Comment

Comment by Bill Smith on February 15, 2016 at 9:56am

Hi Michael, you're welcome - and as you say, at least he shows concern, even if it's not the way you'd prefer.  Frankly that's more than I can say for people I've known who showed little to none and just disappeared, and I don't mean simply casual acquaintances either.  Anyway, I hope you're both able to find a place where you still talk and get past talking about "that" and are still friends.  

Jo, I see God's love all around, despite the many bad things of this world.  Life isn't all bad.  "Why bad things happen" or why more to one person vs another is one of the all-time questions that nobody has a definitive answer for.  It neither validates nor invalidates God's existence.  My feeling is that if he stopped every bad thing from happening, that wouldn't really be life then, would it?  It would just be some sterilized, hollow imitation.  And granted in times like this that sounds like it's a worthwhile trade......but on the whole I seriously doubt it.

Again, just some thoughts; no definitive answers.  And believe me I've had my share of doubts and anger towards life, God, etc.  

Comment by Michael Thompson on February 15, 2016 at 9:39am

That's a very good question JO  B

Michael UK

Comment by dream moon JO B on February 15, 2016 at 9:33am

i oftn wondr wear gods luv is 

why did he let evry gt big c or suffr frm it or lose livs coz of it 

Comment by Michael Thompson on February 15, 2016 at 9:25am

Hello Bill.  Thank you very much for writing in response to my posting.  Basically I've never had time for labels whatever religion they represent ?

My heart is my church, and my late wife, who did believe in God, and who was a non- practising Catholic, agreed with me.

My neighbour is a bit of a knee jerk reaction bull in a china shop person, but he has found God and Jesus, and he would like im sure to talk to me from this point of view, but I wont have it, and I think this frustrates him.

He is clueless about my loss, like most people I meet who havent suffered the same, but he does try to communicate.

Thanks again for writing.

Michael UK

Comment by Bill Smith on February 15, 2016 at 8:24am

Michael, first and foremost I'm very sorry for your loss.  I lost my beloved a few years back and while everyone's journey is unique, I can appreciate the intense and lengthy pain of it.

I would also ask you try not to lump all Christians together (not saying you are, that's a just-in-case thought).  Frankly it's been my experience that born-agains are esp. in-your-face with their beliefs and intolerant of people who don't believe just the way they do. Hopefully that's not the case, but he also appears clueless about such a loss too, given his "move on" comments.  Unfortunately, this is hardly rare.  There are a million things people can say to you about your loss...and most of them stupid if not crass and thoughtless, even though they aren't meant to be.  

It's that last point, however, that I would ask you try and keep in mind...ie, he means well.  No, that doesn't make his words "OK," but intent should count for something...and IMO it's more important than the words themselves.

OK now THAT said, if he is getting "in your face" about it and you drop polite hints he doesn't take, it might be time to get more direct, something like "thanks for your thoughts, but I have my own beliefs so please respect that as I don't want to talk about it again."  No need to be nasty, but firm.

Just some thoughts.  I wish you the best in getting through these dark times. 

Comment by Michael Thompson on February 15, 2016 at 7:50am

From the outset, I wish to apologize to everybody on this site who believes in God.  

I have just had a heated debate with a neighbour who knew my wife and I for over 20 years.  He and I met each other on favourable grounds many years ago, but something happened and he turned to Jesus being our savour and that life's a miracle, he was devastated when my wife died, and im now struggling to talk about anything with him..

Ever since turning to Jesus he has become a born again Christian, I want nothing to do with labels, or indeed turning to Jesus, or any of this "life is a miracle" diatribe, I felt this way before my wife passed, I feel even less inclined this way now.

I am writing on this site, because I have nowhere else to turn.  My lovely lady wife passed in 2014 of bowel cancer, we were married for 22 years.  When I walk our little Yorkie in the picture, I dread bumping into him, because since my wife's demise I have changed, and doesnt he come across as understanding anything other than "I have to move on".  I am sick of hearing this from other people as well.  

