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Comment by Shirley on January 11, 2015 at 11:02pm

Karen W.

Wanted to say  I just read your post about your daughter and I am going to add you and your husband to my prayer list tonight.

Thank God for this web site so everyone who have lost a loved one can post and talk with others who are in the same situation. It takes a toll on all of us, but we  have to realize  we do not question what is handed to us in this life. GOD is  in control and he knows what is best for all of us . He needed an Angel and wanted your daughter to " come home".... Would be glad to be your friend here if you ever want to talk. I lost my nephew , the 5 of April 2014 and then my husband passed the 29 of April 2014.  My tears still flow like a river and I keep asking God to be my strength and walk with me every step of the way through this grieving. May God give you guys Peace, Comfort and Strength as you slowly move forward  in your grief,  as each day passes.

Comment by Karen W. on January 11, 2015 at 10:17pm

sorry, didn't realize how long winded I got. but may as well finish the rest of the story...

She lasted until 6 days before Christmas and that night she woke up complaining for the first time of bad pain, from indigestion. I knew she was most likely having a heart attack like we had been told to expect and she did.

She woke us up at 2 am on Dec 19th and died at 4:56 with both her Dad and I laying next to her holding her as she passed.

We held her funeral three days before Christmas and although it has now been 3 weeks it feels as raw and unreal as it did the day she died.

I came looking for others who can understand the devastation I am feeling and a place where I can talk about the loss of our daughter.

 my heart and prayers go out to each and every one of you who have lost a loved one.

Comment by Karen W. on January 11, 2015 at 10:06pm

Hi, thank you for the responses. Our 36 yr old daughter was having really bad leg cramps after working close to 30 days straight at two jobs.

We made her take the weekend off to come stay with us, so she could rest and I could treat the cramps. None of the tricks I had learned as a nurse helped, so that next tues November 19th, 2014, we took her to the ER thinking she was dehydrated as she also started not keeping anything down.

They ran some tests and came back to tell us that she had stage 4 cancer everywhere and had less than two weeks to live!

She was diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer which is very aggressive, usually not found until stage 3 or 4 and not normally found in a young woman.

The only sign we could recall was a couple months prior during her monthly cycle where one breast was swollen and tender, no lumps, but it felt much better after her period ended and we didn't think more of it.

Shocked isn't the word for how we all felt, cancer never entered our minds as it doesn't run in either side of the family and to be told she had less than two weeks to live was also hard to believe as she had no pain outside of the leg cramps and didn't feel sick. In fact, after they told us and showed us the scans to prove it, she asked them to please fix the leg cramps as she was on the schedule to work. They were flabberghasted, lol

They admitted her instead and her Dad went straight over and quit both her jobs for her that same day. We stayed at the hospital for a few days and met with an oncologist who had called in hospice, but our daughter got very mad at him and refused hospice, she told him she is a fighter and he had to give her options.

He told her she wouldn't see Christmas either way, but if she wanted to risk buying an extra week or so, he would go ahead and give her a chemo tx. the dr told her that it could most likely kill her immediately as her platlets were so low. but she said she had nothing to lose and wanted the tx the following week, so we brought her home.

Once the leg cramps were treated, she looked and felt normal other than being tired, it made it all so unreal to think she was dying.

the following week she had a chemo tx and felt fine afterwards, no nausea and in fact said she was starving.

a few days later her entire body started to swell from fluids and we took her back to the ER where they admitted her. They told us she was not well enough to have the fluid removed and had less than 24hrs to live.

Once again she asked for the dr to fight for her, so he gave her platelets in order for her to not bleed to death from the procedure. Her count got high enough and they rushed her off and removed the fluid, but at that point her body was shutting down, and the dr told her she had very little time left as none of her major organs other than her heart and brain were working.

She wanted to come home to die, but he told her she wouldnt survive the 30 mile trip unless he could get her sodium levels up to prevent a heart attack and it was unlikely to work as the fluids would just build up and kill her. Once again she defied the odds and we brought her home after being told she wouldn't live through the night.

She agreed to Hospice and they showed up even with only hours to live. She continued to seem normal although the chemo wiped her energy out completely, but she still ate, talked and walked.

Our daughter never once complained about pain, if we asked her, she would say maybe a 3 out of 10 and attributed her discomfort from laying around so much when she was so used to being active.

