Information

Lost My Spouse...

Members: 355
Latest Activity: 2 hours ago

Discussion Forum

FAILING 2 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Monty on Sunday.

My wife passed 5 days before christmas 7 Replies

Hi AllMy name is Monty and i have become single parent of two special needs boys when i lost my wife and life partner of 25 years, 5 days before Christmas.My wife had Myotonic Dystrophy and other the…Continue

Started by Monty. Last reply by Monty Jul 8.

loost my spouce 4 Replies

Lost my spouce a couple of weeks ago and now what do I do with the rest of my life after 55 years with the same person?Continue

Started by kathy. Last reply by ET May 28.

Healing 18 Replies

Hello,I've been reading the messages here and it's brought back memories of an earlier time in my grief. I feel for each of you. This loss is the most difficult of human struggles -- at least it has…Continue

Tags: joy, on, moving, healing

Started by Trevy Thomas. Last reply by Geraldine Brown May 28.

Comment Wall

Comment

You need to be a member of Lost My Spouse... to add comments!

Comment by Linda Engberg 2 hours ago

Hi Morgan,

As you always do in your posts, you take the words right out of my mouth. 

Linda

Comment by morgan 13 hours ago

Before this nightmare I myself would never have imagined how debilitating the loss of a spouse is. Tracy B 2014

I thought I would be able to focus on my career to help me heal, but I don't even like going to work any more. At home, I can't get motivated to tidy up the house or do laundry or cook. P W 2012

Do things at your own pace. You don't owe an explanation to anyone. Ever. Amy 2011

ther are so many things that were just so simple that meant so much Jessie 2016

I hate to admit this but I really dislike being around couples . Couples around my age or older couples because they have something I never will. Angela Renter 2016
He died in my arms...I'm miserable. It's been yrs, I'm still miserable. On antidepressants, anti anxiety, and gained 30 pounds. I'm obsessed with dying now.Alicia 2016

I came to this site to connect with people that are going through what I am. Everyone that does not understand loves to give me advice, but they have no clue what this feels like. I literally do not feel like a person anymore. I don't know how to do this. I lost everything they day he passed, I feel the deepest sorrow for him. I can not believe I will never talk, touch or see him in this life. I sometimes like to pretend that he will be back, just so I can get through the day. But the clock never stops and he never walks through the door. I guess, I just want to know how do I do this, how do I live a lifetime without my love. Courtney B 2014

These are all from prior posters. I do wonder how all these people are doing since many of them are years ago. I am hopeful many of them we able to reconstruct their lives since I copied these from the discussion amongst mainly young widowers. And yet I think so much of what they wrote are all the typical reactions whether young or old. I am after five years six months (tomorrow) still in much the same emotional shape as day one. I look and present better on the outside but the absence of my husband is always with me. My ups are somewhat better because I have tried to honor my limits in dealing with the world but my downs are unbelievable painful. Just need to come here often and know I am not alone.......

Comment by Crystal Parker on Thursday

Hi guys I lost my husband January 30th 2017 .. he committed suicide by our house. Night is still a struggle for me I know its still hard for our kids too but sometimes I dont know how to be or act .. he did all the Bill's and went to work I took care of the kids and the house I dont know anything about Bill's or APR's and taxes he did all this stuff I just dunno I'm just blabbering on I guess ..

Comment by M Adams on Wednesday

Geraldine, so sorry for all that you are going through -- the desire for images and manifestations of those we've lost to death does seem to be something that many of the bereaved experience.  I really resonate with the urge to recapture my time with my husband -- at this point, two years later, I have surrounded myself with photos and other souvenirs that give me some comfort and context.  I also make a point of wearing things he gave me and even some of his sweaters, for the sense of connection.  These behaviours might seem odd or obsessive to some people, but photos, jewelry, and clothing choices are generally not very noticeable and I think they help me.  Very hard that beautiful memories are now also terribly painful -- the brain struggles when the only source of pleasure is an intense source of pain.  I think that this particular kind of pain does diminish; at least for me I do now mostly feel better when I see his picture, wear a necklace he gave me, etc., and that in turn seems to be helping my mind to clear and heal.  Though I can't bring myself to look at the album I created in a frenzy a few months after his death, I am glad to know it's there and that I will be able to look at it when I feel able to do that again.  

Sudden interest in accessing the spirit world is probably part of the same impulse -- I had never considered it before, but shortly after his death I started searching for mediums.  However, the listings I encountered seemed insincere to me and I never went further, though I found myself being open to "signs" in a way I would never have envisioned before the bereavement.  

What you said about panic following you around is also so sadly familiar -- wish I could say that the panic feelings will disappear, but they haven't for me, though they are definitely less intense and less constant.  When the panic comes it is usually when I am out in the world and I find that just telling myself 'you'll be home soon' somehow helps; maybe you would find that kind of self-soothing worth a try, if you haven't already?  Hope you can find ways to be kind to yourself even in this terrible time.

Comment by Linda Engberg on July 10, 2018 at 7:38am

Today is my beloved Husband's birthday. 