Michael UK

Comment by Shirley on December 27, 2015 at 9:59pm

Hello  everyone....Just moved forward through the second Christmas after my hubby passed.  He took his journey home on the 29 of April, 2014. It was very hard watching the person you love, just dwindle down to nothing. He had Cancer cells in five  ares of his body and the  chemo and radiation did a great damage to the body but it seemed to be a little help at different  intervals. First was the Prostrate area,  they did radiation and implanted 73 seed around the prostrate,  then a few years it popped up in the right lung and he had the radiation and chemo again.   A year or so the cancer returned in the same right lung. There was five more radiation treatments and no more Chemo or radiation.  Had to take him to the hospital and the ER Doctor called  me up there to tell me the Cancer had jumped into the right side of hie brain at a  stage 4. That is the day we had  him admitted to Hospice of the Valley and  had him on home basis.. Slowly watching his body deteriorate to almost nothing, will break your heart. At the last week and a half, the Cancer spread to the spine. Not too many more days did we have him around as he passed, at home, at 4:15 AM April 29 2014. That my friend is painful to endure. Had three different nurses with him the last twenty fours of his life and he slipped away all by himself with no one around. Miss him but my theory is mine and mine alone...Glad GOD called him home so there would be no more medicines,  confusions, pain   anger episodes, refusal to drink or eat anything,  I felt like GOD knew he had gone through enough  and sent the Angel to bring him home to HIM.  My hubby is now "Resting High On That Mountain" and has everything he needs to be eager to see all things anew.       God Bless each of you grieving now.

Comment by Felicia on December 27, 2015 at 7:54pm

 I met a wonderful  lady five years ago, right after my mom died. She had recently lost her mom and was very understanding. We became friednds, had alot in common. We can tell each other just what we are feeling, whether it's good, bad, or whatever and we know we understand each other. Three years into our friendship, she found a lump in her breast. Up until that point, she had seemed so healthy and energetic. The only thing she ever complained of was her knees and elbows hurting. "I'm getting to be an old lady! " she would say with a laugh. Well, when doctors  found the cancer in her breast, they found it EVERYWHERE else, too-- knees, hips, elbows. Its in her bones and terminal. She did a round of strong chemo-- Red Devil-- they call it, and one of the possible side effects is sudden death. She survived it, and it did shrink the cancer a little. That was two years ago, and in the meantime she had been maintaining with chemo pills. Now, though, the cancer is really spreading in her hip bones and other places, so they started the strong stuff again. She called me the other day in severe pain. Even the strongest pain pills, which she now must depend on, aren't helping much. She said she felt like someone was stabbing her all over with a knife. She asked me if I knew of anything that might help. I felt so bad for her, and helpless. For her to even ask, I knew she was desperate.  At this point, all I know to do is pray with her and for her. And it's gotten so bad that my prayers are changing from "Please God, help her endure it"  to "Please God, if the chemo can't help much, just please let her go in her sleep, and then help all of us who love her to be able to endure her loss."  It took me 43 years , and the loss of my sweet mom, before I found my best friend. Now I am losing her. I know we will be reunited, but losing someone so precious always hurts so bad!

Comment by dream moon JO B on December 27, 2015 at 5:50am

i no fealin sadnes 

so mush loss in 1 go less xmas crds we get coz a lots missin 

i admt iv gon off rales its slf destuket wish coz of loss i no ill gt told its poor exsuse bt i ni cnt hlp it 

i cnt evn num pane stilll 

its 2 bad 2 num 

dad dies thn loss non stp in 2012

thn 2013 so   muhs loss agan

thn 2014 agan

2015

i cnt evn lk fowd 2 2016 coz i feal lk im jinxt or cursd coz evry 1 i sea seams 2 die orif  or if i sayhi 2 die its 

lk im jinxt 

Comment by Michael Thompson on December 27, 2015 at 5:14am

There is so much sadness out there caused by grief and the loss of a husband or wife.

 

This is my second Christmas alone, after 22 years of the most wonderful Christmases spent with a beautiful lady whom I married in 1992.  I have written two articles about this subject that were printed in my local paper.  

 

The first was a tribute to my wife and cancer from the left behind spouses point of view. 

 

The second was more recently, and it was an update.  If anybody wishes to read my two articles, please write to me care of the following email address, michaelthompson533@btinternet.com and I will be happy to forward both articles as an attachment

 

Because grief effects everybody differently, I am finding myself having difficulty with people who havent been through losing a spouse, this includes my neighbours, who im sure dont know what to say to me either ?, because until they have lost a husband or wife, I cannot relate to them, and they cant relate to me, it’s like im trapped on an island alone,  it is a horrible feeling of utter loneliness where once there was someone in your life and by your side.  I go through everyday like a zombie, anxious despairing, having to put up some sort of a front when I shop, I have got our little Yorkie pup to take care of.

 

The psychological effects of grief and grieving our enormous, and it’s something we have to endure alone, this is what I have discovered this past 14 months, yet it seems like just yesterday.

 

I have not touched a thing since my wife last went into hospital, I cant touch a thing, I am keeping things as they were as a vigil to my wife, my rock, my confidant, my friend.

 

As far as a belief in God is concerned, I have always kept an open mind, but if push came to shove I would have to say no, I will say that my wife did believe in God, and that she was a non- practising Catholic.

 

We discussed this issue of God verses Evolution many times, and she would always say to me that even evolution had to start somewhere.

 

Thank you for reading my piece. 

 

Here is my email address again.   michaelthompson533@btinternet.com

 

Michael in the UK.

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