Every day was nervewracking as we were told there was no earthly reason she should or could still be alive and at the same time we had a major blessing of another day.

 

Comment by Anyshia Garcia on January 11, 2015 at 7:13pm

Thank you all for your love and support... It is so wonderful to be able to talk about it with people who can truly understand.

Karen, welcome! I am new too.

Comment by Trina Mamoon on January 11, 2015 at 5:39pm

Hello Karen,

Very sorry that you had to find this site, that means you have lost a dear one to cancer. I lost my beloved husband this past August to lung cancer, and it has been a tough journey so far. This site helps bereaved people talk about their loss with people who know the pain of loss and death. Most people who join this group tell us about their loss and how they are coping.

I wish you strength and peace. 

Trina

Comment by Karen W. on January 11, 2015 at 5:06pm

first time here, not sure how to join in and if there is anyone here

Comment by Shirley on January 11, 2015 at 4:48pm

Anyshia,

Want to let you know my prayers include you and your two sons. God will never leave us alone. Speaking from my own experience, I know the feeling of losing not one husband but two and they both died from Cancer . One at the age of 38 and we had four young children , that I was left to raise by myself. Remarried thirty years later and just this past April 29  2014, he passed . No children with this one, but it is still the losing of a loved one that gets us wondering  why. Have been  a religious person all my life and I know we can  not and do not question what is given and taken .   Praying for you to receive  Strength, Peace and Comfort in the future.

Comment by Casey on January 11, 2015 at 2:48pm

Anyshia:

I am so sorry for your loss. I am so touched by your story. My thoughts are with you.

Comment by Trina Mamoon on January 11, 2015 at 12:32am

Anyshia,

You are a woman of tremendous courage! You are only 30 and lost your husband after watching him suffer in pain, yet you write so measuredly and with consideration. Your two beautiful boys are two wonderful reasons for you to go on living as best as you can and to provide a good home for them. I wish you well in your new and challenging journey. May you come of it stronger and wiser.

You have quoted Campbell very nicely. Yes, our loved ones continue to live on in us and through us. They didn't die, they walk beside us and will live on as long as we live. Thank you for the beautiful quote.

Comment by Anyshia Garcia on January 10, 2015 at 11:01pm

I am grateful for finding this website and this group. Reading everyone's story sure does help one cope. I lost my husband last month to colon cancer last month 12/13/14 only a week after we welcomed our second little boy to this world. He was 29. I never could imagine that his stomach ache would turn out to be something so terrible and that it would be too late to do anything about it.
Our oldest son ian wished for his seventh birthday for a sibling. Two weeks later we found our we were expecting. Two weeks after that we found out my husband had stage four colon cancer AND kidney cancer. The colon cancer had already metastasized to his liver, lungs, and lymphnodes in his abdomen and chest. It ends up he had a genetic condition called Lynch Syndrome. We found out his mother had terminal cancer the month prior.
And so began our journey. I fought hard with him during my whole pregnancy, he could no longer work and we had to move to my parents house 8 hours away due to financial reasons in which I too lost my job. He was a new legal alien (dispite we had been married for 8 years) and he could not get disability. We were so determined to fight this regardless of what the doctors had said. He went on chemo which didn't work. He had a pain pump installed surgery to remove the colon and kidney tumors. They said the doubt he'd live to see the baby. But despite it all he fought hard and held on. He lost 100lbs in 5 months. And he made it to see the baby. I had hoped I would have him at least 2 more months but he declined so suddenly and departed.
It has been single handed lay the hardest thing I've ever had to face in my life. We had gone through so much together. He was my rock. Our seven year old is really struggling with having lost his papi.
I have held on to my faith throughout it all. And my two sons are my reason for going on and getting out of bed. Our second baby is now 5 weeks. And thankfully keeps my hands full. But it is so hard and I have random meltdowns. I have faith I will be ok but I feel no one understands. I thank you all because it helps to know one is not alone. Watching someone you love so dearly die slowly and painfully till they are unrecognizable is I think the most horrible thing in the world. We were supposed to grow old together. Raise our boys, watch them grow. I turn 30 in two weeks, and face a new life as a young widow with two beautiful boys. I try to remind myself of the quote by Thomas Campbell ... "To live in the hearts of those we leave behind is not to die"...
Thank you all for listening.

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