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Comment by Margie S. on October 25, 2015 at 7:47pm

Regina,

I know exactly what you are saying.  I lost my mom on October 8, 2015. I cry everyday.  I will have her cremains pretty soon.  My brother has them right now.  She never told me what she wanted me to do with them so I will keep them until the day I die. I have to go to work tomorrow and I really do not want to go.  I really don't want to do anything just see her pictures and watch her videos.     I will never be the same.  I am not happy any more.   I feel empty, very empty.  

Comment by Regina on October 25, 2015 at 1:25am

Some days my sadness washes over me like a tsunami wave; sucking the breath right out of me. And some days I feel like I can cope pretty well. It's such a roller coaster! My Mom has only been gone a month and I have kept her cremains with me. She wanted to have them scattered off the coast and I will do that. Just not yet. People have asked me when I'm going to do it and I know it's probably because they want to be part of it. I get that. It's just that I'm not ready and, quite frankly, at this point I'm not sure I ever will be. Sometimes I can only cope one hour at a time. Maybe some day I can climb the mountain to one day at a time. 

Comment by Danny on October 24, 2015 at 9:07am

is it true that the hardest hit are those who do not have the next generation in front of them ? that is its tough to find a purpose to live ?

Comment by Danny on October 24, 2015 at 2:48am

People quickly turn to siblings as the main source of support and friends too but that should just be one part of the support. They can be cold.  i read a lot on grief at the library and also here on this siite.  Thinking of counseling  soon for a few sessions

Comment by Kate on October 23, 2015 at 4:13pm

Tonya Dean, I can't even put into words how heartless those comments were. I just don't understand the hate sometimes.  I can definitely relate in that a member of my own family was very cold about my mother's death and it's really hard to forgive such actions.  I think some people are just wired to be less empathetic/sympathetic than others. I try to accept that and it helps sometimes...sometimes is the key word here.  I can say with all confidence that grieving is not a "pity-party" and anyone who says that is stone-cold.  A lot of other people just don't understand. 

Danny, Kristin, Margie and Chris I'm so sorry for your loss.  I just began frequenting this site and it has helped.  I too am interested in checking out Griefshare but haven't gotten around to it yet.  I hope this website helps you as well.

Comment by Danny on October 22, 2015 at 11:50pm

hi all its been a while and most of the earlier posters are not around but it been two years and still it hurts but i take it slow.  work and life is never going to be the same. 

best to all

Comment by Kristin Rescorla on October 19, 2015 at 10:27am

Good Morning and hi all i love my mom march 9th 2015 unexpectedly to a brain bleed and I miss her so much! My dad moved in with myself my husband and daughter and life is definately different. He mourns her alot and it is so hard to see my dad so upset. At the same time so many things remind me of her on a daily basis and I just feel like I am still in a night mare and i am going to wake up to her singing me back to sleep. I am the baby of the family have two older sisters but my mom and I had a unique relationship that I am so greatful to have always had with her. Now as I look at my 19 year old i see the times her I and my mom all spent together doing crafts baking and just shopping and laughing. My mom was such a big part of me to lose her was like losing the glue to my whole family. Its like no one even calls to check on myself or my dad. My mama will always be in my heart but I just wish she was here with me to hug me. I have health issues as well and I can still hear her say krissy please take care of yourself too because daddy needs you. So this weekend I went to hobby lobby with my daughter and walking down the christmas isles i started crying because my mom loved christmas so much ..I am just lost with out her! 

Comment by Angela smith on October 19, 2015 at 9:28am

Margie  I  am  so sorry  for your  mom's  loss. I  understand  how close you  were to  her and the heart  ache you  feel  where it hurts  so much  that  you  feel  your  heart  will  explode. Take  care  of  yourself  and know  that  your  mother felt your  love each  and every  moment  you were there for her . 

Comment by Margie S. on October 18, 2015 at 9:41pm

I lost my mother on October 8, 2015.  It is the worst experience I have ever had.  I can’t stop thinking about her all day long.  I have been reading a lot about grief and mourning, but nothing makes me feel better.  She was 103 years old.  She always recognized my brother, my friends, my husband and me until she went on a deep sleep for 20 days and then passed away.  It was so sad and heartbroken to see her the way she was and not being able to help.  I just kissed her very often, caressed her forehead, head, hair, face, arms, hands, shoulders, feet, legs, thigh, and talked to her a lot.  She just moved her head to say yes or no, but later on there was no more yes or no with her head, she didn't hear anything.  When I went to see her on October the 8^th, the nurse said, "She is gone".  I didn't believe it.  I touched her face, her neck, her heart trying to find some signs of life.  I told my husband, "Her heart is beating".  He said, "It is your hand not her heart; she passed away."  I hugged her stronger than ever and started crying and crying while hugging her.  I was leaning on her chest and crying for about two hours until the person from the funeral home came and I didn't want to let her go.  My husband pulled me, so they could take out her body.  I continued crying and I collapsed.  My husband had to take me out of the room in my mom wheelchair.  After they took the body out I continued crying, I was shaking and thought my heart was going to explode.   Today is October 18, and I am extremely sad.  I am depressed.  The same day she died, I dreamed about her.  I dreamed that someone knocked on the door, I opened it and there was my mom, closed eyes, collapsing on me.  I fell and my mom was on top of me.  I cried while I was telling her, “mom, don’t die, don’t die. She never opened her eyes.   It was so real.   I miss her a lot.  Her last days of life she was just sleeping all day.  I pray for her and really would like to be with her.  I miss her so much.  I love her so much.

Comment by Chris Wool on October 16, 2015 at 3:35pm

Many thanks for your kind words earlier!  I was at work and could not see/respond, even though the website was logged on in the background.  Day by day is all we have and to try to be in the present moment.  It certainly feels like it can be too much to handle and everyone's grief is so specific and individual. (even if there are similarities).  The whole "pity party" stuff is nonsense.  It reminds me of my job and things I heard regarding me taking time off to care for mom and things I heard once she passed.  Boss once said about someone who died on 9/11: "The wife, whenever asked, says she is fine... she's not narcissistic and egotistical--she doesn't want to burden her family."  My mom had just passed barely 2 months and I felt it was kinda directed at me.


I dread weekends because the family would all be hanging out and going somewhere together.  Certainly if you haven't lost your mother you can't relate.  My autistic brother is 29 but acts like a child.  It's hard because I can't communicate with him about it as much and we lost my sister 12 years ago.  I sometimes think my mom started dying back then.  Yesterday, my brother asked "where's mom."  He rarely does this without prompting, so I took it as a good sign from mom.  I asked him to tell me, and he said "in heaven" (which I started telling him a few months ago once she passed).  That made me feel a little better in that at least he can understand that this is hard and we're all looking for mom.  I have a little shrine with a memory board, flowers and candles to try to keep her memory alive for us (and this might help him).  He seems to be handling it a lot better than me, but he has his own coping mechanisms or just doesn't express it the same way. 

God bless you on this journey and wish for you all the blessings that your mother would wish--or perhaps is still wishing, just in a different manifestation--for you, too.

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