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Comment by Leila on March 2, 2017 at 3:03pm

Olive, Bluebell, and Theresa,
Thank you so much for your kind words and reassurance. Guilt is such a difficult thing to let go of, and it seems I can find so many things to feel guilty about when it comes to my mom's illness and last weeks of her life. I'm not sure why, because she was the most loving person on the planet and would never want me to feel that way.

Jeff, I know what you mean about always thinking you have more time. I always thought there was more time with my mom, which I guess was just wishful thinking or me being in denial. In truth, you never actually know when will be the last time you hear a loved ones dear voice or see them alive and well. The last time I heard my mother speak was the day they transported her from the hospital to the hospice center. I never dreamed she wouldn't open her eyes or speak again after they started hospice care. We really didn't leave much unsaid. We always expressed our love for each other, but If I'd only known that would be the last time I could say some of things I still wanted to say to her! I cry just thinking about it.

Comment by John Doe on March 1, 2017 at 5:44pm

Its been almost 3 years and the nightmare just doesnt end.

Someone saw Buffy Season 6? Thats how I feel. Like I'm already dead.

Comment by BLUEBELL on March 1, 2017 at 3:54pm

Nancy, You took wonderful care of your Mom. Each time you did these things for her, you did it out of love. She was blessed to have a licensed nurse for a daughter as was my Mom. They both had better and longer lives because of us.

Bluebell

Comment by Jeff R on March 1, 2017 at 9:49am

Then at the end of 2013, I had to take charge of my elderly aunt (Mom's older sister) who took a bad fall resulting in the acceleration of her dementia.  I think that took up all of my mental focus until she passed in late 2015.  Now, free of all eldercare "burdens", i wistfully think of better times when they were healthy and active and part of my life.  But, the world does move on, no matter what.

Comment by Jeff R on March 1, 2017 at 9:47am

Feb 12 was 4 years since my mom passed in 2013.  How did that time go oh so quickly?  Mom had been sick and declining over the last 5 years, but you always think you HAVE MORE TIME.  it's almost always unexpected, even if you have been steeling yourself for it.  Sudden or unexpected deaths are worse....I had that w/my Dad when I was very young.  Still, you retain that emptiness no matter what the circumstances.

Comment by Jeff R on March 1, 2017 at 9:43am

Nancy, not sure what state you live in, but when a dog bites someone it is usually quarantined immediately....not just returned to the owners.  And, you should report your neighbor's threat to the police, so it is on record...file a complaint.  People like that should not own dogs.

Comment by Theresa on March 1, 2017 at 5:31am

Nancy, it is sad look how angry the owner of that dog is, no wonder why the dog acted out.  I was bitten by my neighbors dog three weeks ago, and the neighbor yelled at me of course

Bluebell I have practiced Hatha yoga for several years, the studio is heated to about 110 degrees, it has helped me a great deal.

God Bless everyone today is Ash Wednesday.

Comment by Heather on February 28, 2017 at 11:18pm

Oh Nancy! How awful! I hope you didn't get hurt too badly:-(... it is terrible that your neighbor cares more about their dog than the person that their dog hurt! But dogs are a product of their environment and who owns them. Anyone else witness the threat that they made to you? Thinking if you, sending hugs...

Comment by Leila on February 28, 2017 at 11:13pm

Bluebell,
Your mom was absolutely blessed to have had you as a caregiver. Your job is a true calling. I am a Critical Care RN (no longer working). I have been with many patients/families at the time of death, but nothing prepared me for losing my mom. I was obsessed with my mom receiving perfect care during her last weeks. I cry every time I think about this, but I feel like I wasted time trying to sanitize her room, protect her from infection, obsess over her skin care, turning q2h etc... I should have spent every one of those precious moments interacting with her. I have so many regrets over this and am ashamed of myself.

Theresa,
How incredibly insensitive this man at your grief support group was to say this to you. I totally agree with you, by the way. The age of your lovely one makes no difference at all. My mom was 86. Of she had been 115 it would have been just as devastating.

Comment by Leila on February 28, 2017 at 11:11pm

Hi. I've been away for a couple of days. I was attacked by my neighbors Pit Bull on my own front porch. I am still shaken up. The police returned the animal to the neighbors with a warning to repair their fence. The neighbor came over and instead of apologizing they threatened to beat me up if I ever called the police about their dog again. I want my mom so much. I just want to cry and cry.

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