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Comment by Avi on June 11, 2018 at 11:27am

Daylight, you just made me remember all my painful moments.

Same pinch. Mother did not have any prob till sep 17, and in oct 17 diagnosed with the same cancer as aunty i.e. gall bladder cancer stage 4. She died on 15 May 18.

I do not know what to say much but I can understand your guilt right from my heart and wish that you overcome it soon so that you stay healthy and happy. Your mother is still with you and would like you to be happy.

Comment by BLUEBELL on June 11, 2018 at 11:22am

Daylight.

I am so sorry for your and your family's loss. It has not been that long, so I am guessing the grief in very intense right now

Guilt about what we should have done seems to be a common feeling that a lot of us share. It seems to be a stage we have to go through. Even after 1 year and about 4 months after my Mom's death, these thoughts still creep in and I torture myself with them. But they are less frequent and coming here to talk about them has helped. I have received reassurance that I did what I thought was best. I did the right thing and I do not need to beat myself up about the "what if I just had done this or that instead of what of actually happened."

My best to you. I am glad you reached out to us.

Bluebell

Comment by Theresa on June 11, 2018 at 10:12am

Daylight, please don't feel badly, we never told my Dad he had mesothelioma cancer from asbestos, he just thought he had a lung problem, he died not knowing, sometime less is better depending on the situation.

My best.....

Comment by Virginia G on June 11, 2018 at 10:09am

Daylight,

 As you have probably read, we all have guilt, I could write a book of everything I’ve done wrong.  I don’t know how to live with it.  However, what you and your family did was with the best intentions and you know your mother best.  It’s probably what she would have wanted.  You can share your feelings here as much as you want.  

Comment by Daylight on June 11, 2018 at 9:50am

Hi everyone,

I've been reading your posts for a while, but I haven't dared  post anything myself. In the fisrt place, I'd like to thank you for sharing your stories. They all have helped me coping with my terrible lost. I'll share mine with you as briefly as I can. 

My mom died  on January 11, 2018. She was 72 years old and looked younger than she was. We all knew she was healthy. She had had some regular blood tests months earlier, and they came back ok. Then, towards the last days of November, she began feeling itchy. I lived with her, and we both thought a bug has stung her. She took some pills but she wasn't feeling better.To make a long story short, she had another blood test because as days went by she started looking yellow. The results were bad, and doctors asked for a PET scan. The result: Gallbladder cancer stage 4. They told us, there was nothing to do. It was too late. She never knew because my her three older children and I decided to keep it from her. We wanted that she lived her last days calmly. The thing is that her other children didn't live with her. I did, and I saw her health declining minute after meaning. It was literally going through hell. Now, feel so terribly guilty for not telling her the truth. It has become a burden to heavy to carry on my own. 

Thank you all for reading my post. 

Kind regards from Argentina.

Comment by Theresa on June 11, 2018 at 5:17am

Crystal, Bluebell said it the way I would.

Comment by Avi on June 11, 2018 at 1:48am

I agree with Crystal that when we are surrounded with people, the grief gets some relief and the next moment when we are alone it again encircles us. I also have similar experiences. 

Comment by BLUEBELL on June 11, 2018 at 1:28am

No worries Crystal. The keypads on phones can make it difficult to get everything perfect.

It is hard. Nothing could have prepared me for how I would feel after my Mom passed away. But it does get less intense and becomes more of a low hum instead of a million marching bands.

Bluebell

Comment by Crystal K on June 11, 2018 at 1:06am

Sorry for the typos. Using my phone. 

Comment by Crystal K on June 11, 2018 at 1:05am

Hey all, how are you guys doing? Havent checked in in awhile, been pretty busy with work.. Guess its a good thing cause then Im not thinking about my mom constantly.. I wonder, when do we become comfortable when we’re alone? I feel like when Im with friends or coworkers, I get the distraction I need.. but tge moment I walk into my house, the ferlings of anguish and grief just wash over me again.. I’ve gotten to the point where Im just trying to fill my days with anything. Theresa, I just read your post saying something similar. This is so hard. 

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