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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....

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Does it ever end? 5 Replies

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Comment by Amy Kuptz on April 19, 2011 at 5:10pm
I am really missing my mom right now and reading others stories seems to help.  Tomorrow will be 9 years without her.  I am graduating with a bachelors degree next month and it is a difficult time for me. This was our dream for me and I wish she was here to see.  I am very proud of myself and don't think I could have done it if she had not been my mother. She gave me the best childhood and I would not be where I am today without her.
Comment by Denise Murphy on April 19, 2011 at 12:33pm

Hi Jennie,

I am so sorry for your loss, it does help to talk about it. I also was the one I thought who had to be strong, but I realized I had to deal with it or it would come out some other way. I think we know someday we will experience the loss of our parents, but it does no make it easy. My mom was my best friend, the one I called when something good happened or when I was feeling down. I could tell her anything she loved me unconditionally. I miss not talking to her, I think I talked to her everyday specially after my father died in 2002, she died in 2005. I still miss her alot but I know someday I will be with her again which comforts me. In the mean time I need to live life because that is what she would want me to do. When my dad died I had my mom to grieve with, but when she died I felt alone in my grief. I did go to a bereavement group which help alot. I will keep you in my prayers, keep coming back this is a great and safe place to express your feeling.

God Bless,

Denise

Comment by Jennie on April 19, 2011 at 10:57am

just looking for another way to work through my pain, lost my mom in Jan 2010 and just haven't taken the time nor wanted to face the thought of being without her.  I had lost my dad 10 years ago too, and the more i think about it I dont think I really grieved him either.  I try to be the tough one, the support for everyone else...take a few minutes, let it out and move on...dont have time to deal with this ----but i need to make time or its never going to get any better.  Im hoping this will help me to do that.  I dont have my mom to "talk" with anymore, but maybe by expressing how I feel to other people who understand it will make it that much easier to work through. : )

Comment by Denise Murphy on March 31, 2011 at 1:48pm

Hi Judy,

I too went through the thought that this was just a bad dream, sleep was the only time I did not think about what was happening.  I even wished I was Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz and I was sleeping for a week and dreaming this happened.  But eventually when the time was right I did accept the reality, I think it's a way the body and mind works so that you can function from this devastating event in your life.  I would say the Serenity Prayer over and over.  I could not change what had happened, and I had to go on with my life for the sake of myself and my family.  One quote I read that help me was "Learning from the past is useful. Dwelling on the past is destructive.  I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

God Bless,

Denise

Comment by Judy on March 30, 2011 at 10:37pm
Thank you Denise, I think you really have some helpful ideas, and I will give them a whirl.  Something has got to help.  You are so right about your sister and my mother - it was the same thing - a massive heart attack in her sleep.  For the first week I was begging God and my husband to wake me from this nightmare.  At least I know its real now, but now that it is real, it is really hopeless.
Comment by Denise Murphy on March 30, 2011 at 7:56pm

Hi Judy,

I lost my mom in 2005 after a year of her being sick with cancer and going for treatments.  She was my best friend and the center of our family, always at my house, there for every occasion. 
To lose your mom so suddenly has to be devastating, I lost my younger sister in July of 2010 suddenly, she had a massive heart attack in her sleep and left two children ages 9 and 10.  I went over it a million times in my head what I could have done to change things, it was the way I coped with such a sudden shock.  I felt as if my heart was broken, every time I looked at her children I wanted to cry and sometimes did.  I think for the first two months I cried everyday, not all day but I did do a lot of isolating.  One thing I did was write my sister a letter saying everything I wanted to say and I put it in my bible, when I'm really sad i take the letter out and read it, and it makes me feel better.  I also do a lot of journaling that helped me with my mom and it is helping me with my sister. Another thing I could suggest is doing a scrapbook about your mom , I have even made scapebook pages for my siblings, when they thank me I thank them because it was therapy for me.  You could even do something with the kids like making a stepping stone for your garden, or letting them pick out pictures of your mom and themselves to put in the scrapbook. I also went to the library and got books about grieving and specifically on the lose of a parent.   Remember you not only lost your mom you also lost a part of yourself, the self that had a mom.  I remember thinking I just want to be the person that I was before this happened, I want things to be normal again, it took me a while to realize I would never be that person again, and things would never be normal like it was, but for my mom I could be a better person.  That gave me a glimmer of hope, but I don't think anyone ever get's over it you get through it.  It does get better, I can't tell you how long because everyone is different grief has no timeline, just remember to take care of yourself and try to remember those great moments you shared with her, and what advice she would give you if she were here. 

