Hi! I'm a new member. My name is Emily. My mom died Dec 27,2012. I had a question for anyone in the group............. Does anyone ever feel torn-part of them wants to be with friends but the other part just wants to withdraw? It seems like almost everything reminds me of my mom.

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I lost my mom on 29 November 2012, and yes, I have those feelings as well.  Although for me, the desire to withdraw is greater than wanting to be around people.  I just can't seem to wrap my head around the whole thing, the fact that she is gone, that I can't talk with her, or hear her laugh....all those little things that we all take for granted are the things I am missing the most. 

Feel free to message anytime if you would like to talk.

Yes, I feel exactly the same way........... it is the little things, like hearing her voice............... 

Yes, I can relate to the whole time will heal comments.........

I won't tell you that time heals all wounds....... because I have the same feelings you do. I'm sorry you lost your mom, its ok to cry, to be angry, all the feelings you are having now are normal.

Hi. Sorry about your loss and for everyone else here. My mom died Feb. 23, 2011 of brain cancer. She was only 54 years old and she was my best friend. I thought she'd be here for me to grow old along with...we are actually not that far in age. I am 38.  My grandmother, her mom, is 81 and very healthy so this was just inconceivable that she would be gone well before my grandma. But, I am so thankful and blessed to still have her here. She is my earth mom now.

To answer your question - YES. YES. YES. It's been 2 years and I only want to spend time with my family and my very closest friends. Before mom got sick I used to go out with various friends and coworkers, I would network, mingle etc. I don't want to do any of that now. I just don't want to be social. I only feel the most comfort when I am around people who I love and who love me just as much. There are many times when I just want to be alone as well. So, yes, I have withdrawn from things since my mom died but I guess in a good way, it has brought me closer to my family.

The thing that scares me the most is forgetting things like her voice, her smile, and even her yelling at me. I'd give up everything in the world to just have her fuss at me about something...anything! The more that time passes, the more I am afraid I will lose those memories. I hate that.

I understand about worrying about losing memories. I deleted voice mails from my mom, it would just be too hard  for me to hear her voice now.............. It would be a constant reminder that she is gone and that we can never talk again. Maybe that is weird but I have enough reminders of my mom, her ashes are in a box in my dads safe and some of her books and stuff are in the apartment, I guess that is enough for me. Its hard to watch shows with moms and daughters like Downton Abbey and Nashville, but it seems most shows feature moms and daughters and I can't stop watching TV and movies all together.

Yes, I am feeling the same way as you are. I really don't care to get together with large groups that require social interaction. I did go with my husband to NASCAR. Not much talking going on there. I miss my mother so much it hurts my heart. It will be 7 months Sunday and I am still at a loss as to how to go through the rest of my life without her. I was her caretaker and am so thankful for the time we had but when she passed it just seemed unreal to me. It still does. I still cry everyday. She left me in charge so at some point I am going to have to get through all of that. For now I am just getting through one day at a time. By the way this is my first post here. I have found comfort knowing that I am not alone and others are struggling with losing their mother too. We were the best of friends. I do feel as if part of me went with her. I hope that I can find joyfulness again. Best wishes to all of you on the most difficult journey of our lives.

Hello All. This is my first post. I am truly lost without my Mum (I'm British). She died quite suddenly in March and I rushed to England. I ended up spending months there, helping my dad and sorting out her things and dealing with the probate and everything. When I got back my house and life was a mess so I've been busy with that....Now I feel like it's really hit me and it's so lonely. I too don't want to go out and socialize, friends have invited me but I don't think they understand why I keep refusing invitations. I can't even make myself go and play music with the band I used to be in. I don't want to leave the house, I can hardly get off the couch. I come from a large family and my father is still alive...but he's an alcoholic and we had a dysfunctional childhood because of it. Now, instead of coming together, which as the eldest I tried hard to make happen, we are fractured. There have been awful fights and falling outs and now everyone is just avoiding each other. It has been a comfort for me to read other people's posts, to know I'm not alone in feeling lost without my Mum. Thank you all for sharing and providing a space for me. Sundays are the worst as that was the day for our weekly 'long' phone call.

Hi Emily, I truly understand how you feel, I lost my mother on August 21, 2012. To this day, I am still going through it mentally and emotionally. I try to stay busy but the grief is still in me. Sometimes I pull away from everybody especially at gatherings. Everyday seems different now. I still see certain things that also remind me of my mom......Im crying right now because I miss her, but god bless you and keep your head up!!!

Hi Emily I know exactly what your going through. I Lost my mom on Aug 19 2013 and life is so meaningless since that day I feel like nothing exist anymore. I even moved from NJ to CA thinking I have support in california since I grew up in california and my friends are there but no that did not help at all intact when my friends ask me lets go somewhere I just don't want to go no where and stay with my moms memories. This feeling I think will never go away and its so hard to live without my momma:(

I'm sorry you are having a tough time in CA, hopefully in time you will adjust to the new environment. I'm not sure what else to say, I do think one learns to live with one's grief while still missing someone, maybe you just need more time.

I know exactly how you feel. I am in my senior year of high school, and it's been almost two weeks since my mom passed away. In those two weeks, I have not been back to school. At first I wanted to go, and I talked to my friends about how I was feeling, but I soon realized that talking and interacting was useless because nothing they could say to me would help me. I often left a conversation feeling more miserable and alone. Many of my friends came to her funeral and I am grateful for that, but I still don't feel like being around anyone. Though I know they sympathize, the sad reality is that their lives will go on as normal, and they would not be able to handle my depression for very long even if they wanted to. They have too much to look forward to. I am going to go back to school, but I have a feeling I'll be spending much of my time alone. People expect you to eventually return to normal, but your normal is gone. THe person you are is heavily dependent on the people you love most, and when there is the least bit of disharmony in your personal relationships, let alone death, you will change. I wish people would understand this.


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