Suzanne Ballard
  • Female
  • Mount Ulla, NC
  • United States

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Wandering in the wasteland - Is there life after loss of your soul mate?
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I have only been a widow for a very short time (less that 2 months) but I already feel like I am constantly looking down the road at what's to come for me. Right now, I feel like I am just sleep…Continue

Started this discussion. Last reply by Becky Petrie-Hamilton May 9, 2010.

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About Me:
Not much to tell. I am an organic farmer by trade, lover of all nature, environmental activist and take my stewardship of Mother Earth pretty seriously. That is one of the bonds that I shared with my husband. We lived, worked, played, loved and shared every day, side by side. I am completely lost without him, even though I know that I am a strong person in my own right. This feeling of total helplessness is foreign to me and I am not coping well at all.

I'd like to correspond with anyone on a personal basis but for some reason my email doesn't work from this site all the time so here is an alternative. Maybe that one will be okay.
About my Loss:
I recently lost my husband to renal cancer. I don't even know what to say at this point about it all, except that I never thought I could feel this empty or miss anyone this much. It has only been three weeks but I am already feeling like I need to reach out to others, in the hopes of making some sense out of this tragedy in my life.

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Comment Wall (7 comments)

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At 3:50pm on May 22, 2012, Joseph R Balfour said…

thank you for what you said its been some time and its still like the day is never going to end im always asking to hear something from her but it just will not come in just the way i wish it too thank you i hope you are well and standing on what is in your heart thank you


At 11:30am on May 2, 2010, Monica Pace said…
Hi Suzanne!
I have been trying for an hour to send you a message in response to yours. Won't send!! It's very frustrating but I don't know how to fix it. Anyway, I wanted to let you know that I got your message, loved it, and will get back to you when I can. Thank you!!
At 12:07am on May 2, 2010, julie conway said…
Hi Suzanne B.
Can't find your e-mail. Mine is Please write. We are on the same time line of having lost husbands we loved so very much. Every word you write-I relate too. God the pain and lonelyness is awful. Many of us are going through this-you are not alone on the net.
Julie Conway
At 11:33pm on May 1, 2010, Sue Swinehart said…
HI, Suzanne,
I read your post and came to your page to get your email address, but didn't find it. Not used to this site yet. Mine is if you want to write.
At 10:37pm on April 25, 2010, Shelly said…
Thank u for your comment and compliment my daughter is the light of my life and I am always going to miss and love her dearly yes I'm extremely proud of my Angel!
At 8:26pm on April 24, 2010, Kirstine Rushing said…
Hi Suzanne B,
I am so sorry for your loss. Cancer is just a horrible diesease. I too am trying to reach out to others and fight back in some way. I recently raised $750 for our local Relay for Life cancer walk. I am hoping that in some small way I can stop someone else from going through what our family has been through. It is nice to connect with you. I am not coping so well either, so feel free to cry/vent to me anytime! I am in the same boat and its soooooo painful.
At 12:18am on April 24, 2010, julie conway said…
Hi Suzanne B.
I have not been on line as I just returned to work God, this is horrible. You lost Dan just a few weeks before I lost my George.
God, this pain is something I have never felt before in my life. I can't hate anyone this much to wish this kind of pain on them.
I cry-just start to cry. I played the message machine in our room and George's voice was on the machine. I felt my heart break and I felt so ill. I wanted so much to call him-and I knew I couldn't. He is gone and I am all alone.
Like I posted before-I cry doing every day chores. I cry in the grocery store,driving in the car to work. I can hear him telling me to have a good day or call him during the day if I need anything-but he is not there saying it. It is all a memory. Oh how I wish I had a re-do for one week-just one week.
People try to be kind-I know that. But all the sorrys in the world does not make me feel better. I feel like I am at the bottom of a deep, black hole looking up.
My heart broke April 3rd-My life as I knew it died on that date. I was no longer a wife-no longer a partner. I really don't know what my life is or who I am now.
All I can do is pray-Just so I have someone to speak with and to get the strength to make it another day.
I am here for you to share your feelings too Suzanne.
Take care Julie Conway


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"I,m grateful that I found this site.  It's sort of like besides my family, you all are the only friends I have left.  I do have a couple that are long distance, but don't get to see them very often.  All my so called local…"
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"Here's one of our permanent bed with names blocked out."
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda, We went on that same excursion off a cruise in 2003.  Here is a pic that was taken on the ship when we renewed our vows at a ceremony performed by the Captain."

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