Comment

Comment by Mary on August 14, 2012 at 7:58pm

I am sorry you were alone today Ann.  Let me wish you a happy birthday, even though you will probably not read this until a day or so later.

Comment by Ann on August 14, 2012 at 5:30pm

Today is my birthday, I turned 60.  It is the second birthday without my mom.  I was alone all day.  I finally took some sleeping pills so I could sleep and escape the pain.

Comment by MSB on August 9, 2012 at 10:03am

No, my pets are my reason for living. I love them too much to ever give them up. That would kill me.

Comment by Mary on August 9, 2012 at 9:40am

MSB I will reiterate what Storyas said to Ann, please speak to someone locally about how you are feeling so you have  personal support.  I miss my motherly badly, but cannot fathom that she would EVER want me to take my life.  If you need assistance with just feeding your pets until you find work, talk to your local rescues and animal shelters or churches or friends, I am sure they will be able to help you.  I too lost my job, but it was in December and I was getting very down because noone was interested in hiring me, but I finally got a part time job so there is hope.  Please know you are not alone and suicide is never an answer to our loneliness or grief.

Comment by Ann on August 9, 2012 at 1:06am

MSB, it's an old dilemma.  To quote Old Man River..."I'm tired of livin but I'm scared of dyin."   See if there isn't a way to get help feeding your pets.  Call a local rescue organization or shelter, they might be able to help with your pets.  As for you, I have no answers but you are not alone.

Comment by MSB on August 8, 2012 at 10:02pm

Lately the pain of losing my mother in December as well as losing my job in June 2011 has been getting the best of me. I don't want to really die, but, i am tired of being tortured alive. I feel stuck because, I love my pets dearly and don't want them to suffer.

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on August 6, 2012 at 8:13pm

Lynda, I looked at that painting your mom did again, and it is beautiful.  She is very talented.  I meant to tell you yesterday that my mom was a fabric artist.  She made most of my clothes when she was alive.  We were always very poor, but most of my rich friends were jealous of me, because I dressed so much better than them.  My mom could go to JoAnn's fabrics and get a few yards of broadcloth on sale for a dollar a yard and make designer looking clothes.  I can't wear them now.  It hurts too bad.  I have them wrapped in plastic for protection and stored away.  She also made the most beautiful quilts.  She would hand embroider beautiful designs on the blocks and then quilt them together.  I can't do that.  She tried and tried to teach me, but it is an art form, and I didn't have the gift.  She was making me a wedding quilt when she died - I had recently gotten married.  She was embroidering all these beautiful multi-colored birds on blocks of muslim.  But, she died before she got them done.  So, I put all of the blocks in Victorian frames.  I like to dress funky, so she made me a lot of Victorian dresses for work, and I would wear them with granny boots instead of wearing suits like all the other women did.  The few suits I had were Victorian suits.  At home I wear broomstick skirts and t-shirts, but I was working in an office then, and my mom kept me in beautiful Victorian style clothes.  Then, she had bought these Victorian frames for her house, and she had one left.  So, I went out and bought more of those and Victorian seemed to be a theme she and I shared, and I framed all those embroidered birds in Victorian frames and hung them on my dining room wall.  They are gorgeous.  She did such good work with the embroidery that they almost look like paintings hanging on my wall.  I know she wanted me to have this gift with fabrics and threads that she had, but I just didn't inherit it.  I tried, but I was no good at it.  Instead, I draw and knit.  That I am better at and enjoy more.  But, my mom had a rare talent that it would have been nice to inherit from her, but alas, I did not inherit it.

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on August 6, 2012 at 7:41pm

Ann - please talk to your doctor or a counselor about how badly you are feeling so you have some local support.  You are in a very dangerous place to try to go through this without some medical support.  I know how it can feel like a betrayal to go on without them.  I think we all feel that to a certain degree.  For months after my mom died, I felt like it was a betrayal if I went to our favorite restaurant without her.  I still can't go in a couple of those restaurants.  I tell my husband that if she can't have it I don't want it either.  So, to a lesser degree, I do understand how you feel.  I was watching a tv show the other day where a lady lost her husband, and she said to a friend that she'd found several things in her house related to her husband, and she said, "I'm living among relics of a life that doesn't exist any more."  I think we all feel that way.  But, Ann, you are closer to the edge from those feelings than anyone I've encountered here on line or in local grief support groups, and I am very worried for you.  Please promise me - please promise everyone on this group - that you will talk to your doctor or a counselor.  I know it is hard.  I'm in a local grief support group that is mostly older spouses who have lost their spouse.  Many of them are in a similar situation to you.  Due to their age, they have lost their parents and now their spouse.  Some of them have the support of their children, but an alarming number of them only have children who are worrying about how much inheritance is going to be left for them.  They feel so alone they don't know how to go on.  But, our particular grief support group has no time limit on it.  You can come for years if you want to.  So, they keep coming and make friends and start going out with other people in the group and finding friends and finding a reason to live in that, and they start to improve with time.  You will start to improve to, but please get the help you need to get there.

Comment by Mary on August 6, 2012 at 4:51pm

No Ann, it's not a betrayal. If we were all meant to die at the same time as our parents or at the same time as someone we love so dearly, it would be, but God calls us home when it is our time and not before. I believe your feelings are real and I also believe they are a sign of depression-and rightly so, you have lost someone who means the world to you and feel lost and no purpose. I felt physical pain, I shut off, but I also realized it was not what my mom would want and sought help.  I got counseling and also medication for my depression.  If your thoughts are correct, then YOU would not be here-your mother would have died when her mom died, the Circle of Life would not be.  I had to go through some of my moms things today and this saying and Bible verse fell out of some pictures: "May the Lord help you understand that He can use your suffering as a tool to draw you closer to Him." "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted." Psalm 34:18. I think my mom tucked Bible verses everywhere and I seemingly always find the ones I need to see at the right moment. I don't know if you are a religious person or not Ann, but I do find comfort when I pray.

Comment by Ann on August 6, 2012 at 4:27pm

Don't you think that, if we loved our moms the way we know we do, we should be dead too?  Shouldn't our hearts have broken beyond repair?  Why are we still here?  I know when my mom was diagnosed with cancer I felt a horrible pain in my chest and I couldn't breath. I thought I was going to die but I didn't.  I don't understand.  If you really love someone so much, how can you go on without them?  Isn't it a betrayal? 

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• …
• 451
• 452
• 453
• 454
• 455
• …
• 542
• Next ›
• Page