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Comment by Jaime Blythe on February 10, 2013 at 6:58pm

With this being the 1st valentines day, as well as the 1st birthday of my moms since her passing, as well as the first Easter in the family, how or should I ask what did you all do that made it a little bit easier to deal with?

My mom always had a traditional valentines dinner, which I am going to make this year for my dad, and my family. However, I just don't know what else to do to make these times any easier. Mom certainly left big shoes to fill and they will never be filled. I'm so tired of being sick, so tired of the nightmares, tired of being tired. Just want my life back the way it was, when it made sense. I don't know how to make sense of what is now my life. How have you all dealt with making life make sense again?

Thanks for your advise that you have sent already. It's very much appreciated and for once I don't feel so alone, nor crazy. Thank you for helping me to see that it's just the grieving process. God bless you all!

Comment by michael sandoval on February 10, 2013 at 2:18pm

My condolences to everyone.

I lost my mom on Sept 28 2012, at 12 noon and everyday I miss her.  She was an amazing wife, mom, grandmother, auntie, cousin and friend.  She is missed by so many, but i feel I am having the hardest time.  I was very close to my mom and i already suffer from PSTD from my wife's sudden death from colon cancer 3 and a half years ago.

God Bless everyone.

Comment by Ann on February 10, 2013 at 8:53am

I am an only child too Jamie but I have no spouse, no children.  So you can see why I am patiently waiting to be with my mom again.  Day after day I wait.

Comment by Mary on February 8, 2013 at 11:27pm

Wow Andrew, as I read your post it reminded me so much of my own mother.  She too followed the example of Jesus all her life.  She loved Jesus so much and God.  At her funeral mass the priest said that most people he's met, and including himself knew OF God and his son, but that my mom knew God and his son because she turned every aspect of her life over to him and trusted him like no other he'd ever met.  I miss her so very much.  It will be a year in March, yet I feel like I've been without her for so long.

Comment by Marie on February 8, 2013 at 3:01pm

I guess I would just say to take it minute by minute! Everyone always tells me, "take it day by day" but that is even too hard to do. I can be fine one minute and then I might see a car like hers, or someone might say the word "mom" in a conversation and I will turn into a complete mess!

Do not feel bad about crying! You have to grieve however your heart and mind tells you to. It is worse to try and "stay strong" because in the long run that grief is going to come out and it may end up being so much worse.

I totally relate to you with regards to being sick. It's been 2 years now (as of 2/23) and I am still seeing doctors regarding the many health problems that were brought on by my mom's illness and death - basically I stressed myself so much that I got high blood pressure, high cholesterol, I gained 15-20 lbs, I started losing my hair and had no energy.  I am finally regaining some of my health back...when people say "stress can kill you" they are not joking!

I really wish you all the best. Maybe it can give you some comfort in knowing that we all feel your pain, and we understand what you are going through.

Comment by Andrew Lilley on February 8, 2013 at 2:58pm

My mom passed away one year ago today, on February 8^th 2012 from cancer. I had been meaning to post a message on this site shortly after she passed but I never did. My mom was the sweetest and most loving lady in her 75 years on this earth. She did the Lord's work and was full of love. She was selfless and full of compassion toward her loving family and friends. I sorely miss my mom. There was an irrevocable change when she passed. I feel our family was closer when my mom was alive. She was the heart and soul that held the family together. I wish she can read this and still talk to me. It just isn't the same without having the moms around. She was always there for me. I made my first documentary film that I just finished in January and it is a shame that she did not see it when she was still alive. She would have been so happy and absolutely delighted to have seen the finished film. As it was, she only saw a rough edit that was only 15 minutes long before she passed away. I feel a part of me died with her, and there is a void that I have tried to fill with other things but I still have that feeling that a part of me is empty. My mom followed the example of Jesus in her life. She was not a phony person like so many people today. She was genuine, the real thing. She was different. She did not base her life on money or other material things that most people in this era equate with success. My mom was a success in her life because of her love. Love is probably the only absolute on this Earth. I pray my mom is in eternal bliss looking after me and my dad and my brother and his wife and children. We all miss her in a way that words will never adequately describe. Please spare a positive thought for my loving mom today.

Comment by Jaime Blythe on February 8, 2013 at 1:14pm

This will be the first valentines day without my mom.
On March 1st,my mom would have been celebrating her 55th birthday. I'm dreading valentines day, my moms birthday, and Easter. Last Easter my family and I had an awesome time having an Easter egg hunt with my daughter. I miss my moms cooking, her voice, her laugh, everything about her. There are many times I catch myself calling my mom to ask for parenting advice, or just to talk. The pain is still so raw, just like the day she passed. I've had so many people tell me not to cry, be strong for my dad, my daughter, and other family members like my aunt and cousins. One of my dads friends on the same day my mom died called me a selfish bitch for crying! When is it my turn to let out the pain? Ever since my mom died, on Tuesday, October 16, 2012, I've been very sick. I've had kidney stones, stomach viruses, sinus infections, vertigo, ovarian cysts, and other viruses that have been going around. I'm so exhausted all the time. The picture on my profile is of me and my mom from my and my husbands tenth anniversary vow renewal, which was held only three days after we got the news of my mom having stage 4 liver cancer. I need advise on how to deal with the pain of losing my mom. For two weeks after my mom was buried I was going to her grave almost everyday, but now that her stone has been placed I just can't bring myself to go. I must be the worst daughter ever to not go to my moms grave. It's been to hard to even go to my parents house, I feel like I will go in and she will be sitting there, even though I know in my head that she's gone. I was raised that birthdays are special, and on all of my birthdays my mom would call me at the exact time of my birth to say happy birthday, and I would always tell her happy Labor Day since she went through all that labor to have me. When my 31st birthday came on Dec. 11, it didn't feel special in any way. My husband, daughter, my dad, and my best friend and her family celebrated with a cake for my birthday, but it just didn't feel right. Will this pain ever ease? Please if any of you would give me advise on how to deal with this, it would be very much appreciated. Thanks for reading my post, and for help.

Comment by Melisa C on February 8, 2013 at 7:07am

Mornings are just so hard. I get up to go to work and mom's not there to say bye to me. I would call her a couple of times from work so we could share what we were doing in that moment.

Going back to the apartment is also awful. For the first days I could imagine she'd be there waiting for me and we'd have lunch, now I just walk slowly because I know I'll be alone.

I'm left looking at pictures of her, after sharing all my life with her. Yesterday I slept all afternoon after getting home from work. Seems sleep is one of the few comforts left. I'm thinking of seeing a therapist but haven't gotten an appointment yet. This is more than I can bear.

Comment by Marie on February 7, 2013 at 10:04pm

Birthdays are so hard...both mine and moms. My birthday was really only special to her and me. Her birthday is HER birthday. Both of these days are so hard for me to endure. Two weeks from now it will be 2 years since her death and I still find it so hard to cope. No one gets it. I have 2 siblings and we are fine but I was her caretaker, I was always the "responsible" one. I just feel like no one understands what I am going through.

There is no question that I am keeping my moms house and I do not care what my brother or sister say. The house is how she left it and that comforts me.

Comment by Eliza on February 7, 2013 at 2:34pm

Next week will be my first birthday without my mom. Every year, even into my adult years, she would make me a heart-shaped cake. I will miss that this year. On another note, the Christmas Cactus plant she gave me two years ago just bloomed again: maybe it's my birthday present.

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