Suzanne Ballard
  • Female
  • Mount Ulla, NC
  • United States

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Wandering in the wasteland - Is there life after loss of your soul mate?
15 Replies

I have only been a widow for a very short time (less that 2 months) but I already feel like I am constantly looking down the road at what's to come for me. Right now, I feel like I am just sleep…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by Becky Petrie-Hamilton May 9, 2010.

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About Me:
Not much to tell. I am an organic farmer by trade, lover of all nature, environmental activist and take my stewardship of Mother Earth pretty seriously. That is one of the bonds that I shared with my husband. We lived, worked, played, loved and shared every day, side by side. I am completely lost without him, even though I know that I am a strong person in my own right. This feeling of total helplessness is foreign to me and I am not coping well at all.

I'd like to correspond with anyone on a personal basis but for some reason my email doesn't work from this site all the time so here is an alternative. Maybe that one will be okay.
About my Loss:
I recently lost my husband to renal cancer. I don't even know what to say at this point about it all, except that I never thought I could feel this empty or miss anyone this much. It has only been three weeks but I am already feeling like I need to reach out to others, in the hopes of making some sense out of this tragedy in my life.

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Comment Wall (7 comments)

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At 3:50pm on May 22, 2012, Joseph R Balfour said…

thank you for what you said its been some time and its still like the day is never going to end im always asking to hear something from her but it just will not come in just the way i wish it too thank you i hope you are well and standing on what is in your heart thank you


At 11:30am on May 2, 2010, Monica Pace said…
Hi Suzanne!
I have been trying for an hour to send you a message in response to yours. Won't send!! It's very frustrating but I don't know how to fix it. Anyway, I wanted to let you know that I got your message, loved it, and will get back to you when I can. Thank you!!
At 12:07am on May 2, 2010, julie conway said…
Hi Suzanne B.
Can't find your e-mail. Mine is Please write. We are on the same time line of having lost husbands we loved so very much. Every word you write-I relate too. God the pain and lonelyness is awful. Many of us are going through this-you are not alone on the net.
Julie Conway
At 11:33pm on May 1, 2010, Sue Swinehart said…
HI, Suzanne,
I read your post and came to your page to get your email address, but didn't find it. Not used to this site yet. Mine is if you want to write.
At 10:37pm on April 25, 2010, Shelly said…
Thank u for your comment and compliment my daughter is the light of my life and I am always going to miss and love her dearly yes I'm extremely proud of my Angel!
At 8:26pm on April 24, 2010, Kirstine Rushing said…
Hi Suzanne B,
I am so sorry for your loss. Cancer is just a horrible diesease. I too am trying to reach out to others and fight back in some way. I recently raised $750 for our local Relay for Life cancer walk. I am hoping that in some small way I can stop someone else from going through what our family has been through. It is nice to connect with you. I am not coping so well either, so feel free to cry/vent to me anytime! I am in the same boat and its soooooo painful.
At 12:18am on April 24, 2010, julie conway said…
Hi Suzanne B.
I have not been on line as I just returned to work God, this is horrible. You lost Dan just a few weeks before I lost my George.
God, this pain is something I have never felt before in my life. I can't hate anyone this much to wish this kind of pain on them.
I cry-just start to cry. I played the message machine in our room and George's voice was on the machine. I felt my heart break and I felt so ill. I wanted so much to call him-and I knew I couldn't. He is gone and I am all alone.
Like I posted before-I cry doing every day chores. I cry in the grocery store,driving in the car to work. I can hear him telling me to have a good day or call him during the day if I need anything-but he is not there saying it. It is all a memory. Oh how I wish I had a re-do for one week-just one week.
People try to be kind-I know that. But all the sorrys in the world does not make me feel better. I feel like I am at the bottom of a deep, black hole looking up.
My heart broke April 3rd-My life as I knew it died on that date. I was no longer a wife-no longer a partner. I really don't know what my life is or who I am now.
All I can do is pray-Just so I have someone to speak with and to get the strength to make it another day.
I am here for you to share your feelings too Suzanne.
Take care Julie Conway

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Linda Engberg commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Hi Dream Moon, I hate the big C also."
Georgette Benson added a discussion to the group "Till death do us part", a letter to my husband

Widow as a newlywed

When i got married March 25th 2019 was one of the Best days of my life i was marrying the man of my Dreams,My best friend,My soul mate. Even though it was one of the happiest day of my life but it was also a sad day.Because i was marrying the man of my Dreams knowing that i only had a little time left with him. He was diagnosed in December of 2018 of stage 4 lung and kidney cancer that day was one of the worst days of our lives. I thought but when the time came and he took his last breath that…See More
Georgette Benson replied to heathert's discussion a letter to my king in the group "Till death do us part", a letter to my husband
"My condolences i know your pain all so well. I just lost my husband 7/9/2019 to cancer an im exactly where you are with my grief."
Georgette Benson joined Debbie's group

"Till death do us part", a letter to my husband

How do I begin to thank you for the life you have given me. A life that included 4 loving children, 4 beautiful grandchildren and memories that will last forever.We had more then the romantic love we had when we first met almost 40 years ago. That fades with time. Through the ups and downs, fights and reconciliations, laughter and tears we had something more. We had true love, commitment, trust, and most importantly we had friendship. Since 1975 we have been together to celebrate every…See More
Georgette Benson is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
dream moon JO B replied to dream moon JO B's discussion mad at god
"i no i get wk mometns ido but trynin 2 stayy strongg is not is a eayss thng 3 fo o iyd oy "
dream moon JO B replied to Amy's discussion How do I get unstuck?
"so sorry on yore loss u can olnly do it wen u reddyy i no i had a loto of set bacs i di d but we all difnro peplee we is i no in 2018 i fondmy slf goin 2 spirtlastt churchh for ansesrd in steds of try  to seak medims lk a fe wpeplee do on…"
dream moon JO B commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"i hateeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee bigc i hateeeeeeeeeeeeee lozzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz coz of big c im 44 sean somushh siffin sorry if im rantin justt i need 2 let go coz of big c lpluss othr illness 2 i do "
dream moon JO B commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"i do not luv bigc now iv fw mro frinds its got termil big c sum few yrs oldr thnme just undr 50  few peppel weari livs gotbig c' wish i cud shoot big c lk dem/ALZ in to md of nowear sp no 1 cud get it'"
Lisa posted a status
"I lost my brother in-law who really was my brother for 39 years 9 weeks ago tragically and suddenly on his holidays while kite surfing"
Nancy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Bless you Morgan.  You say it all."
Lisa is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan Thanks for sharing how you cope without your Husband.  You put into words what I cannot express. "
Dolly commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Do we ever stop having those days that seem just like the day it all happened? when nothing else seems real and all we feel is the pain again? does it ever just not happen any more? "
Martha Dee is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Part 2Linda, yes and yes, I "laugh on the outside and cry on the inside".  And the laugh (or just plain conversation) is just part of how I cope for when I have to be around others.  But it means nothing.  It’s like we…"
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Part 1 Bless you and thanks to each one of you who keep writing about how you feel and how you cope.  I always feel support knowing I am not alone.  What I don't get (and not that any one of us can give it) is the answer to how I can…"

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