I am a married, 52 year old mother of 5 (empty nester).
About my Loss:
I lost my 86 year old mother (BEST mother EVER) just a few hours ago at a Hospice center. She had Stage 4 Melanoma with mets to the brain. I prayed and prayed for a miracle. We were extremely close. I still feel a little numb. I'm afraid of how I'll feel when it wears off. The way she passed in Hospice haunts me. She was transferred there after a change in her neurological status. Docs told us she had only a few days and encouraged transfer to the Hospice facility. She was there 10 days. I never heard her voice again or saw her eyes open from the time she arrived and they started the morphine and Ativan. I'm glad she did not suffer pain, but it was torture to see the way she gradually wasted and her systems failed. I feel like the worst daughter in the world. I miss her so much. I want my mother back.
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Nancy I fell and ended up in the ER. Nothing broken thankfully lots of pain and swelling. Not a great summer. The very first person I wanted to call was my mother. I really have no one other than my husband to call and he was working so...What to do with out him? Mother was my everything. I love my husband and we know the drill once admitted for x rays and what is really bad and scary and what we can deal with. I still felt sad that I could not call my mother. 3.5 years and still feel lost without mother.
Nancy, your post was the first I read when I came to this site a few days ago... and it reminded me so much of my Mom's ordeal :( I'm so sorry about your Mom. My Mom was 80yo soon to be 81yo. She was doing fine when her doctor put her on this new drug for Hepatitis C and she got super sick from it and never recovered, and ended up having a massive acute stroke on 10/6/14. We had to decide if we were going to put a feeding tube in her and transfer her to a long term care facility. ... but she was unconscious and they said would never wake up. We chose to put her on Hospice and I feel like you do like I watched her for seven days without water or food :( It haunts me too. My sweet sweet Mom. I don't know how to do this anymore than you do and I'm going on 17months without her. Just wanted to know that while reading your story is incredibly sad, it's comforting to know that we are not the only ones dealing with these losses. I know it's part of life, and I know we knew our mother's wouldn't live forever, but it sure doesn't take the pain away. Hugs and prayers to you. Jane.
Nancy, I"m so sorry for the loss of your mom. You did the best you could in such a difficult situation. Try not to be too hard on yourself. Almost everyone feels like "what if I had done this instead of that?" I was very close to my mom too. She was my best friend, and I was her only child. The medicine her doctor prescribed, and which I made her faithfully take every day, caused her to have a brain bleed and she died. The guilt I feel/felt is horrible! But I try to forgive myself. I'm only human, did what her doctors told me was best. Anyway, sending a hug to you, may you find comfort and peace. Isaiah 25:8, " God will swallow up death FOREVER, and the Sovereign Lord will wipe the tears from all faces..."
Nancy , I truly relate to your experience . My brother and I are traumatized over how my mom suffered for one month in the hospital and 3 weeks of torture in the Icu. We were so sad that we never able to know her wishes once she was intubated. After her trach, she was highly medicated and never saw her eyes open again . The trauma of all her body failure slipping and all the theatrics of the nurses and docs made me cringe and hate . At some point I will try counseling because I just can't fathom why God would allow such a innocent elderly woman suffer the way she did.
Well I am an engineering major so inclined towards Math. I always wanted to do a PhD in Math and I got so involved in industry that I did not get around to doing it but it remains my passion. I wish I was a high level mathematician but am not, got into the 'real world'.
I have been taking it day to day and week to week too for two years now and surviving. Its a daze but slowly I have been able to get a few things done in the last two years, even though I have avoided a full-time job.
Dear Nancy sorry about your loss. You tried your best,but at that stage nothing seems enough. Even I suffer from the guilt of having not done enough for my mom.18th April was my Mom's 64th birthday. WE have to live with this. MAY her soul rest in peace. You take care.
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I have noticed lately that i am having dreams with re-occuring teams.
my wife leaving (though some circumstance) and having greater responsibilities to look after others..
are other experiencing dreams with constant team's ?
"Joe: I'm with you on the signs. I was positive my husband would send me signs. I've read many books where people say it happens. It's not a bird or a butterfly, but they actual see and hear their loved…"
"Geraldine, it'll be five months on Thursday that my Darling died in my arms. I know she loved me with all her heart and if she could she would send me a sign. I'm convinced that she can't. I just hope that she can…"
"Connie, I hope your mom is okay. I know how hard it is when another family member is ill.Our son's birthday was last Thursday (June 14). The 8th without him. And on Friday the 15th, my only sibling, my brother passed. …"
"B. Windsor, I am so happy for you that you finally were able to see and visit with your grandson. I hope it brought you some peace and happiness, and I hope you will be able to have a good relationship with him."
"Hello. Where has everyone gone? I don't ever remember it being so quiet here. I would like to think that is a good sign, but fearful that the newbies are being ignored.This place was a place of comfort and understanding when I…"
"I haven't posted in awhile. May 26 was the 7 year date of my sons death and June 2 would have been his 23rd birthday, Gabriel was kind thoughtful and a pure joy to everyone he met. this life and the grieving have been very cyclical and when I…"
"Great words Bluebell.
I did not even leave my job as you and Virginia did so I have more reasons to feel guilty. I did not even tall to her enough before her illness.
But as Bluebell said guilt has life of its own. "
"Its been a long long road since the day my husband died. I cannot lie. This is not getting any easier. Instead of being in such a fog about what to do next I have more clarity as to what things are going to be like and I dont like…"
""I quit my job and had the most important job, to take care of her. She gave me life and took care of me my whole life, only for me to fail her when she needed me. But what do I do with this guilt? How do I punish…"
"Virginia, I never, ever want to give anyone the impression that I did everything right. And I got way too much praise through mom's illness and after her death. I knew better. They were right about one thing. I sure loved my mom. I could have…"