Jenni H
  • Female
  • Shelbiana, KY
  • United States
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ELIZABETH K CASTELLO commented on Jenni H's blog post Light at the end of the tunnel possibly.
"Hi Jenni, I am so sorry what you are going through, you are right about not blaming God it is not his fault he loves all his children and we hurt he hurts I have to stop and think what he went through when his Son Jesus was on the cross it had to…"
Mar 3
Jenni H posted a blog post

Light at the end of the tunnel possibly.

I've been praying nightly to God. I remember when Mommy was sick, when she was in the bed. Mommy always said she was mad at God for her condition. I told her outright, "Mommy God didn't shove the cigarettes down your throat, you did that all on your own. It is your own fault you are in that bed right now." No matter how bad Mommy got, I never once blamed the Lord. I couldn't. It was like the same reasons I was overweight and morbidly obese as a young adult. I was the one who loved food. I…See More
Mar 1
Jenni H replied to Jennifer Nuss's discussion Also missing my Mom. in the group Lost Without My Mom
"Meaning, I relate to your pain. I didn't mean to sound cold, my grief has turned me into a daughter who misses her mother. I'll keep you in my prayers. <3"
Feb 25
Jenni H replied to Jennifer Nuss's discussion Also missing my Mom. in the group Lost Without My Mom
"I lived with my mother my entire life except during a failed marriage and a 2 year stint. She had a bad back until the stroke. I had to watch her in pain 24/7. She was mother first, best friend second, and soul mate forever. She died today in 2017.…"
Feb 25
Jenni H posted a status
"Mommy has been gone a year today. I swear I feel the grief as fresh as it was the day she died."
Feb 25
Jenni H posted a blog post

Totally tired of my life and lack of emotions.

My mother had a stroke in October of 2015. She changed over night due to the aphasia and brain damage. She was a new person, half of who she once was. I began grieving my mother in October. I turned of all emotion and detached myself during the caregiving. It was just way too hard for me to deal with her conditions and my father's emotions. My family are gifted with abilities, mine was empathy and third sight. Most may not believe in that stuff, but it is more than real to me due to years of…See More
Feb 17
Jenni H commented on Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group Lost Without My Mom
"My mom died on February 25, 2017. She had a stroke a year and half that rendered her paralyzed and she had aphasia. I was her caregiver. It was extremely impossible to stomach seeing my mother constantly in pain. My nerves and mental state was gone…"
Feb 16
Jenni H joined Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group
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Lost Without My Mom

My mom died, August 17, 2009 of an apparent heart attack from heart failure. Her doctors never told me how sick she was and so I was blown away and am heart sick and lost without her.
Feb 16
Jenni H updated their profile
Feb 12
Jenni H is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Feb 11

Profile Information

About Me:
I am a 40 something woman who loves Jesus and is an avid gamer. I've been divorced for 7 years now. No kids.
About my Loss:
My mother suffered a stroke in October 2015. It debilitated her to the point of paralysis with aphasia. She lived for a year and a half. I was a caregiver, along with my father. It was a long, arduous time for my family. My brother would not help us as he lived in another state. I had to watch my mother lose her personality, maturity, and her overall spirit. She cried out all hours of the day and night. She was in constant pain. She could talk and was lucid most of the time. She didn't have memory issues, but was confused about the time of day and couldn't form complete sentences due to the aphasia. I had to watch her be mean to others and say things she would have never said had she had her mind in tact. It was truly hell on earth for me. I never went anywhere and never had any respite time, I gave it all to my father. My mother was my soul mate, my best friend. She was always the bale me out of my problems type of person. I mourned her loss after the stroke and I mourned her after her death. I knew two people.. the mom who was and the mom who used to be. I'm mentally broken now. She normally was there to help me with the pieces, but now she is gone. It is hell on earth yet again. I now caregive for my father. He is alright health wise, but he is dealing with his grief too.

Jenni H's Blog

Light at the end of the tunnel possibly.

I've been praying nightly to God. I remember when Mommy was sick, when she was in the bed. Mommy always said she was mad at God for her condition. I told her outright, "Mommy God didn't shove the cigarettes down your throat, you did that all on your own. It is your own fault you are in that bed right now." No matter how bad Mommy got, I never once blamed the Lord. I couldn't. It was like the same reasons I was overweight and morbidly obese as a young adult. I was the one who loved food. I…

Continue

Posted on March 1, 2018 at 4:38pm — 1 Comment

Totally tired of my life and lack of emotions.

