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Comment by Dia -Ayesha on August 29, 2013 at 2:42pm

Hi everyone. I lost my beloved mum this 22 july, 2013. She was the greatest love of my life, my best friend, my hero, my life, my everything. She was the epitome of love, beauty, grace and dignity.She suffered from lupus and cardiomyopathy since past 14 years. I was her primary caregiver .I was with her 24/7 .Keeping her healthy, happy and alive was my life's purpose. She was wonderful yet life was not kind to her. From ill health, to financial hardships to many other injustices, She endured everything yet always smiled, never questioned or complained. The past 1 year was a nightmare. She was hospitalised 7 times in the past year. The last few days of her life were awful. She was in ICU of a hospital here in India. Bad doctors, callous nurses, strict security. She was not treated with kindness or respect in the ICU. We as her family always treated her with love and kindness , cheered and encouraged her. She felt alone, isolated and unhappy in the ICU. This haunts me day and night. How do I beg for her forgiveness. If only I could see her and tell her how much I love her . I'm broken inside with no interest in life or anything else. Losing her was always my biggest fear and now its my reality. I ache, grieve for her. I miss her and feel lonely 24/7. How does one live in this world without a mother?? Nobody can take a mothers place. Nobody can love like a mother does. This void , this grief I feel is sooooooo intense. I miss my mum. How do I know shes ok? Who will take care of her now? I saw the life leave her body. She passed of multi organ failure. She was sedated on the last day. We her family said goodbye but im not sure she was aware. There are so many regrets .so many what ifs, should have, could have, would have. How do I make peace with the fact that my mother suffered so much and died feeling sad. On the last day she was sedated and tears spilled from her eyes. It pains me so much that she cried. Somebody pls help me this pain and loss is unbearable.

Comment by Karen C on August 29, 2013 at 1:21pm

Hi, my name is Karen C. and my heart hurts from the loss of my mother 6 months ago.  I took care of her from a stroke, for 12 years 24/7 and was homebound.  I love her very much and we enjoyed each other.  She was such a big part of my life and I am lost without her.  Everything I do, she is on my mind for I did so much for her care and life.  My life was her and now life does not mean much.  I smile with other people but it is not the same and I know it never will be.  I still cannot believe she is not here with me.  Even though she was wheelchair bound, I needed  her more then she needed me. I can relate to all the stories here and to know I am not alone in feeing this way.  Mom and I were faithful believers and that is what has kept me going and has given me peace when I ask for it, peace beyond understanding.  I have to grieve and feel the pain to heal and get myself into a new normal of life, which that is what Hospice tells me.  I want so much to hear her voice and talk with her and most of all to hug her and tell her I love her.  She was such a compassionate and loving and kind person to everyone she met.  There will always be a hole in my heart that no one can ever fill for she was my mother.  A rare jewel on this earth but now a diamond in heaven.  Karen

Comment by Crystal Goddard on July 4, 2013 at 11:44pm

My name is Crystal and I am 31. My mother just passed away at age 52 (almost 1 year after my Aunt Laura died of cancer). My mom's death was tragic and completely unexpected. She had been 14 year sober, or so we thought, from a drug and alcohol addiction. The night my mom died, her sister was there and said my mom was sleeping and moaning and gurgling and that she tried to wake her but couldn't so she thought she was just really tired so she left her alone and went to bed. The next morning when my Aunt KC went in to check on my mom, she was dead. I got the call from my aunt on that Memorial day morning around 9AM, while my husband and I were loading our children in the car at my in-laws house (5 hours away from where my mom was). I remember answering the call, thinking it was my mom since the call came from her phone, and hearing my aunt on the other end say "Crystal, your mom died last night". next thing I know I just hit the ground and started yelling out in the worst kind of pain I have ever felt. I cried so hard and so much I started to pass out. I couldn't believe what I just heard. I just saw my mom 5 days before that and talked to her on the phone 3 days before that. Everything was fine! she was normal happy and totally fine! Well come to find out, the medical examiner found two patches called fentanyl on her back. These patches are apparently one of the STRONGEST pain medications ever made. 100 times more potent than morphine! usually a person isn't supposed to use more than 1 in a 72 hour period. She used 2 at the same time... 4 weeks later the toxicology report concluded she died from overdose of fentanyl. My mom was my best friend and always coming over to see my kids. I am not close to anyone else in my family so I feel like I have lost my heart. How does one go on living without their heart?

