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Comment by Fran on January 10, 2015 at 7:26pm

Thank you all for your support. It does help to know that what I'm experiencing is fairly common. I thought I could handle the grief on my own but I am seeing that sharing it with others who understand is the smarter way to go.

Comment by Trina Mamoon on January 10, 2015 at 6:27pm

Hi Fran,

2 months is still too raw to not have meltdowns. It's been five months since my beloved husband Joseph passed away, and even now I break down into tears almost everyday. The loss of a spouse is one of the most traumatic experience that a person can face in their lifetime and many of us here have had the misfortune of undergoing this harrowing experience. I am very sorry for your loss and my heart goes out to you because I can relate to your unspeakable pain and suffering. Hang in there, and little by little the intensity of the pain will go down. Or so they say.
Sending prayers and good vibes your way.
Best, Trina

Comment by dream moon JO B on January 10, 2015 at 2:53pm

i hate bic lost a lot of famly 2 it

Comment by Roger on January 10, 2015 at 12:59pm

Fran
With only 2 months passing I bet your mind is still racing. You are still so wounded .Even though Karla and I knew she was terminally ill for many months. When it finally happened. It hit me hard. The realization of what had happened wasn't amything like I expected. It was and still is without a doubt the hardest thing I have ever faced. My inlaws have been very sweet to me. Inviting me to family get togethers. But the only time I was ever with them, Karla was there too. Now when I'm with them. I become so neverous. I expect Karla to walk in from the other room any moment. So I can certainly relate to expecring your husband to walk in the door. Coming home to a empty house is another biggie. I just can't get use to that. Thank goodness. We have 2 cats that do greet me. It's all part of grief I guess. We just have to ride it.

Comment by Fran on January 10, 2015 at 11:55am

I find it hard to believe that it's already been 2 months since my husband died. I feel guilty that I can't remember much of those 2 months. First it was just the shock that he was gone; then dealing with the funeral and starting all the paperwork associated with death. Throw in the Holidays and going back to work and the stress related to that...Boom, it's 2 months later. I have my meltdowns. I look at pictures of him and still think he's going to walk thru the door. I think about how we were in Arizona just one year ago enjoying the warmth...and now I sit in front of a fireplace and still feel cold. He was always my warmer.

Comment by Fran on January 5, 2015 at 2:27pm

Roger, Jennifer, Louraniah, My heart hurts for all of you! We do have a kinship in a club none of us wanted. And I know there are a lot more of us out there. My older sister lost her husband in March just when my husband was diagnosed. A friend of mine lost her husband 5 weeks before I lost mine...They were victims of cancer. They fought to live....and then another friend of mine received a phone call in July, 2014 informing her that her 23 year old daughter had committed suicide. I believe in God but I am still in the angry stage that all these people...all these GOOD people had to die; yet, murderers, thieves etc get to live. I so miss my guy!

Comment by Shirley on January 5, 2015 at 1:58pm

Want to comment here for Roger who posted prior to this one. We all have to know that GOD is with us as we take each step forward. Your's was a real love and you will always love Karla and some day you two will be united.  Hold on to your Faith and I will remember you in my prayers. too.  Would you please say a prayer for me some times?   All of us on here are going through the same kind of grief.  God Bless you , my friend.!

Comment by Jennifer L Gebhardt on January 4, 2015 at 11:52pm

The stories I have read I think that it's sad how many of us have similar stories. When it happens to you, you feel all alone.I lost my mom, can't imagine losing my spouse to. My heart goes out to all of you. I know it's difficult for you to tell what happened to you and I appreciate the stories, it does help knowing I'm not alone. 

Comment by Roger on January 4, 2015 at 10:08pm

I lost my wife and soul mate to breast cancer 2-9-2013. She is the first thought I have when I wake up every morning. The last one before going to sleep at night. We had such big plans for our retirement. She was 45 when she was diagnosed. 50 when she passed. Our dream was to live out the last years of our life traveling, growing vegetables in our garden. Doing things we wanted to do. Instead the last years of her life was about cancer, chemotherapy, being sick all the time. Doctors appointments and treatments. Surgeries and just being so frighten of what might come next. When someone you love so much has cancer you hang on to hope. The hope that the new chemo drug will stop the lesions on her spine and liver. The hope that she will not have to tell her mother more bad news. The hope that her mouth sores will subside with the new mouth wash the doctor prescribed.  I miss her so very much. What I wouldn't do to be able to hold her in my arms again. Be able to feel her breath on my neck.  I know there is a God. I have faith that I will see her again. But I don't know what to do with myself in the mean time. I work and come home to our two cats. Whom I love dearly.   Sometimes a friend or relative will suggest I go out with some one they know. I know they mean well. But in my mind I'm married to my Karla and always will be. Next tragedy was my Mom passed 7-22-2014. She had COPD. Had to be on oxygen 24/7.  Encephalopathy (brain damage) from pneumonia she had in 2012. yep! the two people I love most in the world sick at the same time. The last year of her life was to the hospital and back home. Witch at this point I was staying with her Just about constantly. Thank God my wife and I bought a house ! mile from them. My Dad is 84 did what he could. But no way was capable of caring for her without help. I read a lot of the commits here. I think it helps to know that there are other out there that lost so very much as I did. I would like to thank every one for sharing.

Comment by Shirley on January 4, 2015 at 5:23pm

Agree with the post written prior to this by Fran....We feel the loss and also the feel of guilt.  We do all we can for our loved ones and it seems to us that is not enough. We have to understand that GOD is the one in Control and only HE can decide when it is our time to go home to Heaven. I miss my husband so much, but would not want to have him back with me and have to suffer any more than he already has suffered. Know he is at Peace and Comfort living with Jesus now. My prayers are  for every one who had had to watch their loved ones suffer and then had to say goodbye to them for  awhile.

May GOD Bless and keep you in his arms .

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