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Comment by michael sandoval on February 14, 2013 at 12:58am

It'll be 5 months since I lost my mom and it is not getting any easier.  I miss my mom so much, i can't describe it.  I'm the only one that is really suffering, other than my dad, but he doesn't talk much.  But i can tell he misses my mom a lot.  They were married 61 years, so i know he misses her.

God bless everyone,

Take care and much love,

Mike

Comment by Christina on February 14, 2013 at 12:26am

It's been 3 1/2 yrs and I can't bring myself to go anywhere near mom cards..I cringe buying my daughter cards because they are always side by side. My husband has to buy his mom all of her cards now too, I used to do that, but I can't do it anymore.

Comment by Marie on February 13, 2013 at 8:50pm

Sorry Denise, my prayers are with you. This place has helped me SOOO much because I am realizing that I am not alone or crazy to think or feel the way I do. I cannot believe the common threads we all share. Jennifer, I too had to drive through McDonald's experience during my mom's chemo days. She wanted a big mac. I never eat that crap. But I got one for her and for me and we sat in the car at the hospital parking lot eating our crap food just moments before taking her to one of her last treatments. Now that is a moment I treasure and I would eat a million big macs to have her back.

And I still cannot go in the mom card section of any store. One day shortly after she died, in Rite Aid, I started sobbing right there in the mom birthday section. People were looking but I really did not care.

Comment by Melisa C on February 13, 2013 at 8:18am

Me too, I'm an only child, single and no children. I guess that's why the loss of my mom felt like crashing into a wall. I was thinking of some things she did, like looking into a scar I had and telling that after all this time it was still red... holding my hand and checking how my rash was doing... worrying about what I eat/not eat. 

Stuff that I'll never have again. Someone caring like that.

Comment by Judy on February 13, 2013 at 12:09am

I'm a childless only child, too. I still have my dad, bless his heart. I know he hurts terribly, but he soldiers on by keeping busy. I also think those, "last-time-I-did-X, Mother-was-here" things, Marie. There is always something that makes me miss my mother every single day. I talk to her sometimes. I guess that's ridiculous, but it helps.

Comment by Marie on February 12, 2013 at 8:25pm

Yeah I am not married and have no children, so I understand totally. I guess the one thing that keeps me going is that I want to make her proud of me, and I want to live up to what she raised me to be. Trust me, if I did not make HER the purpose of my life, I would have completely lost it by now.

Comment by Ann on February 12, 2013 at 12:36am

I have no advice on how to go on because I am stuck, not wanting to live in a world without my mom.  I think, if you have children, you must go on for them because you are the most important person in their lives. If you are alone, like me, I have no advice.

Comment by Marie on February 11, 2013 at 10:54pm

I often have those same thoughts like the last time I did X my mom was here. And I still go through the firsts, She has been gone two years this month and those stiuations still arise. I fear the day when I cannot recall her voice or her laugh. That is what scares me the most. The more time passes the more I fear that I will forget her. My mom was only 54 when she died. We are close in age, Only 19 years apart, so we were like sisters....best friends. I miss her so much.

Comment by Melisa C on February 11, 2013 at 5:36am

It's hard to understand how, when they are not here, we must go on. We have to cook, clean, go on with  our lives but they are not here and they won't come back. I know that's the way life is, but it seems so unfair!

Comment by Judy on February 11, 2013 at 12:45am

Hi, Jaime -- Your mother died so very young. I'm so sorry you have to go through this pain. The sorrow is beyond description, and there is no way to predict how you will feel from one minute to the next. It sounds like you're being really hard on yourself -- expecting yourself to be able to go to her burial site, having difficulty being able to go into your parents home, trying to "replace" her for your family by preparing Valentine's dinner, etc. These are very hard things to do, and everyone has a different timetable. If you can, just have to let things develop as they will, and give yourself permission to feel what you feel in that moment. There are no rules, no "shoulds." The special days -- her birthday, your birthday, Easter, etc. are so memory-laden that you can probably expect yourself to react emotionally. I know I have. There's just no way to escape it. Your physical health will suffer if you try to be everything for everyone, and also if you don't let yourself have your feelings. A friend on mine told me to set aside time for grieving everyday. I thought that was the weirdest advice I'd ever heard. But she was right. I can't say that I've been able to do that on schedule, but I can tell when the grief builds up and needs to be released. So, I watch the DVD of photos my dad & I put together for her service. I am always surprised at how much I've stuffed inside. Just know you're not alone with the pain. The folks on this board have really been helpful to me.

 

Wow, Michael. I didn't realize you'd lost your wife, too. That's just awful. It's a big burden to carry on top of also losing your mother. Please know that you have my deepest condolences. Your mom's death must be so hard for you. God bless you, too.

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