Comment by Nancy Eve on March 30, 2011 at 10:29am

Judy -- I'm afraid I don't have any good news for you.  I moved in with my mom in 2002 to take care of her, and she died in June 2010.  Some days I don't think I can make it. She was my best friend, and I went to her with everything.  I don't know for sure, but it seems that having kids may give you something to live for.  They can become the people you know your mom would be proud of.  I guess at the same time,  it's probably hard to see them do things knowing that she would have liked to see them do it. 

 

I guess it all boils down to I don't really have any answers. There's lots of pain, and I miss her so much.  Someone told me to put one foot in front of the other, but many days that's too hard.  I do have days now that I smile.  I can talk to her and tell her how much she would have liked something that happened to me.  The tough part (and I guess the selfish part) is when I need her and she's not there.  I don;t feel like I can handle things on my own, but I guess I don't have a choice.  Since I don't have anyone to whom I'm responsible except my cats I usually just fall apart for a few days.  I resort to old behavor (I isolate, eat too much, and do other things that aren't so good for me) until I get it out of my system.

 

Sorry if this didn't help.  But after nine months it doesn't hurt enorously every moment of every day,  I can appreciate some of the fun times we've had together.  And even though I miss her horribly, I've been told I always will in somed way or another.  After all, she's my mom, and that's the best relationship I ever had.

 

Nancy

Comment by Judy on March 30, 2011 at 9:56am

My mom died suddenly on the 12th of March, just over 2 weeks ago.  I have 3 kids aged 2,4 and 8.  She was the center of our family.  My husband loved her and we saw her daily.  She wasn't feeling well, I called to say good night, we told each other we loved each other, I asked if she wanted to go to the hospital, she said no and that was it.  She didn't wake up the next day.  Its really easy for everyone to say how wonderful this death was because there was no suffering for her, and I would agree God was merciful in his plan with her, however, I feel as though my left side of my body is gone.  I go to call her, my 8 yr old asks to talk to her, the 2 yr old wants to talk to her on the phone.  I know this is a process, but I cannot take much more of this incessant pain coming over me in waves.  Anyone have any advice other than you will adapt, because if I hear that again, I pity the fool who says it.

 

Comment by katrina on March 28, 2011 at 5:03pm
I don't trust my family either.  While my mom was on the vent, my sister-in-law one of her DPOAs screamed are you suffering, do you want me to take you off this. She just wouldn't shut up until she convinced all the dpoas to take my mom off everthing.  There wasn't anything I could do.  I am sure sorry for what you went throught at the hospital.  Thats awful to bring guns into the hospital, and for someone to try and attack you.  My mom worked at the same hsopital. she died at.  She worked with her case manager before she retired,I know they did give her good care. Talking about disrespect, my family was very disrespectful to me.  Very hurtful. Only seen them 1 time since the funeral. Hang in there Reese.  Hope you are well.
Comment by katrina on March 25, 2011 at 9:06am
I know how you feel.  I talked to my mom all the time, espically when I had a crisis, or just to talk about nothing.  I am glad you and your family can work things out. My mom had a trailer it was in my brothers name, yesterday I received a paper from an attornety.  Stating he owned the property and a court date if i wanted to dispute it.  Didn't see that one coming.  I am not going to dispute it, his name on title. I am glad you were not hurt. I have had  a few drinks myself. Normally I don't drink.  Hang in there, If it can't get worse, it has to get better.
 

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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....
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