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Comment by Michael Thompson on December 24, 2015 at 6:31am

Hi everybody, this is my second Christmas Eve without my lovely lady wife to do things for, we both threw our heart and soul into Christmas and the spirit of Santa Clause.  My wife passed in 2014 from Bowel cancer, she suffered 11 months.

Everyday is a nightmare of loneliness, I try not to weep because I dont want our little Yorkie, Tootsie picking up how sad I am.

It is around 14 months now since my wife's demise, and I still cant believe she has gone, I havent touched a thing since she last went into hospital.

I am 67 years old, how does a man start again at this age ?.  

I wont join clubs, because ive no interest in doing that, and I dont want to go looking, because when you look, you never find.

If I meet somebody else, it must be in passing, just like it was with my Pamela in 1991 when we met in passing and that was that, bingo.

"Man" was not meant to live alone, we must have our mate, our companion, we must have that which makes us whole.

My 15 months or so on my own, might as well be 15 minutes, because nothing has changed, I dont feel better, but my neighbours expect me to "move on".....

People who havent been where we all are, havent got a bloody clue????????????????????????????????????????????

Comment by Michael Thompson on December 23, 2015 at 6:46am

Dear all site members.  I recently wrote this for all site members to read.  I heard from just a few, so now im putting it up again for hopefully more members to read.

 

Hi everybody on this site.   I live in the UK and this is my second Christmas alone by choice. My wife and I had 22 years of wonderful Christmases where we both threw our heart and soul into the spirit of Santa Claus that we enjoyed in our youth...

We gave each other gifts on Christmas Day, and all through the day, and Santa always delivered them. My lovely wife would have been happy with a chocolate bar, and this is one of the things that made her so special to me.  My wife passed in September 2014 from bowel cancer, and I am now the guardian of our little Yorkie Tootsie who is 3 years old at the end of this month.

My wife had the social life which incorporated shopping, I was the stay at home, which suited me because I only ever needed my Pamela. Now around 15 months on, I am facing each day alone like so many other people in my country and yours, just pick up your local paper and read the orbituary column every day or week. What I am finding is that people handle their grief differently and suffer different manifestations of grief. I tried to start a grief group locally, but it wasnt for me. All I know is that there will never be another lady like my Pamela. I wrote two articles about my situation to my local paper. The first article was about cancer from the left behind spouses point of view and a tribute to my wife. The second article more recently was an update. If anybody reading this would like to send me their email address, I will gladly forward them these article's. One thing that hits me every time like a thunderbolt, is that people who have never lost a husband or wife, have no idea what it’s like. I remain lost, lonely, vulnerable, insecure, and my confidence is gone. it truly is a sad state of affairs for everybody it happens to, but grief is the price we pay for love and for loving. I take Tootsie, our little Yorkie pup for 3 roughly 30 minute walks a day, morning, late morning to afternoon, , and night.

Anybody who would like a copy of my articles, can email me at the following. Michaelthompson533@btinternet.com

Comment by Hilary Christene on December 14, 2015 at 10:01am

Yes, Lauri. I did a lot of cooking for D. He had become ill with a mystery illness that turned out to be a chronic Tick Borne Disease, TBD, (Rickettsia) which seems to be as bad or worse than Lyme disease. We had the best care for his TBD. And he had a special diet. I am not a good cook, and it was very challenging, but I felt so much happiness cooking for him and nurturing him. The TBD really tortures the mind and his anxiety was intense. But his sweet character somehow rose above his anxiety, and he made a point of celebrating whenever I made something that tasted especially good. He was getting better, and doing so well!!

Then cancer came in while he was getting better from the TBD and destroyed him.

Now, it is all I can do to fry a couple ingredients or heat up something prepared.

Comment by Michael Thompson on December 14, 2015 at 8:11am

Lauri, its been around 14 months since my wife passed away due to bowel cancer.  Everything for me remains out of joint.  Everyday I go through the motions of living, and I loathe meeting neighbours who have not been where I am, and you are.  I can relate entirely to what you have written, and ive sent you a friend request..

Comment by Linda Engberg on December 14, 2015 at 7:12am

My heart is the same as cancer, it took my life away.

Comment by Lauri on December 13, 2015 at 7:22pm

Does this happen to anyone else, since my husband passed away, I don't cook anymore, unless I have company, it just feels wrong, and I used to love cooking before, even for myself. I think maybe it's because everything I did, I did for him and he's not here to share that with me. Everything just feels pointless

Comment by dream moon JO B on December 13, 2015 at 3:25pm

Comment by dream moon JO B on December 13, 2015 at 2:59pm

so sorry lauri i h a t e big c cnt even say it words maks me sic

Comment by Lauri on December 13, 2015 at 2:38pm

I lost my husband, my soulmate, my best friend of 24 years to cancer. He was the one person I could not live without! He passed away only 7 weeks ago and I have been just devastated!!! I normally am not one to cry, but this is so overwhelming I can't control it. Family and friends have been so supportive, but I am finding they can't relate, don't know what to say, it just is uncomfortable! I can only talk to people who have been through this, they get it, and I don't feel like I'm burdening them with my feelings that they have no idea what it's like! I find myself taking a lot of deep breaths, life just seems pointless now.

Comment by Linda Engberg on December 10, 2015 at 7:11am

I don't know what I do without all you wonderful people on this site who understand what I am going through. Gob Bless You All.

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