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Comment by Crystal K on January 4, 2018 at 2:17am

Thank you bluebell and Sherri. Hugs to everyone :( 

Comment by Sherri on January 3, 2018 at 8:33pm

Hello Everyone I've been reading everyone post and thinking very much about all of us during these times and praying for everyone glad to see you guys made it through in your own way. I know our Mom would have wanted it. I also know how tough it was I understand that. I just wanted everyone to know I was thinking of you   

Sherri

Comment by BLUEBELL on January 3, 2018 at 9:08am

You are in my prayers Crystal. You are not alone in how you feel.

Big warm hug

Bluebell

Comment by Crystal K on January 3, 2018 at 3:36am

Hi everyone. Havent been on in awhile. Visited my mom’s grave over christmas. She’s buried in a different country alongside her mom. Being back home is like losing her all over again. Trying to get back in the routine, being reminded of her by everything, everywhere I go. Six months this month since I lost her. But the pain still so overwhelming. I just wish my grandma was alive cause she was the closest person to me, next to my mom. Now I feel like I have noone. Feel like a 12 year old kid again. Miss how my mom always checked up on me, called to ask if i had any dinner, and calling on sundays asking me to go to church with her. Noone calls me anywhere other than the usual checkins. God, I feel so alone. Never realized that my mom was the only person that truly cared about me until she was gone :(  Now Im alone. 

Comment by Kelli on January 2, 2018 at 1:41pm

Thank u @ THERESA & BLUEBELL

Comment by BLUEBELL on January 2, 2018 at 9:38am

Kelli

I am so sorry for your loss.

Bluebell

Comment by Theresa on January 2, 2018 at 7:05am

Kelli so true, so true

Comment by Kelli on January 2, 2018 at 6:15am

I'm so sorry u know I have been in individual care provider all my life and I thought I had a lot of compassion for When people's loved ones passed but this experience has truly humbled me because it doesn't matter how sick your loved one miles or if they weren't sick it off or how old they were or how young they were the fact of the matter is is you're never prepared for it and it hurts so much that unless you have experienced that kind of loss and void in your life you have no clue where they are coming from

Comment by Theresa on January 2, 2018 at 6:08am

Kelli so sorry, but you know she is now happy and no longer in pain and I'm sure she wants you to be happy too.
My mom was not ill on a Thursday complained of her stomach on Friday went to the dr he did an xray told her to take laxative, on Saturday she called me and said Im going to the hospital this is really bothering me, forty minutes later she died. Just like that. My brother who is 17 years older than me and lives far away opted not to do an autopsy, mom was 92, but not I stress with what was it??, her dr states her blood pressure caused her to go in CA.

Comment by Kelli on January 2, 2018 at 5:43am

Oh yes she was but she was a warrior she had been on kidney dialysis since I was 6 they told her she had 5 days to live then but she she told them she had 3 babies to raise and that she had no plans on dying but something happened this year she went from being a vital 54 year old woman on home hemodialysis to this sick lethargic woman I didn't know we went numerous hospitals we even traveled up to 250 miles away just to try to get her the best care possible I begged them to find out what was wrong with her I knew something was not right they kept admitting her but they would let her go and I got to where she couldn't move she couldn't lay in her own bed she cried out in pain Non-Stop they told me the last time that she went into the hospital that they found an abnormality on her spine but they assured me it wasn't cancerous I knew something was wrong but because she was so sick they couldn't get her into the MRIs in the testing she needed before I knew it it's like my mother was no longer in her body she didn't eat she didn't really talk to anybody she wasn't even coherent again my family and I rushed to the hospital for them to tell us there was nothing they could do that they couldn't treat her they didn't know what was wrong with her I had to transfer to another hospital from there by ambulance where they admitted her because her blood oxygen saturation level was so low before I even had a chance to breathe they were rushing her to ICU where they put her on a ventilator it was the most horrific thing I've ever seen she didn't even look like my mother after that from there I didn't even have 10 minutes to talk to her she went into full cardiac arrest they worked on her for 23 minutes before they called it what she was gone I just don't understand what happened but after doing some research and knowing my mom and let her symptoms were I took care of her day in and day out I even did her home dialysis for her I truly believe that it was undiagnosed bone cancer she had every single symptom of it I feel so bad that she was in so much pain and I was just mad at her for feeling like she was giving up

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