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Comment by Linda on April 2, 2012 at 8:53pm

My momma has been gone 4for months now. Some days i miss her so much it physically hurts and want nothing more than to take my own life but do not want to cause my kidd that kind of pain. The past 2 months every time the thought of mom came into my mind i just push it out ... including any and all memories of her. If i dont think about her i dont miss her, i dont hurt, i dont cry and want to end my life. Then i started having drrams of her..... they were all good wonderful dreams with het hugging me and telling me how much she loves me then i wake up and reality hits again and its like losing her all over again.

Comment by Sue Waxman on April 2, 2012 at 2:12pm

Melissa,

I have the anxiety myself. I have a great sense of denial and pretend she is just a phone call away until I am able to breath again. It doesnt get easier...we just learn to deal with it differently every day. How I miss my mom. My life is just so different now. Easter this weekend. Another realization that I am alone without my mommy. She use to make the best Easter Dinner. Leg of lamb.

Comment by Mark on April 1, 2012 at 6:16pm

Ashlee I don't know if this will help but whatever choices that you make recall every time your mom smiled and approved.  Recall that feeling you felt with her approval so that when you make your choices knowing they were the best for you that she would be super proud.  Thats what I've been doing these days.  Every thing I've faced I have longed to talk to her about it before I make any decisions.  It sucks not having them there just to listen.   I think my moms around me.  I'd swear at times I can smell her or strange things will happen like seeing the number 1111 or 333 on the digital clocks or other things.  I have decided to keep my moms cremains with me.  I actually find comfort that they are with me and not spread or in the ground.  They should be with me.  We were inseperable in life.  I took care of her my entire life.  I miss her so much it's hard to think there is going to be any joy in life.  So I try my hardest to believe she's around me.  She can see and hear me and she'd be proud of my choices.

Comment by Ashlee on March 31, 2012 at 6:58am

my mom has been gone since july 2011. i think about her daily, wishing that she was still here. i'm going to be going through some life changing decisions soon, and i wish that she was here to ensure that i'm making the right choices. i haven't been able to go to her grave in months, it's still too difficult to see that. i guess it's because i don't like to be reminded that she's gone forever. i also agree that things don't get easier, i just hope that one day i can find peace in her passing.

Comment by Sue Waxman on March 29, 2012 at 2:56pm

Hi guys...its Sue. I had to set up a new e mail and all on this site changed my e mail. I know how you are feeling Sandra about staying away from people who have not suffered a loss. I also understand about going to the grave. My mom's cremains are buried with her mother in Michigan. My aunt wants to send me a picture of the headstone and I just can't go there. I do have some of moms ashes at my house with her picture which keeps me company. It doen't get easier does it. Love Sue

Comment by Tammy Dresslar on March 27, 2012 at 12:10pm

So I talked to a hospice bereavement counselor last week. I guess I had been avoiding them for too long, or it wasn't the right time. She really listened to me and helped with the difficulty of being in charge. I had been telling my 3 yr old nana was on vacation. Had no clue how to break it to him, let alone convince myself of the reality. She suggested I tell him, so I did. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. But I really hate being in charge of everything sometimes I feel like my family looks for me to fill my mom's shoes. Example: My mom was big into holidays/ Birthdays she really made a big deal. My younger sisters B-day was Mar. 25 . I sent her a card w/o realizing mom was no longerhere to do that and make her feel special. She told me she missed that and how much it meant I thought of her. it amazes me what little things my mom done that meant so much, but we never thought twice about it til now.

Comment by Tammy B. on March 24, 2012 at 10:14pm

That's great, Marlene to get a visit from your mom even if it is in your dream.  My grandmother used to call those visits.  Whenever she would dream about my grandfather after he passed away, she would say he visited her the night before because he was in her dream.  To me, it's like your mom is telling you she's happy and in a better place and pleased that you're enjoying time with your friends. She's at peace.  I've had a couple of dreams about my mom too since she passed away in August and they have been like that as well.  I wake up knowing she's still looking over me, but knowing she's with God now.

Comment by MSB on March 24, 2012 at 9:54pm

Finally had a dream and my mom was in it last night. She seemed to just be observing me with my friends, She looked content. This morning i was confused by it, but then, it made sense.

 

Comment by Sue Waxman on March 22, 2012 at 12:27pm

Mary,

I know exaclty what you are feeling. My mom and I were so close too. It is so different when you mom is not phone call or a drive away. I am very alone now and it is so hard. My mother passed away holding my hand. It was the single most horrible day of my life. My heart is rather flat lined these days. I don't think I have to capabilities to deeply love anyone again. I care and I am caring....but opening up that part of myself, I doubt. Mom died in June 2011. My husband dumped me 3 years earlier. I actually had my first date in 3 years last weekend. He is a great guy. But I ask myself - why bother going there again???? I'm 56 and alone. Sue

Comment by Sue Waxman on March 22, 2012 at 10:06am

Hi everyone...it's Sue. I had to create a new account because I got a new e mail. Please friend me so we can catch up! Love you.

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