Support Network"  its a closed group for men.. sorry lady's

its been very good for discussing feelings, questions and advice.

in closing, for me, grief has been a traumatic experience in the near two years since carols passing, and the grief of coping with her debilitating condition and the knowledge that my boys may head down the same path.

I think I've come to grips with most of it 

I continue as written by Dylan Thomas wrote in one of his poem's

"Do not go gentle into that good night, Rage, rage against the dying of the light"

I continue to fight against my dark moments, negativity and things that do not have a positive effect on my and my family's life.

 

please have the very best day you can

Comment by Linda Engberg on November 6, 2019 at 1:22pm

Hi Fran,

So sorry for your loss. It's been 7 years since I lost my Beloved Husband.

I have and never will be the person I was. I have accepted that and just go through the motions. There are no good days for me.

Since the day he died, I died too. 

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