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Lost My Spouse...

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MY BELOVED WIFE DIED DECEMBER 2ND 182 Replies

Annette was my life. We were married 12 years. No children. Only the two of us. We both suffered from morbid obesity. This led to fluid build up called Edema. We both took care of each other as best…Continue

Started by Richard Rivera. Last reply by bluebird yesterday.

I really hate this new life 20 Replies

Why can't we all just wake up in the morning and realize that this was just a dream and our loved ones are laying beside us? Can't stand the holidays now, She made the holidays special. We was…Continue

Started by Kevin Bailey. Last reply by M Adams on Tuesday.

No one seems to remember 6 Replies

Stay social, they say.  Keep in touch with your "support". Don't let others tell you what to    say or think.   Sounds great, and sometimes it actually works. Tonight I went out to hopefully see…Continue

Started by Kathleen Jordan. Last reply by Kathleen Jordan Apr 23.

Choosing someone 9 Replies

As much as I truly and dearly love my kids, there's just something very , very different about the relationship we have with our spouses whom We choose out of everyone in this world to love, honor…Continue

Started by Kevin Bailey. Last reply by Maxey Apr 23.

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Comment by Jackie cooke 19 hours ago
Jerry that is horrendous, how can that have happened, have you only just found this out. How could a disease she didn't have kill her. It's horrible. Thinking of you x
Comment by Jerry yesterday
So, I am having to learn all about SUDEP, Sudden Unexpected Death in Epilepsy. 13 Saturday's ago today, my beautiful, healthy, adoring, wife has apparently died from this mysterious condition, that is even more mysterious when you don't have Epilepsy. So now instead of consuming my waking moments in sorrow shock grief. I now research everything I can find on this ruthless oddity I now live with. Anyone else here with this experience?
Comment by Trina Mamoon on Thursday

Beautifully put, Kevin: "so I can run to my beautiful wife and we can renew our vows in eternity." The day will come, my friend. Hang in there!

Comment by Kevin Bailey on Thursday
It is sad Trina but it is our truth. When my wife was here I'd dream about the good times that we would have when the kids finally cleared out. How I could really turn all the attention to her and spoil her, take her out and have date nights, you see we couldn't do those things raising four kids. Now that she's gone, it's hopeless, I mean I really love my kids but they have their own lives and I don't want them suffering with me. I'm just counting down my time here in this new prison. Waiting to be released so I can run to my beautiful wife and we can renew our vows in eternity.
Comment by Trina Mamoon on Thursday

I just read the recent posts and wanted to say how only this evening I was thanking the universe that we humans are mortal. Whether it takes another 30 years (and like Jackie the thought of another 30 years terrifies me and saddens me beyond words) or one more year, eventually we will all die. Death is a certainty, it's not an "if," but a "when" question. As Crystal said, we are going to see them again. This knowledge and faith that I will be reunited with my Joseph sooner or later gives me the strength to make it through one more day. On days that it gets really bad--and it happens several times a week--I comfort myself with the thought that as unlikely as it may be, it is not impossible that I will die in one year from today. I don't think I should be so lucky, but there is absolutely no guarantee that I will not die in the next year or two. Isn't it sad how bereaved people like us find courage and strength in the thought that some day our time will come, we will be released from this existence that is sheer torture and agony?

Sending good thoughts to everyone here. Peace.

Comment by Jackie cooke on Thursday
Your so right, a charade describes it exactly, just pretending all the time. I to have been left with not knowing how to do the bills, there is no money anyway now, I never did any of the finance stuff and the suddenness of her death meant there was no preparation. Sometimes I fell like just walking away from it all, just walking and wAlking
Comment by morgan on Thursday

Digging deeper in my hole again........of course I'm not sure I mean, again......it seems like i think I emerge but then there I am again........digging furiously so I can escape. 

This is the hardest, most painful, most misunderstood existential life crisis I have ever tried to manage.  I am constantly questioning why?  Where?  How can this be?  

I am not finding answers and it just keeps dragging me through the abyss.  I get a few hours of distraction. Almost like being high on work.  And then something will make me remember how things were.  And then I get angry because I find that all this busyness is so senseless.  

How long can a person (like me) who cannot manage their grief consistently (enough to think that they want and can live a reasonable life).......exactly how long do we last given the stress of what this is doing to my body.  How long will I have to keep up this charade because that's all this is.......a charade....

Comment by Kevin Bailey on Thursday
I was in denial even when they was talking about hospice. I was thinking she's not going anywhere, we're in recovery mood but I do need a nurse to help me with some things. Cancer is a wicked disease and it took my beautiful wife through so much pain and misery until her small body couldn't take anymore. I do find comfort in knowing that she's no longer suffering here on earth. I accepted the fact that this pain is a part of me but I do also find comfort in knowing that we'll be together again. I do see her sometimes in my dreams but in my dreams I don't realize that she's gone and I'm acting normal. There was visions as I call them and in my visions I do realize that she's gone and I'm hugging and kissing her and telling her how much I love her and I'll wake up crying afterwards. That only happened like twice. I wish so bad to have another vision but had nothing for awhile.
Comment by Kathleen Jordan on Thursday

I soo believe that....I see him, or feel him every day...It's hard to stay posititve...but   it works

Comment by Crystal on Thursday
Yeah, Ben was told 5 months at christmas, but he made it 3 months. It was fast and aggressive. He was on hospice for 1.5 months. He was up and walking around after his brain surgery in july, did great all the way till chriatmas, but the cancer came back with a vengeance. I feel for you. But we are going to see them again. That's what keeps me going.
 

