Nancy Dynes
  • Female
  • Goose Creek, SC
  • United States
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About Me:
I am a married, 52 year old mother of 5 (empty nester).
About my Loss:
I lost my 86 year old mother (BEST mother EVER) just a few hours ago at a Hospice center. She had Stage 4 Melanoma with mets to the brain. I prayed and prayed for a miracle. We were extremely close. I still feel a little numb. I'm afraid of how I'll feel when it wears off. The way she passed in Hospice haunts me. She was transferred there after a change in her neurological status. Docs told us she had only a few days and encouraged transfer to the Hospice facility. She was there 10 days. I never heard her voice again or saw her eyes open from the time she arrived and they started the morphine and Ativan. I'm glad she did not suffer pain, but it was torture to see the way she gradually wasted and her systems failed. I feel like the worst daughter in the world. I miss her so much. I want my mother back.

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At 8:56pm on September 12, 2016, Jean said…

Nancy I fell and ended up in the ER. Nothing broken thankfully lots of pain and swelling. Not a great summer. The very first person I wanted to call was my mother. I really have no one other than my husband to call and he was working so...What to do with out him? Mother was my everything. I love my husband and we know the drill once admitted for x rays and what is really bad and scary and what we can deal with. I still felt sad that I could not call my mother. 3.5 years and still feel lost without mother.

At 7:13pm on March 2, 2016, Jane said…

Nancy, your post was the first I read when I came to this site a few days ago... and it reminded me so much of my Mom's ordeal :(  I'm so sorry about your Mom.  My Mom was 80yo soon to be 81yo.  She was doing fine when her doctor put her on this new drug for Hepatitis C and she got super sick from it and never recovered, and ended up having a massive acute stroke on 10/6/14.  We had to decide if we were going to put a feeding tube in her and transfer her to a long term care facility.  ... but she was unconscious and they said would never wake up.  We chose to put her on Hospice and I feel like you do like I watched her for seven days without water or food :(  It haunts me too.  My sweet sweet Mom.  I don't know how to do this anymore than you do and I'm going on 17months without her.  Just wanted to know that while reading your story is incredibly sad, it's comforting to know that we are not the only ones dealing with these losses.  I know it's part of life, and I know we knew our mother's wouldn't live forever, but it sure doesn't take the pain away.  Hugs and prayers to you.   Jane.

At 7:39pm on January 4, 2016, Felicia said…

Nancy, I"m so sorry for the loss of your mom. You did the best you could in such a difficult situation. Try not to be too hard on yourself.  Almost everyone feels like "what if I had done this instead of that?"  I was very close to my mom too. She was my best friend, and I was her only child.  The medicine her doctor prescribed, and which I made her faithfully take every day, caused her to have a brain bleed and she died. The guilt I feel/felt is horrible! But I try to forgive myself. I'm only human, did what her doctors told me was best. Anyway, sending a hug to you, may you find comfort and peace. Isaiah 25:8, " God will swallow up death FOREVER, and the Sovereign Lord will wipe the tears from all faces..."

At 7:30pm on August 27, 2015, Angela smith said…

Nancy ,  I  truly  relate to your  experience .  My brother  and  I are traumatized  over how my mom suffered  for one month  in the hospital  and 3 weeks  of torture  in the Icu. We were so sad that we never able  to  know  her wishes  once she was intubated. After her trach, she was highly  medicated and never saw her eyes  open  again .  The trauma  of all her body  failure  slipping  and all the theatrics of the nurses and docs made me cringe  and hate . At some  point  I will  try counseling  because  I just  can't  fathom why God would  allow  such a innocent  elderly  woman  suffer the  way she  did.

At 8:15am on July 4, 2015, Danny said…

Hi Nancy,

Well I am an engineering major so inclined towards Math. I always wanted to do a PhD in Math and I got so involved in industry that I did not get around to doing it but it remains my passion.  I wish I was a high level mathematician but am not, got into the 'real world'.