Comment by Monty on July 9, 2018 at 4:31pm

thanks linda.

i wish you the very best on this difficult day for you.

Comment by Linda Engberg on July 9, 2018 at 7:28am

Monty,

Tomorrow is my Husbands birthday, every year I spent it at the St. Augustine Lighthouse where I have two pavers in his memory. 

Comment by bluebird on July 8, 2018 at 11:36pm

You are very welcome, Monty. 

Comment by Monty on July 8, 2018 at 11:30pm

thanks very much Bluebird.

your perspective has given me something to mull over and i really appreciate your input.  i know talking about this can be upsetting.

i'm glad you have found some respite  from the grind.

thanks again

Comment by bluebird on July 8, 2018 at 11:21pm

Part 3

The only other things I've found that help me at all are going to the thrift shop once or twice a week (something I've always liked, and there's a local one where I'm a regular now, and again I find the ritual comforting and familiar), and also when I'm at home I almost always have both the tv and the computer on, for distraction. If I don't try to distract myself, I think too much (something to which I have always been prone, but which is a particularly bad idea for me now).

The special days -- birthdays, anniversaries, holidays -- just suck, at least for me. I spend them alone if I can (often I have to work, but then I spend those evenings alone). If your boys don't want to acknowledge or celebrate your wife's birthday, then maybe you should spend the day doing whatever helps you, whether that means taking a walk by a lake, or looking through old photos of the two of you, or spending the day with a friend, or having a glass of wine and crying, or doing nothing. If your boys' special needs mean they can't be left alone, or if they are too young for that, you can always get a sitter. Whatever you do on that day, there is no way to "do it wrong". You do whatever helps you in those moments. 

You might want to consider counseling for the boys at some point, to help them deal with their mother's death. It's possible that they don't want to burden you with their sadness and anger, but that's what a therapist is there for, and they can unload on her/him because they don't love that person. You could always consider therapy for yourself, as well. Some people find that helpful, particularly if they see a grief counselor in particular. That's not something that I have chosen to do, but it does help some people.

Anyway, I hope that something I said is of some use to you, and/or that someone else can offer something that is.  {{{{hugs}}}}

 

Members (355)

 
 
 

Latest Activity

Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Morgan, As you always do in your posts, you take the words right out of my mouth.  Linda"
2 hours ago
Profile IconJoeann, Shari Darling and Christopher joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
4 hours ago
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Before this nightmare I myself would never have imagined how debilitating the loss of a spouse is. Tracy B 2014 I thought I would be able to focus on my career to help me heal, but I don't even like going to work any more. At home, I can't…"
13 hours ago
Shari Darling updated their profile
16 hours ago
Christopher commented on Amy's group You're too young to be a widow
"Some days you try, but you just can't. Whatever you needed just didn't work that day. The first 4 years were rough and she didn't want me to be alone. Unfortunately, I am alone. Society shuns widowers. The most common question I get…"
16 hours ago
Christopher joined Amy's group
Thumbnail

You're too young to be a widow

I never thought that I would be a widow in my forties.  My friends can't relate and feel the need to comment on everything, even if they have no experience with grief.  I know they mean well but only we know what we are going though.See More
16 hours ago
Christopher updated their profile
16 hours ago
M Adams left a comment for Michael Thompson
"Thank you for posting your tribute article - so evocative and insightful.  What you said about things you did together and also things you did alone being stripped of all meaning is exactly true.  Everything is emptied out."
19 hours ago
Tara Gibson is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
yesterday
Michael Thompson and M Adams are now friends
yesterday
Monty and Crystal Parker are now friends
yesterday
JenShep and Geraldine Brown are now friends
yesterday
JenShep replied to Madeleine's discussion What would you do if you could have your lost loved one back for just five minutes?
"bluebird, that's the perfect answer and exactly what I'd want. I think about this all the time. I also think of how hard it would be to have him back for 5 minutes and then to have to lose him again if I wasn't able to follow him. For…"
yesterday
Michael Thompson commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Hello everybody.  Roughly a year after my wife died of Bowel Cancer following a 22 year marriage, we married in 1992, my wife died in 2014, I decided to write an article to my local paper about grief from the left behind spouses point of view,…"
Thursday
Michael Thompson commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Hello everybody.  Roughly a year after my wife died of Bowel Cancer following a 22 year marriage, we married in 1992, my wife died in 2014, I decided to write an article to my local paper about grief from the left behind spouses point of view,…"
Thursday
Michael Thompson commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Hello everybody.  Roughly a year after my wife died of Bowel Cancer following a 22 year marriage, I decided to write an article to my local paper about grief from the left behind spouses point of view, whilst also playing tribute to my late…"
Thursday
Crystal Parker joined Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group
Thursday
Crystal Parker commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi guys I lost my husband January 30th 2017 .. he committed suicide by our house. Night is still a struggle for me I know its still hard for our kids too but sometimes I dont know how to be or act .. he did all the Bill's and went to work I…"
Thursday
Crystal Parker joined Jon-Paul Ackerman's group
Thursday
Crystal Parker and Britt Steele are now friends
Thursday

© 2018   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service