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Comment by Eliza on June 4, 2013 at 2:40pm

Coming up on 6 months since Mom passed on, and I see more light than darkness. I am checking in to tell all of you that are in the early stages, the middle stages, the late stages--wherever you are in your grief process--it does get easier. Two months ago I was in the worst, blackest cloud of depression that I have ever experienced in my life. I truly felt that life would never get better and I would never get through the loss of my dear mom. I am now taking medication (an anti-depressant) and working with a counselor, and while I am sad and still miss my mom, I am no longer crippled or overwhelmed with my grief. I can eat, sleep, and take care of myself. I can think of my mom and smile. I still have waves of grief come over me--that is part of the process--but I am learning how to cope with it and allow this process to happen. I will always miss my mom. But it is getting a little bit easier. I know that I will never "get over" her death. When you lose someone close to you--someone who meant the world to you--I don't think you ever "get over" it. You learn how to move through your grief and live in a way that honors them. I love you, Mom. I miss you.

Comment by Jennifer Blackwood on June 3, 2013 at 7:22pm

I know right! People say that people who have passed get to see their grandchildren or family members before they are born, but even if that's true, it's still not the same without her here! I have no interest in dating or starting a family..it's kinda hard seeing myself being happy without her!

Comment by Kristin Renee on June 3, 2013 at 5:01pm

 My Mom and I would always visit my nieces and nephew together, so that if they ever saw us apart they'd ask where the other was. Whenever I visit now, they ask "Where's Grandma?" and it's so hard because they're so young I worry they'll forget... I know they will. They had come to visit her in the hospital a few days before and that's the last time they'll ever see her. I have no kids of my own and I agree that now I don't know if I ever could because I need my Mom so much! How could I ever do any of it without her? She supported me through everything and that source of unconditional love and guidance in the world is gone. I just want to talk to her so bad.

Comment by Muuna on June 3, 2013 at 2:40pm

Exactly Jennifer, and I share similar feelings about having kids. Just the other day I was saying your exact words.. I don't wanna have kids without her :( I'm not even sure how i'll date without her my hearts so broken I feel like there's no point.

My 22nd birthday is coming up and we were supposed to do something special because it falls on the 22nd of June but on the 27th we'll be counting the third month that she's been gone :(

Comment by Jennifer Blackwood on June 3, 2013 at 2:25pm

Aww that is so sad Amanda, I thought I was pregnant before my Mom passed and she was so excited about that! I'm really glad I wasn't now..I don't want to have children without her!:/

Muuna, yeah I understand the mixed emotions. It's like we want them here desperately but we couldn't ask them to come back if we could because they are better off than we are now. They are finally at peace!

Comment by Muuna on June 3, 2013 at 2:00pm

I ask "why" too, it all just happened so fast. I dint have time to think death was even a possibilty .I have very extreme mixed emotions... I am heartbroken beyond human understanding but sometimes I remember how cruel and sad and lonely the world can be and while the person who made everthing better may not be here for me anymore, she is safe and protected from it all where she is.

Comment by Jennifer Blackwood on June 3, 2013 at 1:42pm

I totally agree with you Amanda! I always wonder 'why' even though I'll never know the answer!:'( I do get angry, and sometimes I think too much because I know a lot of people who wish death on their parents, and while our relationship may have been rocky at times, I would have never wished this..NOT EVER!

Comment by Amanda on June 3, 2013 at 1:42pm

I'm having a really difficult day. My 2-year-old keeps asking to see his Nana, and I'm so worn out from explaining that she's dead, so we can't play with her anymore. I've just about finished decorating the nursery, and it breaks my heart that my mom will never see it...she was so excited for this new baby. I want to talk to her so badly, and I miss her so much! I still can't wrap my head around the fact that she's gone.

Comment by Muuna on June 3, 2013 at 12:44pm

Oh Dear LORD I miss her, its too painful :(( its so unfair.

Comment by Jeff R on June 3, 2013 at 10:14am

Fate is a cruel mistress...my Dad passed away just when he turned 50yrs old; I was just a kid.  But, my Mom more than made up for it until she passed away in February at 86yrs.  It is hard to care for elderly parents when they become ill and it can be quite expensive; I get it.  But, once they are gone, it's just a huge void.

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