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Lost Without My Mom

My mom died, August 17, 2009 of an apparent heart attack from heart failure. Her doctors never told me how sick she was and so I was blown away and am heart sick and lost without her.

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Latest Activity: May 9

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Also missing my Mom. 9 Replies

I can relate to almost everything I read here.....I lost my Mom on 9/24/2017.  We lived together since 2008.  I became her primary care giver in 2011 after she broke her hip.  She developed Dementia…Continue

Started by Jennifer Nuss. Last reply by Rhonda Robinson Apr 2.

Lost my Mom a Few Days Ago 3 Replies

Hi, I'm new around here. My mother passed away on Saturday February 6th, very suddenly and unexpectedly. We were in touch every day, via text, e-mail and phone calls, and we saw each other every…Continue

Started by Carla Rose. Last reply by Maria Mar 9.

Missing my mom 23 Replies

Hi! I'm a new member. My name is Emily. My mom died Dec 27,2012. I had a question for anyone in the group............. Does anyone ever feel torn-part of them wants to be with friends but the other…Continue

Started by Emily. Last reply by Kelli Jan 2.

Missing my Mom so very much 7 Replies

My Mom was my best friend and the greatest mother you could ever ask for. I still can't believe she passed away and it's only been eight months but it still feels like yesterday. I always told my Mom…Continue

Started by Renee Rugenstein. Last reply by Debbie Lynn Hallstrom Feb 28, 2017.

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Comment by BLUEBELL on May 9, 2018 at 2:45pm

God bless you Jenny for sharing your story with me and for your insightful responses. You also reminded me that there is no timeline for grief nor is it linear. Take care.

Bluebell

Comment by Jenny Renn on May 9, 2018 at 4:38am

Hi BLUEBELL

i am so very sorry for your losses. I have some kind of feeling of what you are going through. My Mother passed on nearly 5 months after my Father. She had a few health issues but we did not expect her to pass when she did. The feelings one feels when experiencing multiple loss is quite inexplicable. My son was born 2 weeks prior to my Father passing and When I think about how I coped, the only thing I can think about is my family. I have my husband and I have 2 sisters and 1 brother. 1 sister and brother live in other countries far away and I have 1 sister who lives Just under 2 hours away. I am more closer to my siblings abroad but grief brought us closer. I know that’s not always the case and there were times when resentments can arise but at the end of the day we have 1 great loss (or rather losses) in common which means we are all hurting and luckily we have gotten closer. Trying to help each other through the grief, especially when you are filled with pain is extremely hard. Trying to process your grief and be there for your sister must be an absolute emotional rollercoaster but all I can say is that, for me, talking or making yourself available to your sister to talk may help. Not only her, but you. I know not everyone grieves in the same way and processes in the same way but you need an outlet and I’m sure your sister does. She may not want to talk straight away but maybe give her time. I found that when one of my siblings was down (more so than us) being there to pick them up was the best thing we could do. We are in different countries but chatting online or talking on the phone helped us greatly. That was my therapy, we discovered new stories about our parents and in some ways I felt like the baby of the family again. My second oldest sister is the maternal one and she made me feel safe and comforted which I really needed and am so grateful for. I can well imagine you reliving the pain of your Mom’s passing through your brother-in-law passing and as excruciating as that must be it’s important for you to experience and have an outlet for your grief as, I believe, that is one of the main ways to help you process it and to strengthen you. Somehow, we each found strength during times when each other was feeling low. This isn’t to say that our grief has ended. It will be 5 years this year since our Father passed and just under that since our Mother passed and we still need that contact every now and again to talk about them, to cry about them and to sometimes laugh recollecting happy memories. Faith is another important factor to us and we believe that they are in Heaven and live on but the abyss that they leave with their passing is very apparent. Lately, I have missed my Mother especially. So much so that I even briefly said to myself that I needed to call her because I wanted to talk to her. I haven’t had that feeling for such a long time. I have a few things going on in my life and I just wanted to speak to her as she was my best friend. Your feeling of loss and grief will always be there, in the background as life goes on but moving it from the forefront to the background takes time. It’s only been a year, a year is no time at all when a parent passes and then to have another close family member pass so soon will, of course, reopen wounds. Try to not put pressure on yourself with an. Timeline for your grief and if you can bring yourself to offer your shoulder to your sister, my recommendation would be to do it if you can. You may surprise yourself with how strong you can be. Sometimes a distraction from your own grief (even if it’s brief) can give you some respite and at the same time help your sister. Again, I am so sorry for your losses and you are in my thoughts. 