I have been taking it day to day and week to week too for two years now and surviving.  Its a daze but slowly I have been able to get a few things done in the last two years, even though I have avoided a full-time job.

Take care of yourself and your son and talk soon.

danny

At 5:19am on May 1, 2015, pushpa said…
Dear Nancy sorry about your loss. You tried your best,but at that stage nothing seems enough. Even I suffer from the guilt of having not done enough for my mom.18th April was my Mom's 64th birthday. WE have to live with this. MAY her soul rest in peace. You take care.
 
 
 

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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....
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7 hours ago
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thank you Joe for your posts. In a weird way it gives me a lift.  How?  Because I know that I am not making up how hard this suffering is.   My closest friend and sibling also know how I feel about dying and I know I would not have to…"
8 hours ago
Monty commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"joe that is incredible. thanks for the time and energy sharing. i think ill look at some of your suggestions and see what will work for me. for me this week has been hard. 1 week until first anniversary of her death, i don't know what to…"
10 hours ago
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Read second post first Morgan. Had to break it up into two parts and did it backwards."
11 hours ago
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
""As the years are passing I feel the need more and more." When I read some of you guys suffering so long, it gives me great fear that despite my health neglect, and legal preparations, I don't know when it will actually come to…"
11 hours ago
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Joe, "I read your words and it brings me to my knees."  I keep asking God to let me go many times a day.  I tell Him/Her/It that I will never relent until my prayer is answered.  I ask my love to keep asking too and have…"
11 hours ago
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thanks Bluebird for nice comment about my Julian. He was so caring and was my rock. Being with him for 24/7 for 13 years of our retirement was bliss, I thank God for this time together.  Morgan & Joe I keep believing there is eternal love…"
15 hours ago
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Joe, I read your words and it brings me to my knees.  I so want to join my husband.  As the years are passing I feel the need more and more.  I am not sure I understand totally how your OBE has given you more faith that somehow we…"
17 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Pamela, you are grieving for your mother. You may not be able to see it but I can. My father was horrible. I did not grieve his death. I barely gave it a second thought. You are grieving your mom, and you are grieving the way things were. The advice…"
17 hours ago
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda, Your Julian looks like such a nice man in that photo; what a lovely smile! Joe, Thank you so much for your kind words. I hope you are right."
19 hours ago
Pamela philipp commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I lost my mother on 9-6-15 eight days before I lost my husband on 9-14-15 and I feel horrible because I am struggling with how I am grieving for my mother because we had a very strained relationship because my mother was an alcoholic all her life…"
19 hours ago
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Dear Bluebird, It is impossible for us to know for absolutely sure what exactly happens when we die.  Oh, how I would love her to appear before me and tell me she's here and waiting for me, but I also know that she can't do that…"
21 hours ago
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Bluebird, I am so glad that the folks on this forum feel the same way I do. Society is always trying to label people, if we don't agree with them they think we are weird or crazy. My sweet Husband Julian taught me to ignore what other people…"
23 hours ago
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Sorry, I meant Linda and Monty and Joe."
yesterday
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I fully agree with you both, Linda and Monty. My deep and abiding grief is the only response I could possibly have to my husband's death. My soulmate was torn from me, and I don't know if his wonderful soul still exists, or if I will ever…"
yesterday
Daylight commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi Avi, it would be nice to have a friend. The time gap is big but we can agree on a time to talk. Keeping busy also functions for me. Anyways, as soon as I have free time the thoughts and feelings came back and grief hits so hard. I wish you have a…"
yesterday
Daylight commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"M Adams , I hope this feeling of desolation lessens in time. It is an extremely hard process. Unbearable at times. I hope you are doing well."
yesterday
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi Daylight India is 8.30 hours ahead of Argentina. We can talk at your early morning whenever you want.  Feeling of desolation still exists for me but I try to be strong and do things (work, travel, eating etc) with sincerity. "
yesterday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Agreed, Daylight.  I often think about how appalled my mom and my husband would be by my current state.  But I would say that the feeling of total desolation will change, based on my experience with my husband’s death, thirty months…"
yesterday

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