Donna Doucette
  • Female
  • Salem, WI
  • United States
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Donna Doucette and Allen W Blanchard SR are now friends
Feb 6
Donna Doucette left a comment for Allen W Blanchard SR
"Allen, I'm sorry for your loss.  I couldn't begin to imagine what you must be going thru. Losing a child is not the natural course of life, just isn't supposed to be this way. May God bless you."
Feb 5

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About my Loss:
My husband died about 1 1/2 years ago. He died a long painful death with brain tumors. He was so sick and it was so hard to care for him. He was so mean and so angry,when he passed I was almost relieved. I would like to see if anyone else experienced this.

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At 8:48pm on June 19, 2016, Susan said…

Donna, thank you for replying! I believe I can understand much of what you went through. I felt some relief mixed with the numbness when my husband died, too. The stress of walking on eggshells lessened a lot. For weeks I felt a numbness and expected him to come home any minute. But gradually my body was relaxing from the stress of dealing with him. My health was improving from the lack of stress and my Dr. appt's. showed it. My massage therapy app'ts. for fibromyalgia showed a much more relaxed body in places I couldn't control just by thinking about relaxing. I had systemic changes per my therapist who is excellent and has known me for about 24 years. I no longer take my muscle relaxer medication.

I am relieved to be out from under the abuse. I'm so much more peaceful and happier in my day-to-day living. I do miss the man I married very much. I miss the many good years and companionship we had when he was healthy. We shared many common interests. I only put up with the abuse because he was diagnosed with early onset dementia and was therefore sick and not in control.

But it changes how I grieve. I grieved tremendously prior to his death, not nearly so much after his death. I lost the man I loved prior to his death. Most people can't understand this because he kept up a front of friendliness to outsiders and was quite different at home. It was especially lonely for me because of this. Few people knew he was so different at home from the person he showed to the world.

Did any of this happen to you?

 
 
 

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M Adams left a comment for clarinda sprankle
"Dear Clarinda, what a terrible loss -- my heart goes out to you.  One of my uncles recently had to move into assisted living for similar reasons, so his wife is now on her own in their apartment.  She seems to be coping, but I'm…"
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Dear Morgan and Trina, Thanks for the two beautiful posts. We are so lucky to have this forum.It is a place we can come to and not be judged by the world for the way we feel. This is the only support we have to make it through our daily lives. Thank…"
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Trina Mamoon commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Dear morgan, Linda, John, Joe, Denise, JenShep, Monty, and all Those Others reading this, I empathize with you all. My heart goes out to you! I think one of the reasons that others who have not lost a spouse do not understand us is because as Linda…"
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Trina Mamoon commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Dear morgan, Linda, John, Joe, Denise, JenShep, Monty, and all Those Others reading this, I empathize with you all. My heart goes out to you! I think one of the reasons that others who have not lost a spouse do not understand us is because as Linda…"
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Virginia G replied to mindy's discussion Feeling pretty well depressed
"What about your past?  I have so many regrets about mine.  I think about my whole life and everything I did wrong and how I want to do it over"
Wednesday
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I am thinking God is trying to tell me I deserve to be alone.   Theresa I know the Doors but don’t like them.  Im old. And I think the penny was from your Mom. Brett, I liked your line, “honking load of crap”.   And…"
Wednesday
mindy posted a discussion

Feeling pretty well depressed

My depression has been at it worse since I lost my grandpa it will be two years March 25th and my past bothers me alot too See More
Tuesday
Kristen Harlow posted a discussion

Feeling alone

I’ve been through a lot. In 2014, my father became officially bedridden on Christmas day due to Frontotemporal dementia and my sister was diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer. She went through operations, a colostomy bag, and 6 months of chemo. In 2015, my husband’s play went to Broadway, and for that play he was nominated for a Tony award, as was the play itself, the playwright, and 3 of the actors.We went to the Tony award ceremony on June 7, and the next day, out of the blue, he told me he…See More
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morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"It isn't a secret how death affects many of us.  Its just avoided when the conversation comes up......For us it is as though we buried ourselves.  I think it is brave and necessary for those who have lost their beloved and still have…"
Tuesday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Jen, You hit the nail on the head that all people on this site didn't have the kind of love we had with our spouses. They were our soulmates and we were as one."
Tuesday
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I haven't posted in a while but I'm still in the same boat I was last time I posted and to come back here and read others' posts that sound so much like what I'm still going through is a bit of a comfort.  Joe, like you I…"
Tuesday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi John, I still have the car my Husband and  bought in 2003. I keep it in tip top shape because it is still part of him and brings me comfort. After almost six years I still attend the annual workshop "Hope for the Holidays" given by…"
Tuesday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi I believe when you are talking to God your mom hears you she is right there. I also do not get any signals, but pay closer attention. I was praying to her one night because someone close to me is not well, and I said please mom help, please ask…"
Tuesday
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I also talk to God now at my home or in temple. It makes me feel that I am talking to my mom.  I did not receive any signals which make me feel that my mother is nearby but I still believe that she can listen me. "
Tuesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, I wish I could go to church with you. Church is very emotional for me. It's a combination of sadness and a feeling that I am close to my mom there. I cry a lot at church. Not out loud, but I try to sit in the back now. I don't…"
Tuesday
John T. commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"A few days ago, our old car blew a head gasket on the freeway as I was on the way for a consultation with a doctor about skin cancer.  I am a baby about it even though it's not life-threatening.  Another of those times when I feel so…"
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