Comment

Comment by Susan on June 21, 2016 at 3:32pm

You are both wise to walk away from your loved one and cool down and collect yourself when they don't treat you right. I've had to do that, too. It's far better than getting angry and yelling back at them. I've made that mistake, too. My husband could push my hot buttons easily and I sometimes got upset at him instead of walking away. I also did a lot of holding my tongue and not saying anything at all. I wasn't free to speak in my own home for many hours of each day unless I wanted a confrontation that would go nowhere but downhill.

Comment by dream moon JO B on June 21, 2016 at 12:06pm

pity thy dint giv us a book on howw 2 handl thes ortbrtst wen thy kikck off it us

its lk we 1s its get pusnhd u cud say i fw feal lk iv bean pusnd enuf i do

Comment by Donna Doucette on June 21, 2016 at 11:16am

I always had to put into perspective the disease.   I remember friends came and brought food, at this point my husband was in a hospital bed unable to walk.   I was about to eat and he called me, I started to walk to him and his buddy said hey Dan what do you need, I'll get it, Donna is eating and he got angry and said no I want her now!  No, I would never verbalize to him how tired I was or anything.  He had been given a 3 week life sentence at that point, I would have to walk away or go outside and collect myself.  Hospice had told us to expect this. That they are angry and they will take it out on the one they are closest to.  Life is always changing and I take nothing for granted.

Comment by dream moon JO B on June 21, 2016 at 10:19am

i thngs its got me so low  i getbyel yelld at it lst bit thngszb thngs i do i hav 2 go leve abot evry 5 or 10 mins just 2 cools off i do pepel relzin now i needd me tim im not bean selfs im not coz ths ilnes taks it ort of us iv begin 2 relzie 

Comment by dream moon JO B on June 21, 2016 at 10:06am

susan i dred wot moodss shes gona be in i do 1 days shes ok nxt day its lk all hellll let lose u cud say 

Comment by Susan on June 21, 2016 at 6:01am

JO B,

I don't know why your Mom did so much yelling or why my husband did the same. We will never know why they changed so much and caused us so much hurt and made nervous wrecks of us. At least we can write about it here and know we aren't alone. 

Before my husband had dementia diagnosed, I left him because of the yelling and verbal and emotional abuse. I only returned to stay with him because he was sick and the abuse wasn't within his control. But it sure seemed like it was in his control many times. Then he got cancer which some doctors said was a blessing because it would take his life before the dementia. Life can be strange. Being thankful that your spouse has cancer?? And then the dementia faded a lot and he recovered quite a bit of brain function after 6 years of dementia. Very strange. No answers there. 

I do know he about drove me to a nervous breakdown with his abusive and manipulative behavior. And I think it was so much in his nature he didn't have to think about how to do it, he just did it without thinking about it. That's very messed up.

Comment by Susan on June 21, 2016 at 5:47am

Donna, are you saying you feel guilty for your thoughts where you say "You just don't want me to have a hot meal or get any sleep, do you?"

I think you can excuse yourself because you never verbalized them, knowing they weren't reasonable. You knew they were just thoughts born of frustration and exhaustion. You were sleep deprived and doing your best to cope and your thoughts aren't always under control in that situation. But what you do with your thoughts IS under your control and you chose the right course with not verbalizing those thoughts. I hope you can gain some peace from thinking about this.

Comment by Donna Doucette on June 20, 2016 at 3:44pm

Ramble on....this is what this is for

Comment by dream moon JO B on June 20, 2016 at 2:29pm

sorry if im rablin 2 mush but im a nervs weck coz of it

Comment by dream moon JO B on June 20, 2016 at 2:28pm

evn bean acusd of stelin all sortss i hav i say iv not but i no iv not

bean caled nastyy thngs

it can hav me so upsett it can

iy its yelllin it gets me abot 10 mins latr fogt all abot it it gets me so low wen thngss go off on 1 

im lk why my mum why did she hav 2 get ths abusv illnes pls wnts 2 hav evryy dun state strate awayy cnt wait yellin if thngs not dun yellin gt  me nevrs weck u cud say 

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