I'm a thirty four year old female. My primary interests are in writing and education. I appreciate beautiful scenery, finding reasons to laugh and make others laugh, listening to music I like, having good conversations, and losing myself in fictional worlds. I struggle with all kinds of challenges, and my Mom has been a constant source of help and support to me through my entire life. Through all kinds of tough times, my Mom has always been there, always been the person I have felt safest and most comfortable with, right up until the day she unexpectedly died.
My mother and I had always been close, especially since my father passed away almost two years ago. My father was thirteen years older than my mother, and he died a slow, painful, dignity-robbing sort of death. It was a hard loss, but I had my mother, and we supported each other through his illness and death. Now, I've lost my mother too, and with no warning. I have no siblings, and I'm unmarried with no children.
About my Loss:
My mother's body was just found on February 6th, 2016. I had spoken to her the previous night, and she seemed fine. She always checks in with a good morning email to me, and that day, she did not send one. I called her cell and landline repeatedly. When there was no response. I called 911. They found her on the couch, not breathing, no pulse. I don't know how or why this happened. I've never felt this empty, lost and afraid. I don't know how to live in this world without my mother.
According to the autopsy, she had bad heart disease. She had high blood pressure, and three very clogged arteries. We had no idea anything at all was wrong with her heart.
The above picture is of my Mom and me on December 31st, 2015. We were at our favorite Barnes and Noble, and sad that that location would be closing that day. We knew that was our last chance to go to that Barnes and Noble together. We assmed we'd still have many more years together. We never imagined that my mother had just a little over a month left to live at the time this photo was taken.
You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!
"Hello to all of you who are here for the same unimaginable reason as I am. I found this website last night after another night of going to bed where instead of sleep, pain sets in that I was able to escape from all day by being busy. Jess's…"
"Joe, I have seven tattoos one for each year Julian has been gone. It is my way of honoring him People make fun of me saying I am too old (71) to have them. Glad to hear I am not the only one still honoring their spouse after death."
"Wow..you suicide yourself there us no place for you in heaven. You will find yourself again and life will go on without your dearly departed. Learn to love yourself find what you like to do there has to something. Think of it like this he…"
"It is a tradgedy to lose a loved one. But it does get better. Not everyday will be the same some days burn to the core more than others. Find a hobby or volunteer or help someone basically find something to do to ease the monotony of the day. In…"
"Thank you Linda. It's beautiful for you to had done that. I have tattoo of our names in a heart. I wear two sets of our wedding bands on both pinkys and ring fingers. We're still married and always will be forever.…"
"Yes I still miss her terribly. I am still sad and angry. I was left with two boys ages 12 and 8 at that time. What kept me going was making sure they were provided for and raised well. I still have full on bawls when the…"
I am curious because I am within a week of being a widow of seven years how you are doing it allotter eight years? Today, and more often lately (lets say for about the past six months) I have become more angry and more hateful of having…"