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Comment by Dr S Gh on March 21, 2013 at 4:18pm

Hugs to everyone. It's 6 months since mum died and it's getting harder not easier. I've been having the same dream for the past 2 weeks. Mum is sittin g with me and i'm clutching hear hand and asking her to take me with her and she keeps sayning no. I have ME and am bedbound at the moment with a relapse and As mum was my carer throughout my illness i can't hepl but think of the times when she just sat with me and held my hands and that made me feel better always. To be honest all i seem to think about in the past 2 weeks is that i wish to die and join her.It's the first time sinec she died that i am feeling this so much.

Comment by Karen Van Benschoten on March 21, 2013 at 12:46pm

Hi everyone. This is my first day in this group, as well as my first day on this page. About 3 years ago, my mom was diagnosed with cervical cancer. I didn't think too much about it. I was thinking that was curable, she had a hysterectomy and chemo and radiation treatments until she supposedly went into remission.  Then, during a routine scan, they found spots on her liver, and that scared me to death.  When she broke her hip, it was biopsied and showed cancer in the bones. She didn't share that news with anyone.  Within about 6 months, I saw her for the last time. A hollowed out shell of the woman she used to be. She couldn't even talk to me.  She passed away about a week later, on Oct. 1 2012, 30 days before my birthday.  The last time I cried was that last day I saw her at the hospital.  I planned the funeral, took the train to NY for her funeral, then returned to WI.  I have not cried.  I just pushed it all down inside.  Now, when I think of her, I get this vague pain in my chest, and I force myself to think about something else.  I really need to grieve the loss of her but I don't even know now how to even attempt that.  All I can do is say, "Mom, I love you."

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on March 21, 2013 at 11:06am

hi all, im missing my mom a lot today, im actually wearing one of her sweaters....its ok though....my mom's name was nancy....im thinking of her a lot....its been over 2 years since her passing, seems longer....I love you mom....hi Michael, hope you are doing ok, mercy, I love you, WRITE!

Comment by Amanda on March 21, 2013 at 10:52am

Nancy, me too!!! My mom passed in August and I still feel the urge to call her and tell her about my day or ask her a question. I miss her laugh, she had the best laugh. We were best friends too and we could make each other laugh like no one else could. I miss that so much.

Comment by michael sandoval on March 21, 2013 at 10:38am

Dear Nancy,

Me Too.

My deepest condolences.

God Bless

Comment by Nancy L on March 21, 2013 at 10:06am

This is just such a painful process.  I feel for everyone on here.  It will only be 3 months since my mom passed but in a way it seems like forever.  At times I feel better at times, like now I feel so miserable. This can't be good for my body.  My chest hurts, my head hurts, my body is so tense. I feel like I can hear my heart beating in my head.  My body feels like it weighs a ton. It is so hard to even move. 

Most people understand how I feel, that grieving is hard and it takes a while to be able to move on, except for few people in my family! I can't snap my fingers and this feeling be over with...oh how I wish I could. 

There are things that I just don't want to have to deal with right now.  But others are forcing me to make decisions when I know I am not in the right place to make those decisions.

I want to go to my mom's house this weekend.  I want her to meet me in the kitchen with her excited voice "oh Nancy is here" and give me a hug.  I want her to sit down at the table and start asking me questions and her to tell me how she has been.  I want things how they use to be. 

Comment by Anne on March 20, 2013 at 8:03am

Melisa C; that was beautiful..thank you for sharing it with all of us.

Comment by Melisa C on March 20, 2013 at 7:53am

I read this poem today (by St Augustine)

"Love never disappears for death is a non-event.

I have merely retired to the room next door.

You and I are the same; what we were for each other, we still are.

Speak to me as you always have, do not use a different tone, do not be sad.

Continue to laugh at what made us laugh.

Smile and think of me.

Life means what it has always meant.

Why should I be out of your soul if I am out of your sight?

I will wait for you, I am not here, but just on the other side of this path.

You see, all is well."

It's beautiful, I wish I could do as the poem says, but it's just too hard not to miss so much the life we had together!

Comment by Melisa C on March 19, 2013 at 7:37am

Michael, thanks for posting that. I wish I knew how my mom was and what she thought at that age. So many things I can't ask her now.

Comment by Jaime Blythe on March 19, 2013 at 6:35am

Michael, as Shawna stated it, it was a very touching story. I'm thinking of writing some of the stories that my mom told me about of her and making up a book for my daughter, so she can get to know what her mommom was like. Also to pass down through the generations.

I would talk more but I just got home from almost being admitted to the hospital. Was in severe pain, nausea, and vomiting from all this mess with my low belly. Thank goodness I didn't get admitted. It was too close for comfort with that.

May The Lord bless everyone on this site and the world for that matter. Take care, and although I know for most of you it's now time to wake up, I'm now going on to bed. Instead of good night, may I say good day. Many hugs.

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