Comment by BLUEBELL on May 8, 2018 at 11:35pm

One year later, I am still struggling. It has been become even harder because my sister's husband died suddenly April 9th 2018. I feel physically ill. I can not stand the emotional pain my sister is going through. I can not stand the emotional pain I am going through. I feel like nobody really understands how his death has intensified my grief over my Mom's death 1 year ago Feb. 14th. I really need some relief from these intense feelings of sadness, but nothing helps. I am trying to be strong and support my sister whom I love dearly, but it is hard, really hard.

Bluebell

Comment by Debbie Lynn Hallstrom on February 20, 2018 at 11:12pm

July 4, 2016.  

when life changed....

Good days, bad days but the one thing that exist is that I can't cope. I hide it all the time. I try to smile, I do smile but inside, I am terrible. My mom was my very best friend. She was my everything. I can't deal with the pain anymore.....

Comment by Jenni H on February 16, 2018 at 3:17am

My mom died on February 25, 2017. She had a stroke a year and half that rendered her paralyzed and she had aphasia. I was her caregiver. It was extremely impossible to stomach seeing my mother constantly in pain. My nerves and mental state was gone at that point. I watched her wither away for over a year. She lost her mind more and more every day. She constantly itched, she couldn't sit still. She cried non stop. Honestly when she died I felt some relief, but then started the guilt. I hate myself. I hate it that she left me on this earth alone. She was my only friend. I have no one except my father. I really have no one to talk to. My best friend of 40 years quit talking to me after my mom's death. I guess she had experienced too much grief her self and didn't want to deal with mine. Some friend. Anyway, I'm bitter depressed angry agoraphobic now. I know what people are after my mom's death. No one gave a crap about her while she was sick, no one came to see her. Most tried to take advantage of her sickness. It sickened me in every way imaginable. I can't stand being around people or talking to them anymore, I don't trust anyone but my father.

Comment by BLUEBELL on February 27, 2017 at 2:22am

I have lost my purpose in life now that my Mom passed away Feb 14th 2017. I was her caregiver. I kept my own home, but pretty much moved into hers, only going to mine to take care of my dog and cats. I am having a hard time with eating right and sleeping. I miss her and I miss our routine. I do not know how to move on or even if I should expect myself to get back to having a life without her yet

Bluebell

Comment by sasha citino on December 16, 2016 at 6:25am

Thank you Jenny. I've done some grief counselling, it helped some, it probably would have helped more if I was able to talk about her more. I just couldn't most days, like stuck grief or something.

Comment by Jenny Renn on December 12, 2016 at 5:15pm

Hi Sasha

I am so sorry about your Mom passing.  My Mum passed on in January of 2013, it will be her 3 year anniversary soon.  I cannot believe how the time has flown by and that it has been 3 years since I last saw and spoke to her.  I am sorry to hear about your physical pain too.  I miss my Mum everyday but the emotional pain comes back every now and again and I think that will always be the case but if you can find another way of releasing your pain such as through bereavement counseling, it will help so much more than harming yourself.  You are right, no mother wants their child to hurt themselves.  It can be a quick fix but the problem is, is that it doesn't last that long and before you know it, you want to feel that release again.  Through counseling, you will be able to express and process your grief.  I know that I may sound generic in recommending bereavement counseling but talking about your Mom and your thoughts, fears and pain will provide you with more sustainable release from your pain than cutting.  I have a small insight as to how this must feel but I won't pretend to know exactly how you feel as we all grieve in our own way, everyone is different but we all need to process our grief and talking about our loved one(s) is part of helping to heal the immense pain and void that is left when they pass on.  If you every want to chat, I would be happy to listen.  Sending you a virtual hug

Comment by sasha citino on December 12, 2016 at 10:37am

It's been a year since I lost my Mom, I don't feel any better, I still miss her, I am still lost, still picking  up the phone first thing in the morning to call her, still wake up multiple times a night thinking I need to check on her to see if she's ok.  I have done a lot of cutting to release the pain this year...sometimes that scares me OR more often than not, I feel guilty because I know it would not be something she wanted for me ...again.  All I can offer, is empathy and a virtual hug. 

Comment by Erin on February 22, 2016 at 9:04pm
I have personally come to the conclusion that the pain never stops. To be honest l, truly cut myself open and let it all out, part of me hopes it doesn't. I never want to stop remembering my mother and all the love she gave the world.
 

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