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Comment by Sue Waxman on May 15, 2012 at 12:54pm

Mary,

You made it through the day. XO Sue

Comment by Mary on May 14, 2012 at 10:35pm

I made it through my first Mother's Day without my mom.  It wasn't easy, I cried everytime someone sent me a text, left me a voice mail, or posted on my Facebook wall.  I stayed in bed until 11AM-was aiming to stay in there all day, but couldn't.  My own children-19 and 22 failed to wish me a Happy Mother's Day, but just when I thought all was lost, my son walked in with a banana split for me :) I was more upset that I could not get out and get flowers and put them on my mothers grave-it poured all day long and the cemetery was flooded-I guess that probably made my mom happy since she always told me NOT to waste my money on flowers.  I just keep thinking maybe this is a bad dream and not real.

Comment by Linda on May 14, 2012 at 4:04pm

Thank god for my daughter who is 24. She spent the whole day eith me yard saleing, ahe had me laughing all day, she cooked me.dinner steak and lobster. We planted pink flowers in the flower garden in memory of my Mama. Since mama loved my flower beds amd her favorite color was pink

Comment by Sue Waxman on May 14, 2012 at 3:49pm

Well I am assuming we all made it through Mother's Day. I bought my mom some roses and put them next to her ashes on my mantle.

Comment by Kaliha Johnson on May 13, 2012 at 4:29pm

Two weeks ago I signed up to work for the Mother's Day holiday for FTD.com to work from home. I did the Valentine's season. I thought that I could handle taking customer service calls for the floral company this holiday. My sister told me that it would be hard, but I told her that I would be fine. My husband asked me this morning whether I wanted to work. i told him that I was fine and we needed the money. I lead myself and everyone to believe that I would be great to work on Mother's Day. I only worked a hour and a half today. After taking 6 calls I knew that I could not finish the day. I finished a call and started to cry. It was way too much for me. It made me think about my mom and how I couldn't say Happy Mother's Day to her. How Mother's Day is more than flowers and candy. Its about being with your loved ones and being appreciate for you contribution. I am never one to just give up, but I had to tell my supervisor that it was just to hard for me to work. I Its almost been a year and it still hurts like it was last week. I am trying to rally for my kids and husband but it is so hard. All I want to do is cry and lay in my bed. When does this get any better where it is hard and hurt so badly?

Comment by Melissa Broome on May 13, 2012 at 1:39pm

Storyas Fawnfeather,

Thank you for replying to me :) I also had a dream that was odd I'll message it to you. I hope things get better for us all. Today I'm sure will be hard for us all. Big Hugs!

melissa

Comment by Linda on May 13, 2012 at 9:38am

I think ......  is there a heaven and hell......  my Mama would be heaven and when I die will I see her again....  the thought of never seeing her after this life is just to much to bear for me....  If I commit suicide will I go to hell?  I tried looking it up in the bible and cant find anything about suicide....

May 5th was my Mama's funeral/memorial services back home in Indiana....  everyone said after that I would find some closure...  but they were wrong... I thought maybe it would be my magical pill but I have found it even more difficult since the services....  I just cry all the time and am very emotional.  Will this ever get any better?  How do I go on without her?

my youngest daughter turns 18 in july and is talking about moving back to Indiana.  She knows how hard I am having it now and can't believe she is really going to leave me right now.....  I feel like I have no purpose in life anymore.....  What do I do now?  My Mama and my kids were the center of my universe now they are all grown up and and mama is gone... so now what?

Linda

Comment by MSB on May 10, 2012 at 11:08pm

Judy, I totally agree. although my mother wasn't in a nursing home, she needed alot of care. I was her caretaker. We did many fun things together as well. I have friends,but, my mother was my best friend. Now, i sit and talk to my pets. they are the only reason I sometimes feel i have to go on. I feel like I have nothing left to look forward to. My mom pawwed away in December 2011

Comment by Brenda Ann on May 9, 2012 at 7:31am

Dear Sunny,
I am so sorry that you have lost your Mom. I understand about deleting her facebook account, my Mom just doesnt want it anymore and I find it hard to delete it. After my father in law passed, my mother in law went to live in FLY forcing phone number changes. When I went to change the number and change it from mom & dad to mom, it felt like I was erasing him. I couldnt do it.
I think we have to be easy on ourselves- there is nothing we have to do or not do. Even if it makes us cry we do things that keep dad with us. At my daughter's baby shower we put dad's favorite cookies out for our guests on a special plate. It was as though he was there too. Few, very few of the guests knew why they were so special but they didnt have too- we did. My granddaughter draws him pictures and collects things he loved and we save them to give them to him when he is resurrected. Jesus says he will wake him from the sleep of death in John. This is the hope that helps my family cope.
One day when the whole family was visiting at mom and dad's, he and I were talking. No one else was inside with us. Dad said something that day about his kids and regrets. He wished he could change. He said, " I didn't hold my kids enough, I wish I had held them more.". From that statement I have learned a very important lesson. Even as I am grieving I feel I can hold my kids and grandchildren more, make them FEEL my love and tell them about his. Maybe this is a good focus on special days...

Brenda
Mawmaw1591@gmail.com

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on May 7, 2012 at 4:52pm

Melissa - I haven't been on for a few days, so there are quite a few new messages, but I'm choosing to respond to yours out of all of them, because I know exactly how you feel.  That is how I feel most of the time.  I had a dream today.  I was sick and laying on the couch doing Reiki on my stomach - I think I'm having digestive stuff from stress.  I fell asleep doing Reiki, and I had a dream that I woke up and started crying.  I was with my mom.  She was always a housewife in life, but in this dream she was in an office type place and she was doing work.  At the end, she was even typing even though she never knew how to type in life.  I was following her around talking to her.  I don't remember all of it, but I do remember telling her that she was gone but everything was the same here and I needed to visit her where she was and see how she was living since she was gone.  Then I said that I knew I couldn't do that.  And, I remember seeing an image of the church where she had gone in life and realizing she was not there and nothing was the same - the same people are not there, etc - at least not all of them.  Then, I remember saying to her that the doctors  said she was going to die but she was still alive and that I was surprised by that and I wanted to know if she was still treating her cancer.  It was a very upsetting dream.  I woke up crying.  I feel like you - no joy.  I can't move forward.  I only want to do things with her, and she is not here any more.  I can't seem to move forward without her.  When I have these dreams, it's usually me doing the talking and she's just listening.  Sometimes I think maybe she is mad at me, but I think maybe she is not responding too much so that I don't hold onto the relationship we used to have.  I think maybe she is trying to get me to move on.  I don't know.  I feel all of your pain -everyone who left messages.  It surely hasn't gotten much easier for me.  I don't even feel like I'm totally in this world any more.  I feel like half of me is over there or I'm disconnected from my body or something.

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