My mother had a stroke in October of 2015. She changed over night due to the aphasia and brain damage. She was a new person, half of who she once was. I began grieving my mother in October. I turned of all emotion and detached myself during the caregiving. It was just way too hard for me to deal with her conditions and my father's emotions. My family are gifted with abilities, mine was empathy and third sight. Most may not believe in that stuff, but it is more than real to me due to years of…

Continue

Posted on February 17, 2018 at 5:40pm

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Latest Activity

Monty replied to Pamela philipp's discussion FAILING in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Im sorry for your loss no matter how long ago it is. i can only imagine the pain and emotions you are still going though. for me it was taking care of the kids and finding one thing to achieve (no matter how small) helped a lot. it was as small…"
8 hours ago
M Adams left a comment for Jarvis
"Thank you for creating this site, it is a lifeline for many people.  Hope your health is improving every day."
9 hours ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi All,  Hope every one is doing fine. Last week my father got an infection and was hospitalized so could not follow much here. Now he is better and recovering.  Virginia, you seem to be totally engrossed in the guilt which I can…"
14 hours ago
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"My boyfriend finally gave up.  I don’t blame him at all. And Brett I will tell you I don’t deserve the prayers, pray for my Mom please."
yesterday
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"So the dr talked to my therapist and he told her the same things he told me.  I had asked her to try to get more answers.  I actually feel worse because I had someone ask some doctors about using ventilators.  The oncologist told us…"
yesterday
Profile IconThere are 14187 members on Online Grief Support - A Social Community
yesterday
Profile Icon13 new members joined during the past week
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, since talking to you last I have been searching for a natural solution to your issue. There are new supplements since I went through this about a year and a half ago, but my best advice would be to talk to your doctor about trying a new…"
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi everyone, I have been reading, going through a tough time with my friend her dog is getting ready to go to the rainbow bridge and that set me into anxiety.  My stomach is flaring up no matter what I eat.  I started to think about my mom…"
yesterday
Profile IconAshley Gatehouse, Maria Allen and Lori Gersbeck joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Friday
Lori Gersbeck joined Julie Dolsey-Weiss's group
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Orphaned Adults

This group is for adults who have lost both parents and are struggling with coming to terms with this impact, which is harder then you realize till it happens to you.
Friday
Fran replied to Pamela philipp's discussion FAILING in the group Lost My Spouse...
"You are not a failure! You are a survivor. It's hard to continue a life that was balanced and enriched by a truly loved spouse.  Just do what helps YOU go on."
Friday
Crystal Parker posted photos
Friday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia, my dad was horrible. My mom and my brothers and sister moved to NC where mom had family. I was six. We found a little house to rent. We had left all of our furniture at our house in Ky. I remember the day the moving truck came to our new…"
Friday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Bluebell, I do not know if you have the same symptoms that I did. It was scary. I was in my shower one day. I was looking at my bottle of shampoo and I couldn't remember what to do with it. And then when I reached for it, it was like my arm was…"
Friday
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Pamela, Those are hurtful things you had to deal with.  I am so fortunate that drinking was never a frequent activity with most of my family.  The only thing I can say is this.  I am the one feeling guilty, desperately hoping my Mom…"
Thursday
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thank you Brett. It is very scary. What I do not like the most is the lack of motivation and being so easily fatigued. I am also frustrated with the lack of support from the Doctors. I keep asking it it would be dangerous to increase a certain…"
Thursday
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett, the dr may realize that he didn’t tell me what was going on in the hospital and that’s why I have all the questions.  I blame myself for getting upset with him, then not seeking him out but he might feel responsible. I…"
Thursday
Pamela philipp commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia yes I will tell you what she lied about who my father is my mother told me the man who is on my birth certificate was my father but he told me I was not his daughter and I look like my so called step father who raised me since I was a baby…"
Thursday
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Bluebell, Are you having more symptoms to make you think this?  Or is it from the anxiety of the one you had?  Did they say how long it would take for it to resolve?  "
Thursday

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