Comment by Marie N on May 9, 2013 at 8:19pm

I lost my Mom on 3/19/13...it was very sudden and totally unexpected. My life will never be the same. I miss her so very much. I feel like part of me died with her. I'm not looking forward to Sunday. I just wish things could be different. I just feel so overwhelmed and my mind races constantly. I'm always thinking about her. Some days its just so much to deal with. I just want to cry.

Comment by Julia A. on April 16, 2013 at 9:18am

My mother passed away in Feb. 2012 at the age of 42. Even though it has already been a year, it still feels like it just happened and I still think about her every day. Nobody really understands what I'm going through and my friends were so unsupportive that I just got rid of them. I had no other family accept for her accept my unstable aunt who wouldn't even pay for a funeral or write an obituary even though she has three cars, two houses, and several hundred acres of land. She made sure that she got every last thing that belonged to my mother though. My mother was my only family and I have been so lost in life without her. This is a cold cold world and nobody actually cares about anybody and I'm so scared because I know nobody is ever going to love me like she did ever again. I have a hard time finding people that care about me at all because I'm socially awkward and I'm just so scared without her.

 

Comment by Gail on February 4, 2013 at 9:34pm

I can so relate to everyone on this site.My Mom died Dec 20 2011.I sat by her side watching her slip away for nine days.Iwas lucky enough to be able to say everything I wanted to say before she lost conciousness.Iwanted to scream and cry for her not to go.But my sisters would have killed me and it wold have been harder for her.Her death was  the worst thing that has ever happened to me.There isn't a day that goes by I don't think of her.Ifeel she is around me still.And the only thing that keeps me going is I know I will see her in heaven

 

Comment by Sue Waxman on February 4, 2013 at 11:30am

Dear Melissa,

I am so sad for your loss. How awful. This site is a great source of ssupport. My mom passed June 26, 2013. It is still difficult every day. Take one hour at a time. Sue

Comment by Melisa C on February 3, 2013 at 1:20pm

It's been 19 days since she's gone. She underwent surgery for her knee, it wasn't supposed to be that big of a deal. But one of the medications they gave her was what killed her (teamed with a condition we didn't know she had). This was 12 days after the surgery. I didn't know she was so ill. She had seen her doctor the day before! I never once imagined she could die. I didn't tell her how much I loved her and how proud I was of her for bringing me up on her own. I was on the other room when she passed away... I feel like I've been struck and can't understand what's going on and what I'm going to do with myself from now on. She was my life, my home.

I also feel like our life together was a million years ago and can't remember her voice or gestures. I wish I had been a better daughter, not acting as if I was going to have her forever. I wish I hadn't taken her health for granted, the day after she passed I started remembering things and thought ''How didn't I realize she was seriously ill and called the ambulance before??''.

I'm depressed and can remember mostly the sad things about her life. She didn't have it easy... I think of these things and my heart breaks. I can't believe how I felt so miserable before, compared with what I'm going through now, our life before was heaven.

I'd like to think I'm going to see her some day, but maybe it's just wishful thinking? I have virtually no one that understands me like her and loves me like her, or someone with a sense of humor like hers!

Comment by Betsy Levin on December 25, 2012 at 9:49pm

I too am so lost without my mom.  she died sept 13, 2008.  She was my best friend.  We were a team.  Everyday I miss her so but i am coping the best i can.  I think the hardest thing is not having her here to talk to and share things with.  She is also not seeing my daughter grow up and she meant everything to her.  I have friend but no one close like I was with my mom.  some days are better than other but today is difficult maybe because of the holidays.  this was her favorite time of year.  I wish i could just forget the holidays but i cant because of my daughter so i am pretending to enjoy it eventhough inside my heart is breaking.  when is it going to get easier

 

Comment by Kisha on October 27, 2012 at 1:39am

Hi Jane't, I am sorry for your loss.  My mom passed away July 22, 2012 suddenly as well. I later found out that she had pneumonia that had gotten into her blood stream and began to shut down her organs.  She had just left visiting my daughter and I in California and had to be admitted to the critical care unit when she got home.  She died the next day.  I didn't make it there in time.  I was 32 weeks pregnant.  I continuously question myself with "what if's".  I wish I had insisted that she go to the emergency room while she was visiting me.

I also feel that my mom was taken too soon.  It's so unfair and I feel that God got it wrong.  She didn't even get to meet my son.  I want her back so badly.  It kills me that I have to go on in this world without her.  I'm so heartbroken.

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