I was a cancer caregiver for my husband from 2008-2011. I began taking anti-depressants, xanax, sleeping pills, and drinking as a way to cope. Now that he is gone, I have quit drinking but am still on all the medications. I want to stop the medications and get well.
About my Loss:
My husband died on April 20, 2012. He was in remission one year, and I left him during the remission on Sept. 2011 to live with my mother when his anger and abuse became more than I could stand. The cancer returned Nov. 2011, and he was given 2 more years to live. I didn't believe that he was going to die, but he died 6 months later. He was angry that I had left him and divorced me even though I begged him not to. On the day that the doctors were to remove the breathing tube, I finally signed the divorce papers even though I didn't want to. However, his family and attorney would not remove the breathing tube until I signed the papers. After I signed the papers, they removed the breathing tube, and he died 15 mins. later. I was standing by his side, holding his arm as he died. Now I am filled with grief and regret that I had moved out and didn't support him in his final months. I hope I can forgive myself. I've searched and searched for support groups and have read many books, but they have not helped. I hope that this group will help.
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"Part 2Linda, yes and yes, I "laugh on the outside and cry on the inside". And the laugh (or just plain conversation) is just part of how I cope for when I have to be around others. But it means nothing. It’s like we…"
"Part 1 Bless you and thanks to each one of you who keep writing about how you feel and how you cope. I always feel support knowing I am not alone. What I don't get (and not that any one of us can give it) is the answer to how I can…"