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Comment by anna l. on November 12, 2011 at 11:59pm

All I can say right now is Melanoma is a sneaky bast#$% that steals far too many precious lives.

Comment by Melissa Broome on November 12, 2011 at 11:52pm

Mercy and Mike, So sorry for your losses and sorry we have so much in common.it was crappy thing to have in common don't yah think? I decided to come to this site as well because I'm not handling this well. I thought I could handle all this on my own I was so wrong about that! I hope we can find comfort in each other knowing we are going through the same thing's..I actually feel a bit better knowing I'm not alone..But so sorry there are so many of us in so much pain.

Hugs to you both!

Melissa

Comment by Laura Salefski on November 12, 2011 at 11:33pm

I joined this group shortly after my husband Jon died from Melanoma in Dec. I have found itvery difficult to be on here because your stories hit far too close to home. I have had a particularly bad weekend because it was a year ago this weekend Jon and I went on our last "date". I can still feel his presence in our home, but not enough to satisfy the need to touch him. I still hear some of our last conversations, and they make me miss him all the more. When we were married about three years we went to his aunts and Uncles 50th anniversary party. We promised each other we would be there for our 50th dance. I didn't get the 25th. He was too sick. I still stubble daily to do what I need to do, when what I want is to just stay in bed. I want him back. I feel like I was robbed, and the robbers were never found. They still have my precious Jon.

I was thinking through tears thus morning of writing Jon's birt mother a letter. He was adopted and we found her several years ago. She made it painfully clear she had not wanted found and she did not want to know him. Today I felt I wanted her to feel my pain. I wanted to tell her how she gave the best thing she ever had away. And in denying him as an adult who had questions for her he was humiliated and couldn't figure out what was wrong with him. Jon wouldn't want me to do that. But I want her to know what she missed.

Comment by michael sandoval on November 12, 2011 at 9:02pm

Dear Mercy and Melissa,

I lost my fiancee to Colon Cancer in 2009 and I am still struggling with it everyday.  she was diagnosed in April and passed in september.  And living without her has been the most difficult and saddest thing i have ever had to deal with.  actually i am not dealing with it very well.

 

Love,

Mike

Comment by Cynthia Horacek on November 12, 2011 at 12:00pm

Thank you Mercy and Brandi and everyone else.  My real estate agent called and has two showings today; I could have said no so I that I could just "laze around the house" but truth is, I did that yesterday.  Didn't shower; just threw on sweat and laid around, watched the tube, slept some, read some, did a little knitting and more t.v.  Went to bed later than normal.  I've been dreaming strange things; the night before last had a dream Don and I were in a church, but we couldn't find the priest - he was raised Catholic but wasn't a "practicing" Catholic, and I was raised Jewish; strange I'd be in a church of all places.  Last night my dream was that I was in a house, it was my mom and dad's house but it didn't look at all like it; I was tearing old papers off the walls that were stuck, but when the papers came off, the wall board came with them and there were big openings to the outside, and then I told my mom, and it was like I was a kid and was afraid she'd get mad, but she didn't.  I wonder what that means?  Anyway, I need to get cleaned up dressed and find some place to hang out today.  My daughter and her husband took the kids to Disneyland; she said she wanted to celebrate her dad's life, and I think that's a good idea.  But she also told me she realized she hasn't really grieved his death, either.  Well, when she's ready, she'll do what she has to do.  I appreciate that you are all there.  Thank you.

Comment by mercy on November 12, 2011 at 11:01am

Melissa; I hear you I’m in the same boat and I’m so sorry that we are in this club. The pain of losing mom has hit me harder than anything I’ve been through. I’m in my mid 30’s and have lost three brothers and my dad, my brothers all died in their prime, my dad was in his fifties. Mom’s death rivals all of them. She died one year after receiving treatment for esophageal cancer. Typing those two words is so hard. I hate cancer; it has forever changed our lives. I think losing dad was a little easier since he died just a few hours after his car wreck. Mom suffered for so long and I cannot get over the pain she endured. It makes my grief so much worse. Watching the person you love so much grow weaker and weaker is heart wrenching. My world will never be the same again. Hugs to you my dear, we can only try and get comfort by knowing they are free of emotional and physical pain.

Comment by mercy on November 12, 2011 at 10:45am

Hi Cynthia; I’m so sorry that you’ve hit a rough patch. You’ve been there for all of us and I want you to know I’m thinking about you and praying for you. We need you around; you are such an inspiration and I think of you often and your words come to mind when I’m having a rough day. You’ve been our rock so let us be yours. Do whatever it is that will bring you comfort, even if it’s just lazing around the house. I know you’ll get to feeling better; you have a vast amount of emotional strength and stability that few posses. Please keep us posted

Comment by Melissa Broome on November 12, 2011 at 5:33am

Hi Everyone I'm new here..My names Melissa I have 3 Boys ages 7,4,1 I lost my mom to colon cancer 7 months ago on the 7th..It's been very hard on me we were very close. I have good and bad days now..after the numbness wore off. I'm just now finally excepting she is gone I miss her daily I cry frequently but I keep going for my children. We found out she had cancer in Feb and by April she was gone. We cared for her..the hospital told us there was no hope so we brought her home on March 3rd..We cared for her till she drifted away...I thought losing her would be the hardest but that has proven not to be true..Living without her is the hardest thing for me to endure :(

Comment by Brandi Bangs on November 11, 2011 at 10:08pm

I'm so sorry Cynthia.  Today is one month since I lost my dad and tomorrow is his service.  I went into full panic mode like it was that day and had a horrible migraine to the point I was throwing up.  My mother gave me a valium after hours of no releif and in 10 mins it was all gone.  I don't think the pain ever goes away. 
I'm sorry for your loss.  Depressed and lonely feelings I'm sure is all normal.  Big hugs to you!

Comment by Cynthia Horacek on November 11, 2011 at 9:49pm

Tomorrow will be one year that Don died.  I was going to take the weekend and go to Cambria - a small seaside community that we loved to visit - and I was going to stay at the bed and breakfast we loved so much, but when it came down to it, I didn't want to go.  I don't know why - maybe the weather (rain in the forecast); may the drive (about 3 1/2 hours) alone; but in the end I stayed home.  I just mostly have been sitting around today; sleeping some and moping - feeling depressed and lonely; but not wanting to be with anyone unless it could be Don, and that obviously is not a possibility.  I can't believe how quickly the year has gone by, and at the same time, how long it's been.  I miss him today as much as last year, once the numbness wore off and it hit me.  I honestly am none sure what to do with myself; my life just seems to have no purpose, and I am just going through the motions.  I won't do anything to end my life; I still have my daughters and I couldn't do that to them.  I guess I just had to share this with someone.  Thanks.

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