Information

I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....

Members: 731
Latest Activity: Aug 17

Discussion Forum

New here 3 Replies

Started by Lynn Fisher. Last reply by Brett Bowman Jul 12.

Never ending 4 Replies

Started by Betty Ellsworth. Last reply by Brenda Ann Jan 11.

Does it ever end? 5 Replies

Started by Betty Ellsworth. Last reply by Sun Oct 29, 2018.

Comment Wall

Comment

You need to be a member of I miss my Mom! to add comments!

Comment by M Adams on January 18, 2019 at 2:53pm

After my husband’s death, and now after losing my mother, I also found myself somehow imagining that, not so much that something good would happen, more that some kind of reward would come to me, something to balance off the pain and compensate for all the sacrifices that come with loving and caring for someone with health issues.  Strange because I would also say that I never expected any kind of compensation and would get angry when people praised me for being a “caregiver” — I felt that to be an insult to my mother, and to my husband, and to the kind of relationships that we had.  Given all that it was quite a shock to recognize this hope for “something good” in me, because I definitely don’t believe that there is a personal deity watching me and rewarding my good actions.  Nor have I noticed that those around me in the world are disposed to be fair minded in terms of recognizing good deeds or sacrifices.  More the opposite, actually.  Still, I suddenly realized that on some level I was expecting something, at least some recognition of how “good” I have been ...however, like Brett, in the years since my beloved husband died, and now in the months without my sweet mother, I have lost steadily in every sphere of life.  Personal, professional, creative, domestic, emotional, whatever.  The demands on me now, the bleak future that is being mapped out for me, really make me feel hopeless.  I guess the only good thing in my situation is that I don’t believe that a deity is doing this to me for some punitive or corrective reason, any more than I believe that a deity wanted to take my mother away from me, or deprive me of my husband — such beliefs would make it even worse for me.  

Comment by Theresa on January 18, 2019 at 7:53am

Well, Brett, one day we all shall see, I have many many questions, but no one to answer them.

My heart still aches everyday, I still cry, but no one understands why, they have no clue....

Comment by Brett Bowman on January 17, 2019 at 10:12pm

There's something that has been on my mind lately and this is the best place to mention it. As much as I feared and dreaded my mom's death, I sort of felt like something good would happen, maybe not right away, but eventually. Like Karma would be looking out for me. The past three years without my mom has been horrible, one bad things after another. I don't understand. And while it hasn't challenged my faith in God, it has made me realize that I do not understand how God works. I just can't believe that after a 12 year battle with my mom's health, and all of the fear and trauma that came with it, that God would say, "Now I'm really going to kick his tail." It doesn't make sense. I am told that God loves us so much that he is sad when we are sad. I could make a list of setbacks that have occurred since my mom died. It just doesn't stop. The faith in me makes me believe that there is a reason for all of this. I just don't know what that reason is.

Comment by Avi on January 16, 2019 at 12:45am

Thanks M adams and Brett. Will wait for that time when I get over the guilt. 

Starting my day with positive today. 

Comment by Brett Bowman on January 15, 2019 at 2:16pm

Avi, I agree with M. I'm not one to give advice because I have not conquered those guilty feelings either. I have a feeling, and that is all I can go by, that one day we will grow tired of beating ourselves up, and that's when we will take a greater step towards healing. Our moms know very well how much we love them.

Comment by M Adams on January 15, 2019 at 11:53am

Avi, so good to hear that you can feel celebratory.  Engaging in life is important, it is something every parent wants for their child.  At the same time, I think in bereavement it’s hard to handle celebratory occasions because our emotions are so volatile and exacerbated.  There may be moments of beauty, then a crash into feelings of pointlessness, absurdity, resentment, whatever. That’s why I didn’t want to be bothered with my birthday this year, so close to my mother’s death, I just felt I couldn’t maintain composure and still get any joy from the experience.  And I’m tired of people tolerating my tears and sorrow, especially family members who just don’t share my feelings of loss.  In the end I was forced to do it and it was okay, but not joyful for me.  Ideally I think it’s better when you can decide what kind of events and celebrations are right for you, have some control ... but that’s not always workable.  Hope your little girl is brightening your days in this new year.

Comment by Avi on January 15, 2019 at 8:56am

Hi All, 

Just returned from a small trip in India only. Whenever I celebrate, I feel guilty. 

Comment by Brett Bowman on January 11, 2019 at 2:33pm

I never thought that your mom wasn't tidy. When my mom got really sick, her ways didn't change. She would say, "How does the kitchen look?" I would tell her that it was fine, but she would say, "Get in there and clean it up." Even if it was clean I would make cleaning noises to appease her. Mom got a rumba vacuum cleaner because she couldn't vacuum every day anymore. It was adorable. Mom didn't understand modern technology. She would talk to it. After it made several passes in one room, mom would say to it, "Go on and get my room now." When the it ignored her she would say, "Now, you listen to me!! Git!!"

