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Comment by Joseph Weston on August 25, 2011 at 1:39am

Mariann,

God be with you. remember where strength comes from. Inside.God bless.

Comment by Joseph Weston on August 24, 2011 at 8:31pm

Almost 2 months now since Cara left. I've not been able to get here as often as I'd like to write due to trying to get my business revitalized with a new service line. I decided to go into digital publishing, given my background.

I still hurt daily, many, many times over. Still no car, very little, but solid contact with the kids. Appetite is up some. The new apartment is starting to take shape. I've put in a small altar with memories of Cara on it. Behind that is the new wall of crosses (Cara started this tradition several years ago), including one blessed by the Trappist monks that built her casket. It was just like the one we buried her mother in 3 years ago. Cara is right next to her Mom now, both here on earth and in Heaven.

So, this is probably not appropriate, but it occurred to me that we who have lost someone so dear may wish to put together letters, writings, photos, etc. into a book to share with others or to just remember. I know the kids, her brother, and I are finishing her childrens book "DreamQuilt" for sale & distribution to Hospice providers as a guided meditation for children facing what we have faced, and I intend to put her poetry, letters, short stories, etc., into a book. If anyone here were interested, I'd be happy to discuss how these kind of things can be done privately.

We all hurt so deeply. We need to remember to think of the amount of hurt we feel is directly inverse to the level of Love we had for those we lost. When you move it to the positive, Love, it's easier to remember how we loved them, why we loved them, and how we will remember them.

pacis exsisto unto vos totus

 

 

 

Comment by Arielle on August 24, 2011 at 7:55pm

Marianne I am so sorry for your loss. My brother Adam passed away almost a year ago from lymphoma. He also left behind two little boys.
I agree with you 100%. It made me insane when people would say thoughtless things like "at least he's not suffering" or "now he's smiling down on you from heaven." my brother would have suffered as long as it took to stay alive and be with his boys. Suffering meant a chance at living. People who say thongs like that have never experienced a tragic loss and simply have no clue.
I wish you a lot of strength. Take comfort in your family. Be selfish. Take care of yourself. Xoxoxo

Comment by Cynthia Horacek on August 24, 2011 at 7:44pm

Dear Mariann and Jackie -

Mariann I am so sorry for your loss; I cannot imagine losing one of my children.  Jackie, yeah, why indeed?  Sometimes it just sucks.  Hang in there.

 

Comment by Jackie on August 24, 2011 at 3:42pm

Why does life have to be so difficult?

Comment by Mariann Plourde on August 24, 2011 at 3:17pm

I will write more later about this.This is new for me as all of you .I pray to God everyday to give me strength to go on and be strong.One thing i really don't tlike is when they say "at least she is not suffering" she was fighting for her life....I miss you Becky so much and I love you<3

 

Comment by Mariann Plourde on August 24, 2011 at 3:13pm

sorry Sadie just turned 4 and my spelling stinks./.I need to proof read

Comment by Mariann Plourde on August 24, 2011 at 3:12pm

I lost my faughter Becky to AML leukemia August 8,2011..It is still so fresh I feel like iam just going through the motions.She left behind my son-inlaw Adam and 2 beautiful girls Abby -6 Sadie who she adored to the hightest.She took care of them while fighting to stay alive.She had 2 stem cells one from my only son Bill and another from a girl in Europe..She lived almost 3 years from this dreadful Cancer.Becky's cancer had a flip 3 mutant cell that they could not gst rid of with all the chemo and radiation..I am in a different world nothing will ever be the same ..she was 25 when we found out working with Autistic children in Maine.That she had caner,she was her own advocate the doctors in Maine never thought of blood work till she demanded it.She always had a low grade fever for months and very tired..

Comment by Cynthia Horacek on August 18, 2011 at 10:36am

P.S. - It's kind of funny; my there brothers all have moved to different cities and some out of state; they all call my parents at least once a week; my mom tells my "your brothers always ask how you're doing" but only one of them calls me with any regularity; the other two rarely call - one of them was calling me weekly after my Don died, but when he wanted to send me a bible, and I said no thank you, I have three of them here and none of them seem to help - he stopped calling!  (He's "born again", and we're Jewish!).  Well, I told him I've very happy for them that he's found something that has meaning for him and gives him something he needs, but I'll stick with my own spiritual beliefs for now.  Anyway... take care.

Comment by Cynthia Horacek on August 18, 2011 at 10:32am

Donna - first of all, thank you for validating  my feelings and agreeing that the best way is to  just let them out.

I am sorry that even your family seems so distant especially now when you need family.  Some of it may be that we, as women, are nurturers, and men, well, men have been taught all of their lives by society not to let their feelings show.  So they tend to shove them down. Not all men; but a lot of them. It sounds like you all could really benefit from some family therapy together; but I suspect you'd never get your dad and your brother to join you in that endeavor!  But you might be able to get your husband to go with you to couple's counseling.  A good therapist who works with couples can really make a huge difference in a relationship.  I know because not only am I a therapist, but years ago I dragged my husband to couple's therapy, and we stayed in it for close to two years; it helped us both with communication, but more importantly, it help my husband see how so many of our behaviors and deeper feelings are carry overs from childhood.  If it's too much for you to cope  with helping your dad right now, then find a good financial planner who you trust to take over taking care of his bills and his investments, etc.  Don't put too much on yourself right now; your job is to heal and take care of YOU!  I hope you are getting good support, even if it's outside of the family.  I"m sorry about the loss of you mom; I'm sending hugs to help you feel held.

 

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