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Comment by Jaime Blythe on March 15, 2013 at 5:51pm

Everything here lately has been so scary. Tomorrow it will be 5 months since my mom died from liver cancer. I've been going through so much health problems since. I've had a endometrial biopsy done this past Monday. The doctor is concerned that I may have endometrial cancer, or endometriosis. Next week I go to get the results and either way no matter what the results are, scheduling surgery. It will just depend on what surgery will be done depending on the results. I'm 31 yrs do, and my daughter turned 5 on October 15, my mom died the next morning. I'm so scared. I wish my mom was here to help me through this. I have no idea how to explain this to my daughter of needing surgery. She has no idea of the possible cancer. It's already been so rough to deal with losing my mom, not sure how to deal with any of this.

Comment by Mary on March 15, 2013 at 11:09am

Next Thursday will mark the 1 year anniversary of my mom's passing and I just wanted to come on here and maybe be able to help some who have just recently been through the loss.  Diana-my mom was my best friend in the whole world and I miss her sooo much.  I agree about the pain hitting hardest at nighttime, but as the months wane away, that nighttime pain does fade, doesn't go away-I just cried last nite but not as long and not as hard. Cindy, I truly understand what you are going through as we are preparing my moms house for listing. At first I did want it to be sold, but I soon realized that mom would not want the love and peace in her home to evaporate with her passing, but for her home to be filled with new life, new love, new blessings-that just add to those of hers that already exist there. Shawna-your children can know your mom through you and through all of the wonderful memories and stories that you can share with them.  I learned so much of my own grandmother through stories and memories shared, I'd know her in a heartbeat! Amanda- I guess I can relate to much of what you posted as I too felt so alone even with a husband and 2 grown children living at home. I have cried everyday after her passing for some time.  As the months progressed, the crying lessened. Mom was my best friend. We too were very close, and I also played the last week of her life through my head and hated that I just could not get that image out my my head of her dying. It finally went away and was replaced with a much happier image of her. I felt guilty smiling or having a good time too and that too  will weaken and go away and you will go on with your life the way your mom would want you too, but it takes time.

What I have learned over this past year is that cancer sucks! Losing my mom was the hardest thing I have EVER gone through and yet I have survived so I know I have the same moxy my mom had! Grief has no timeline, there's no set time limit on grief, there's no set rules of what one will go through or how one will feel or how one will get through it, but there is one thing for sure-you can't get through it alone..you need your friends and family, and you need this online support group!! It was  my lifesaver when I needed it the most!  Even though I know none of you personally, I feel I can call you "friends" as we have something indeed very special in common-we ALL loved our moms so very very much and we ALL miss our moms so very very much, and our moms watch over us..together!  Have a blessed day everyone!

Comment by Diana on March 15, 2013 at 2:49am

Its been almost seven months since I lost my mother to cancer and heart disease.My mother has high blood pressure for years and then here comes the cancer. I blame the cancer more than the high blood pressure for my mother's demise. After being diagnosed with the cancer and going through radiation and chemo, she died six months later My mother was my best friend in the whole world. I miss her sooooooo bad. The pain still hits the hardest at nighttime when my mind is idle. I do try to stay as busy as possible during the day. I've only had about three dreams about her since her passing away. ( In the dream, she always says that she's gonna take a cab home instead of her taking her home. Now I know that I can't give her a ride to heaven and that's why the dreams ends like that).

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on March 14, 2013 at 3:28pm

mercy if your there, send me a message....I miss you and we haven't talked....rach

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on March 14, 2013 at 3:28pm

hello all, well yesterday was a hard day....I listened to my mom's memorial service on a tape, and it hit me hard....ive been  missing her a lot, I know I needed to do it to get it out, the grief, but it was so hard to hear....I was on there doing a eulogy for her, it was just so hard....I miss her so much, she just had a birthday, she would have been 83....I suffer with depression, but thinking of her keeps me strong.....I ove you mom and miss you more than I can say....I wish you were here :)

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on March 13, 2013 at 10:01pm

I miss my Mom.  That is all I want to say right now.  I just want to say "I miss you, Mom."  I hope that wherever you are that you are at peace and safe and happy and that you will always be that way.  I also hope that I will see you again one day.  I love you.

Oh, and my Mom's birthday just passed, so "Happy Birthday Mom".

Comment by Cindy Czarnecki on March 12, 2013 at 8:03am

It has been 5 months since I lost my mom and it gets harder every day.  I am an only child.  I have a wonderful husband and a 20 year old son who is away at college and a 17 year old daughter, yet I feel I am alone.  My dad passed away when I was 19 so it has been mom and I for the past 32 years.  I feel like no one understands what I am going through.  Right now I am putting off going to mom's house to clean out the dining room and kitchen.  We are listing her house for sale on Thursday and I am sick about it.  Every time I open the door I expect to see her walk toward it with her cane and a big smile.  I feel like I need to feel her presence there just one more time before other people start coming into it.  I have been just going through the motions of life the past 5 months, just want to get done what has to be done.  I miss mom sooo much and just do what I have to get through the day.  I hope I have the strength to get through the sale of her house.

Comment by Amanda on March 11, 2013 at 5:20am

This is my first post. It's nice to know there is people out there that know what I am feeling because I have been feeling so alone even with a husband and 2 kids.
I'm 30 and I have no mom. I have cried everyday since she passed which was August 10, 2012. She was my best friend. We were very close. But, I do play the last week of her life through my head a lot. Yet, we had a billion memories and fun times! I hate that I keep seeing her dying! I hate that I feel guilty of smiling or having a good time. Even though she specifically told me not to feel like that. My kids are 3 and 9 months and I hate they are missing out on one of the best grandmas. Part of me says at least she got to meet them but, I know my 9 month old wont have any memories of her. I planned a trip to Florida in may but that was my moms favorite vacation and I'm afraid the whole time ill be thinking of her. I miss her so much it literally hurts!

Comment by Lisa S on March 9, 2013 at 11:58pm

Nancy, Melissa....I so relate to your recent comments....it is comforting to not feel so alone and to realize that I am not crazy for not getting over the huge whole left in my life...how very sad for all of us though, that we just have to accept that our lives are changed forever and the simple joys in life (birthdays, holidays, graduations, a beautiful sunny or rainy day etc) will never be the same. I have always been known for being a positive and optimistic person....now I am sad and lonely without mom (even with 2 kids and a husband who are very sad too, and deserve more from me). It's been a little over 3 years and the enormous hole left in my life with the absence of such a loving mother and grandmother is NOT FAIR. I still want to wake up and have the nightmare be over. But instead do what everyone else does, just get up and go through the motions of life...for what...to wait for the next loved one to die...perhaps I need to go to church and find a purpose for all of this...I am finding it hard to see Gods purpose....He lost His Son in a horrible way I get that....you and I had nothing to do with that...so why continue to allow generation after generation to suffer. It just doesn't seem very loving to me...no offense intended to God...just speaking from my heart....

Comment by Melisa C on March 9, 2013 at 8:04am

It'll be 2 months next week. Nothing's the same. My life, or me, I'm not the same person I was when she was here. I just feel so far away from mom, from the life we shared together. I'd like to know where she is, if she is alright and if she hears me when I talk to her.

 Life was so different back then, I don't know how are we supposed to go on when someone so beautiful, such a big and important part of life is missing! I don't want to drift away from her through the next years, just like that. It's hard to take in the new reality, I don't like it at all.

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