Comment by M Adams on January 11, 2019 at 1:51pm

Just to be clear, my mother also liked things kept tidy and despite her health issues made the bed every day, though not necessarily first thing.  I definitely didn’t mean to suggest that we got into an unmade bed to watch afternoon tv — she would not like that imputation at all!   

To my surprise, my determinedly undomesticated father has been making the bed every morning since my mother’s death.  He did occasionally help her change the bed and so on, but I never had the impression that he cared about beds being made.  Obviously he does now.

Comment by Theresa on January 11, 2019 at 5:53am

Brett, my mom did the same she made her bed every day, and the day before she went to the hospital in the ambulance, I got to her house and her bed was made....

I do the same...

 

Members (730)

 
 
 

Latest Activity

Profile IconToya D Robinson and Georgette Benson joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
8 hours ago
Linda Engberg commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Hi Dream Moon, I hate the big C also."
12 hours ago
Georgette Benson added a discussion to the group "Till death do us part", a letter to my husband
Thumbnail

Widow as a newlywed

When i got married March 25th 2019 was one of the Best days of my life i was marrying the man of my Dreams,My best friend,My soul mate. Even though it was one of the happiest day of my life but it was also a sad day.Because i was marrying the man of my Dreams knowing that i only had a little time left with him. He was diagnosed in December of 2018 of stage 4 lung and kidney cancer that day was one of the worst days of our lives. I thought but when the time came and he took his last breath that…See More
21 hours ago
Georgette Benson replied to heathert's discussion a letter to my king in the group "Till death do us part", a letter to my husband
"My condolences i know your pain all so well. I just lost my husband 7/9/2019 to cancer an im exactly where you are with my grief."
21 hours ago
Georgette Benson joined Debbie's group
Thumbnail

"Till death do us part", a letter to my husband

How do I begin to thank you for the life you have given me. A life that included 4 loving children, 4 beautiful grandchildren and memories that will last forever.We had more then the romantic love we had when we first met almost 40 years ago. That fades with time. Through the ups and downs, fights and reconciliations, laughter and tears we had something more. We had true love, commitment, trust, and most importantly we had friendship. Since 1975 we have been together to celebrate every…See More
21 hours ago
dream moon JO B replied to dream moon JO B's discussion mad at god
"i no i get wk mometns ido but trynin 2 stayy strongg is not is a eayss thng 3 fo o iyd oy "
23 hours ago
dream moon JO B replied to Amy's discussion How do I get unstuck?
"so sorry on yore loss u can olnly do it wen u reddyy i no i had a loto of set bacs i di d but we all difnro peplee we is i no in 2018 i fondmy slf goin 2 spirtlastt churchh for ansesrd in steds of try  to seak medims lk a fe wpeplee do on…"
23 hours ago
dream moon JO B commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"i hateeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee bigc i hateeeeeeeeeeeeee lozzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz coz of big c im 44 sean somushh siffin sorry if im rantin justt i need 2 let go coz of big c lpluss othr illness 2 i do "
23 hours ago
dream moon JO B commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"i do not luv bigc now iv fw mro frinds its got termil big c sum few yrs oldr thnme just undr 50  few peppel weari livs gotbig c' wish i cud shoot big c lk dem/ALZ in to md of nowear sp no 1 cud get it'"
23 hours ago
Lisa posted a status
"I lost my brother in-law who really was my brother for 39 years 9 weeks ago tragically and suddenly on his holidays while kite surfing"
yesterday
Nancy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Bless you Morgan.  You say it all."
Wednesday
Lisa is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Tuesday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan Thanks for sharing how you cope without your Husband.  You put into words what I cannot express. "
Tuesday
Dolly commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Do we ever stop having those days that seem just like the day it all happened? when nothing else seems real and all we feel is the pain again? does it ever just not happen any more? "
Tuesday
Martha Dee is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Monday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Part 2Linda, yes and yes, I "laugh on the outside and cry on the inside".  And the laugh (or just plain conversation) is just part of how I cope for when I have to be around others.  But it means nothing.  It’s like we…"
Monday
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Part 1 Bless you and thanks to each one of you who keep writing about how you feel and how you cope.  I always feel support knowing I am not alone.  What I don't get (and not that any one of us can give it) is the answer to how I can…"
Monday
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"It's a Catch 22, impossible to solve.  I accept Her body isn't alive anymore, but I HAVE TO HAVE HER BODY ALIVE AND STILL WITH ME and I want that to be forever.  I know that's impossible, but I STILL HAVE TO HAVE IT!!! …"
Monday
Teresa D. commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Connie I'm sorry but just know your words do stay in my head. Keven's mom...I'm so sorry that phone came.  There's nothing I can say or do to make this easier on you.  Just know we know exactly how you feel.  Your…"
Monday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hello Friends, As all of you have stated, I too fake my happiness. I laugh on the outside and am crying for him on the inside. I ache so bad that my Julian is not in my life. I just don't understand why God won't take me. Until he does, I…"
Monday

© 2019   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service