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Latest Activity

silvia maria posted a blog post

The REBEL inside us

There is a part of being human that is perhaps more evident to who is more an INTROSPECTIVE person. The part in me that the REBEL takes charge and propulse CHANGE. It´s not visible to others necessarily. Because it is in such a deep level, that most don´t quite read right. Works like this. When a lot of people tell you things that are not remotely acceptable, you make a longer distance from them to you. And they wonder what´s wrong, and of course they wont point at themselves reading you wrong…See More
45 minutes ago
Kathleen Jordan commented on joanne's blog post people have no clue
"Fabulous!  Enjoy the small moments.  I still run my karaoke business, but it was so hard to  sing so many songs without choking up during them.  Now, I've found a way to pull strength from them. I wish I  could explain…"
2 hours ago
Jackie cooke commented on joanne's blog post people have no clue
"Well my friends, a strange thing has happened. This morning I was ranting to you all about not having a sign to say my Shirl is ok and still with me. We run or did run a dog training club together, we have done this since 1995, I am trying to carry…"
2 hours ago
Jackie cooke commented on joanne's blog post people have no clue
"Oh and also can I just say that the worst thin I'm hearing over and over is that she is at peace now. She was at peace before she died, she was reading the paper saying what we were going to watch on TV that evening. She had just enjoyed tea…"
7 hours ago
Jackie cooke commented on joanne's blog post people have no clue
"I'm getting this all the time, iv been told I'm still young enough to meet someone else, wtf! Light at the end of the end of the tunnel, it will get better with time. Keep yourself busy and you won't notice it so much. No one has a…"
7 hours ago
Tasha commented on joanne's blog post people have no clue
"People are just trying to help I believe. I can't stand when people want to know how they died. Why? I love them, I miss them, their route of departure isn't important. I have experienced much loss in my life, the most recently my…"
10 hours ago
bluebird and Lost with out him are now friends
10 hours ago
pamela k branchaud joined Jon-Paul Ackerman's group
12 hours ago
beverly zuriff left a comment for AnneJ
"Thank you for your understanding of my grief.  If you have gone through it, you know how terrible it is.  I wish you the best."
15 hours ago
Dolly commented on Diana, Grief Counselor's blog post After Death Communication
"I believe you got your answer Cindi... God is a merciful God and knows our hearts even with everyone else thinks they do... but only He does and only our hearts matter.. we all say and do things that hurt Him and like the best parent ever He loves…"
16 hours ago
Jackie cooke commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Jerry that is horrendous, how can that have happened, have you only just found this out. How could a disease she didn't have kill her. It's horrible. Thinking of you x"
19 hours ago
Paula Marie replied to cristian criss's discussion Agony after grandmum's death.
"This sounds very much like my experience of losing my amazing mother nearly 4 years ago. I felt totally empty and dead inside, and lost almost every reason to live. I clung to the few things left in my life that had meaning, and really just wanted…"
20 hours ago
Cindi Norton commented on Diana, Grief Counselor's blog post After Death Communication
"My 36 year old son Christopher died April 5th of an alcohol drug overdose.  He is a Christian and fought addictions for many years. I have tremendous guilt praying I could of helped him-saved him.  A few days ago I saw an Angel, just after…"
22 hours ago
Cindi Norton joined Gyla Lynn Darden's group
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Loss of a child In memory of my son or daughter

This group focuses on healing ourselves and each other over the death of a child and welcomes a Christian atmosphere to help with the healing process. I welcome all of those grieving.See More
22 hours ago
Maggi Crowston-Boaler replied to Doug's discussion Unbearable loneliness
"October 22nd, 2012, my elder son was told he had late-stage Hodgkin's Lymphoma. Massive tumour on his right lung. Inoperable. Long story short: he went through HELL and he died just a month later. No counselling has ever been offered. I've…"
23 hours ago
Jerry commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"So, I am having to learn all about SUDEP, Sudden Unexpected Death in Epilepsy. 13 Saturday's ago today, my beautiful, healthy, adoring, wife has apparently died from this mysterious condition, that is even more mysterious when you don't…"
yesterday
joanne commented on joanne's blog post I want to go back
"Jackie, im so sorry for your loss, my so called friends are also non existent, like you I understand they have lost the fun, happy person I once was, I will never be that person again, that person died when he did. I also understand the family part,…"
yesterday
Jackie cooke commented on joanne's blog post I want to go back
"All this is so true , there is no joy in waking up, every night i won't, it's 7 weeks today since my life came to an end and every day is worse. Friends are non existent,i don't blame them,the happy fun person has gone and all…"
yesterday
Tasha posted a discussion

Sons father died

January 20, my son's father lost his life to addiction. My son is eight years old, it seems so unfair that a little kid has to endure such grief. His father and I grew up together, I knew why he was the way he was. His parents both were addicts and we're in prison. Well tomy ( my son's father ) , continued the cycle. When our son, drake was born, tomy was in prison and it continued through drake's life. Tomy came home from his last stint in prison December 15 and was found dead Jan 20. Only had…See More
yesterday
morgan commented on joanne's blog post I want to go back
"Joanne, The refrain is so similar and familiar for all of us.  I was at Lowes tonight and I was picking up things for the job I am doing and the fellow who was helping me said I should be on a beach somewhere reading a book having a good time…"
yesterday

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