Don't grieve alone; 14,000 members and growing
If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....
Members: 751
Latest Activity: Apr 11
Started by silvia maria. Last reply by silvia maria Aug 5, 2022.
Started by dream moon JO B Aug 13, 2021.
Started by Lucinda. Last reply by dream moon JO B Apr 19, 2021.
Comment
Teresa I was a caregiver also and did not expect my Mom to pass away unexpectedly. I know my grief is on and off and can hit me unexpectedly. I thought I was doing so well and then to see my mom's house vacant through me into a talispin. I love her so much! I have never experienced a love like I had for my Mama!
It will never go away until the day I am joined with her again. I do hope that god puts us together again. As always I love you Mama!
Theresa for me, I think either situation, like in your case an unexpected death or a prolonged illness with the same outcome, I would have grieved hard either way just because of who my mom was to me.
Full disclosure: at the time that I was caregiving, I ran myself ragged doing everything I could for her to make her comfortable. As time progressed and with my own health issues, the situation became more and more of a burden to me. I loved my mom with all my heart and putting her in a nursing home was a no can do. At the time, I thought it was cruel that God kept her here in her state - she was completely disabled: couldn't walk, couldn't see well, couldn't take care of basic bodily functions. I was really at my wit's end. I also felt selfish because I wanted to have my life back. Oh how I regret those feelings today. While as Bluebell stated earlier, I had not known pain and suffering like that until she died and I wouldn't wish this on anyone, I would give up everything to be able to see my mom again and hear her voice and I mean those words sincerely.
Also, I really thought my mom was going to make it when she was in the emergency room, she was awake at first, talking and looking around. Everything went downhill when they were doing compression and then had to intubate her. It upsets me to relive those moments so I'm going to end here...
Bluebell, earlier in life I thought seriously about entering the medical profession as a career. I took a different path though. I'm sure you're very compassionate to the people who you provide care to, but you are a daughter first when it comes to your mom, so I am not surprised to hear how hard it's been for you. You love her and it hurts like hell to lose her.
Joy. I thought I would be prepared too and just accept Mom's passing as a normal cycle of living. I have been dealing with life and death as a Hospice RN for many years. But as I have found out, I was wrong. Her death has rattled me to the core.
Bluebell
I had almost three years to prepare for my mom's passing. I saw changes in her occur gradually during that time. I could still make her laugh, but I noticed that with the dementia, her overall personality was different. She was more low key, very quiet. That was hard to adjust to because she was always upbeat or nagging me about something.
I don't know what would have been worse, for God to take her after a long illness or to take her quickly. To me either scenario is bad and even though I knew it was coming, I wasn't prepared. I'm still not prepared and some days I'm in shock and can't believe that she's really gone.
Mama used to tell me how happy she was to see me after I got home from work because I brought life to our house. I felt the same way about her and the house seems dead without her in it. I haven't even been out in our backyard where she used to do the gardening this year. I can't bring myself to go out there.
Joy, I felt every word that you wrote. Lord knows, I am living the same reality.
My minister asked me to have faith. We have to believe that God is walking with us step for step. Even after a year and a half I still have an eye aimed towards heaven. That is where my hope lies.
It is dark in here. There has to be a light switch somewhere. Never stop looking for it.
Who knows what life will be like for you a year from now? I just pray that something much bigger than us is working on our behalf. Don't give up.
For me Joy, the intensity of my grief and depression was often paralyzing during the 1st 3 months. I honestly did not know the true meaning of suffering and loss until then. Now I am at 6 months. Though I still have many dark days, at least I am more accepting of my grief and more willing to do what ever it takes to survive this. I want to remain hopeful and not be crushed forever by the loss of my Mom.
Bluebell
I really hate the unpredictability of grief. Some days I'm doing ok, while I think of mama on a constant basis (she's been gone only 3 months), I can usually go about my day even though I am just going through the motions. Then bang, like this morning, the depression comes out of nowhere and feel like I can't function. I just don't want this to get worse as time goes on. I really hope this time next year and God willing I'm still alive, I will be closer to accepting my situation.
My mom seemed to me to be very strong. She had lots of hardship and adversity, but she always managed to smile. I'm different from her that way because I barely smile now and it takes so much effort. She was always such a big influence on me that when her light left, I was plunged in darkness.
Jesus said that God is spirit. I use to think of God as being a grandfather like figure. Now I think of him as being an incredible array of colors and light, colors that don't even exist here. I believe that seeing God would be seeing love itself. I'm not even sure what that means but I believe that heaven is the very essence of God.
What a wonderful place for our moms to be. I know that's where I want to be, experiencing that with my mother, knowing that everything bad that happened here has passed away. Just imagine. No more doubts. Just eternal love, acceptance, and forgiveness.
2 members
44 members
751 members
15 members
9 members
29 members
17 members
93 members
324 members
140 members
39 members
80 members
15 members
62 members
49 members
© 2024 Created by Ninja.
Powered by
You need to be a member of I miss my Mom! to add comments!