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Comment by Danny on October 16, 2014 at 4:40am

Yes Andre it is tough to find a reason to go on but just go through the motions for now and postpone any major decisions till much later.  Its tough anyway but way tougher at your age so take it very slow. Write to me if you wish to.

Comment by Andre Clark on October 15, 2014 at 8:26pm

I try to remain positive Casey, but everyday is different as you all know. I hate to admit that I have become extremely jealous since I lost my mom. When I see senior citizens I get jealous. When I see adults in public with their mothers I get jealous. When I learn that a coworker that's 20-30 years older than me still has his mother I get jealous. Each day I have to fight those evil spirits. All I have left is faith that she's in a better place and I have to try to get there. I'm very new to religion, but it helps me cope with the loss of my mom. 

The one phrase I notice from people online and in the real world is that we all felt like we could of treated our mothers better. We could of been a little nicer. As for myself I always had a hot temper and when I get mad...watch out. I recall one phone conversation with my mom I got real upset over nothing, but she stayed cool. Once we got off the phone I called her back within 5 minutes to apologize. She responded by saying "don't worry about it...I know you was just upset". Then she told me she loved me then we got off the phone again. We all could of been a little nicer, but we shouldn't feel too bad about being verbally abusive...in my opinion. I beat myself up about not being nicer to my mom, but at the end of the day I was nice to her, but there was moments I wasn't nice. I know she knew that I loved her. In this day in age there are people doing a lot worse things to their parents than being a little verbally abusive. That's just me two cents. 

The hardest part for me right now is blocking out the pain that she went through and replacing them with good memories.

PS. My first birthday without her is 3 weeks away and I'm going to be off work for my birthday. Any advice on what I should do?

Comment by Danny on October 12, 2014 at 3:52pm

In fact any loss it is tough to relate unless the person has experienced it but a parent is a parent.  It is normal to feel that our lives have also ended so just going through the motions for now may be the way. 

Comment by Casey on October 12, 2014 at 3:41pm

and to echo everyone's feelings, its true, its impossible to understand or relate to someone's losing their mother unless they experienced the same loss..

Comment by Casey on October 12, 2014 at 3:39pm

Kristin, I can really relare to you because I have no father as well and my mom was/is my everything. I wanted nothing in life except to be with her and take care of her but she cant efen live till her senior years and she suffered so much pain in her last year from cancer..i live with this overwhelming loss everyday and I also have great regrets i didnt appreciate and treat her better ..i have such a strong bond to my mother, people say my life is just starting and I am young but to me, I feel like my life has ended in a huge way because  I cannever be with my mom again in this lifetime.

Comment by Danny on October 12, 2014 at 5:12am

Best to you all.  Yes 30 years is too short for most of us to lose a parent at that age.  Please write to me any of you if you need to talk.

I am always eager to have a network of people with me on this journey.

Comment by Kristin Renee on October 12, 2014 at 3:06am

30 years... it sounds like a long time. But in context of a mother's love it is simultaneously infinitesimal and incalculable. Truly nothing compares. I never had my father's love so I could not know. My Mother was EVERYTHING and I appreciated it much too late. Oh how I wish I could show her just how much she meant to me. How amazing a person she was. She was so unappreciated, she suffered so. I made it my personal life mission to help her so when she died...I took it as failure. I failed her. In the worst possible way. I was the last person to see her, the last chance she had at salvation. Nothing I ever do or say can change that. Nothing will erase the enormous regret, as long as I live.

Comment by Casey on October 11, 2014 at 11:30pm

Kristin, i still cry everyday. At night it is the hardest. Andre, you have a really positive attitude. I wish I can think like you, I had my mother for 30 years, but I was expecting another 30 years..Like your mom, I lost her at the age of 56, many of us lose our mom at a relatively young age, its so hard to deal with it.

Comment by Kristin Renee on October 11, 2014 at 9:09pm

Haven't posted in a long time. Mostly because I've said it all before. She's been gone over a year...I still cry every day. There's just no comfort anymore now that she's gone.

I got married a few months ago and not having her at my wedding or to help with the planning was unbelievably hard. It rained on my wedding day but then there was this magnificent rainbow - our photographer attests it was his favorite wedding to shoot because of this amazing moment - maybe it was my Momma....

Sorry for your loss, Andre Clark. I was 29 when my Momma died unexpectedly shortly after her 60th birthday and right before Mother's Day. We both were robbed of decades with our mothers. I wish I could offer you comfort but I know that even though we've suffered a similar loss, our experiences are not the same. So I will simply say, you are not alone and while I may not know exactly what you're going through, I do know that it is devastating and I hope you can find a way to cope with this terrible loss. 

My heart goes out to all here. 

Comment by Andre Clark on October 11, 2014 at 7:27pm

This is my first post. I been a member for about a month reading other people comments, but never posted because I wanted to stay in denial. I lost my mom on August 15th, 2014 to a massive heart attack. She was only 55 years old. I'm still in shock. My grandmother is still alive, but my mom is gone. I just don't get it. We lived in different states so we didn't see each other as much as we wanted to, but we talked several times a week. The last time we talked she called me on a Tuesday during her lunch break. We only talked for 10 minutes and we told each other "I love you". She sounded so happy and energetic that day. Six days later I was back in my home state picking out her coffin. Throughout my life I had friends that lost their moms at young ages, but I never thought about it happening to me. I'm 31 years old and I have never been so afraid for the future as I am right now. I don't have any children of my own and I struggle with finding a reason more me to go on without her. 

After I graduated high school and joined the Navy my mother's relationship with god grew and she became a minister. I was never really into spiritually until she passed. The only thing that keeps me going is me believing that she's in a heaven, she's alright, and believing that one day I will see her again. That's it for right now. 

P.S. I am grateful that my mother and I had 31 years and 9 months together. I wish we would of had 20, 30, or 40 more years together, but I'm sure they're people that didn't get as much time with there mom as I got with mine. I'm also grateful for having such a great mom. My mom was the best, to me :) As I started this new journey I learned that everyone don't have good relationships with their mothers for whatever reason. So I know everyone on this site had great moms, because your love for her brings you here. I'm sorry that we all have to feel this pain, but I believe there could be comfort in talking to others with similar issues. The next person that tells me "I know what you're going through" and their mom is still alive will get slapped

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